Do you want the bad news first? he asked.
I perked up. You mean, theres bad news and good news.
No, Prime Minister -- there's bad news and worse news.
It was all very predictable. Dudley has resigned. He sent the usual letter, rather more curt than usual. Bernard gave me a draft letter of acceptance to sign. Humphrey and the Press Office were working on a draft press statement for me.
I wanted to have words with Humphrey. I told Bernard to fetch him. But first Bernard told me the worse news: apparently Dudley has made a resignation speech on the steps of the Department of Employment, accusing me of being dictatorial and running a Presidential style of government.
At first I thought Bernard was right to be gloomy. But in fact its not so bad: I think that Dudleys accusation may do me more good than harm. The people like to feel they have a strong leader. I explained this to Bernard.
He saw the point at once. Oh yes indeed. Moreover, strong leadershipll be a new pleasure for them.
No it wont, I replied shortly.
No it wont, he agreed without hesitation.
Humphrey arrived at that moment. I didnt mince words with him. I reminded him that I had sought to avoid this resignation, and I now realise -- too late -- that it was his three-point plan which provoked it.
Humphrey had other, surprising news for me. He agreed that the three-point plan had been the last straw. But, he added, I understand that in any case the Employment Secretary was planning to resign in a couple of months.
Was he? I was astounded. Why? When?
On the day of the Autumn Budget, Humphrey revealed. On the grounds that the budget is expected to give him insufficient money to deal with unemployment.
I was shaken. A resignation over the Autumn Budget would have been really damaging. And it could have made Dudley extremely popular. In fact, the more I think of it, Ive handled this whole crisis pretty well. Brilliantly, in fact. I have forced Dudley to resign on an obscure administrative issue of my choosing instead of an important policy issue of his choosing. No one, either among the voters or the backbenchers, will support him, because no one really understands why hes gone.
I explained all this to Humphrey, who readily agreed that Id handled the whole affair in a masterly fashion.
[It is interesting that Jim Hacker never questioned Sir Humphrey Applebys revelation that the Employment Secretary was planning to resign a few weeks later. Presumably this was because it enabled him to think of his defeat as a victory.
Bernard Woolley did notice that there was something altogether too convenient about the information and wondered from whence it came.
Later that day he had a private word with Sir Humphrey about it, the gist of which was noted in Applebys private diary Ed.]
Thursday 19 July
B.W. questioned me further about the rumoured resignation of D.B. on A.B.D. [Autumn Budget Day].
He told me that he had not known that the Employment Secretary was thinking of resigning over the Budget. I told him that I had not known this either.
He seemed surprised, and asked me if it was not true.
I attempted to clarify the matter for him. I explained that I had not said it was true. I had said that I understood it to be true. The possibility always exists that I could have misunderstood.
BW tried to pin me down. So you dont know its true?
I explained that, equally, I do not know that it is not true. It might be true.
Bernard said that anything might be true. I congratulated him on seeing the point at last. But I was premature: Bernard still didnt understand why I had told the PM that Dudley Belling would have resigned anyway. I should have thought the answer was obvious: to make the PM feel better.
[And also, Sir Humphrey might have added in the privacy of his personal diary, because the Prime Minister would no longer criticise him over the resignation of a minister he wanted to keep Ed.]
Bernard remarked that it was a pity that Dudley Belling had to go. How true! But there was simply no other way to stop his dreadful plan.
[Hackers diary continues Ed.]
July 20th
Today I had a wonderful idea!
I was sitting in my study going over my conciliatory press release, designed to counter Dudleys angry resignation speech in a way that would make me appear strong, caring, wise and statesmanlike.
I had redrafted Malcolms [Malcolm Warren, the Press Secretary] wording, so that it read: His plan was being studied but there was a danger of much greater cost than was first thought without necessarily achieving the employment objectives. So I am puzzled and sadden by his sudden resignation.
Humphrey and I were having a morning coffee, and a couple of chocolate digestives, looking out over Horseguards Parade sparkling in the morning sun, feeling cosy and safe and warm inside Number Ten. I was still sad that Id lost a good man, and a terrific plan, a plan that would actually have helped unemployment. And then I had my inspiration!
Humphrey, I said quietly, now that the Employment Secretarys gone we can recreate his plan.
At first he didnt seem to see the beauty of it. Nor did Bernard. They looked almost horrified, though clearly they must have been as delighted too -- I think they just found it galling that I had had the brilliant insight and not them.
Dont you see? I explained. I can go ahead with it now. It wont look like weakness any more, itll look like strength.
But the whole point was began Humphrey, and then stopped. He gets confused, poor chap.
Was what? I asked. It wasnt to stop the relocation plan, was it?
No! No, indeed no, it was to, er, was to establish your authority.
Exactly! I said.
Hed figured it out at last. Sometimes hes a bit slow, but he gets there in the end.
So its all ended perfectly. By reinstating the plan I can prove that I wasnt against it. And it will demonstrate to the world that Dudleys resignation was pointless. And having got rid of that bastard who was plotting against me, Ive given a warning to others and shown that I can repel boarders with ease. Put defence relocation on the agenda for the next Cabinet, I told Humphrey with quiet confidence.
Yes Prime Minister, he replied, staring at me thoughtfully.
OFFICIAL SECRETS
July 27th
Its only a week since I was forced to fire Dudley, a man I had always thought of as an old friend and a trusted ally. Imagine my bitterness and pain when Sir Humphrey revealed that hed been plotting against me.
And now, only one week later, Im facing another challenge to my authority -- and this time its from an even more unexpected quarter. My predecessor, the former Prime Minister, has submitted the latest chapter of his memoirs for security clearance -- and publication must be stopped.
First thing this morning, at Cabinet Committee, we were joined by the Solicitor-General [Sir Robin Evans], a couple of junior officials from his department, plus Humphrey and Bernard.
[The Solicitor-General was one of the two senior law officers of the Government, the Attorney-General being the other. Sir Robin was famous, some would say notorious, for adopting a legalistic holier-than-thou attitude towards his political colleagues, and in so doing he acquired the nickname Good Evens Ed.]
Robin was at his most proper and pious this morning. As you know, we have already approved Chapters One to Seven, and I see no grounds for withholding approval of Chapter Eight.
Hold on a minute, I said hastily. It seems to me that it contains some highly questionable material.