Then he pressed his lips to that place. He flattened his mouth around it and began to suck, then stroke, then suck again with no space between each movement. She mimicked him—sucking, then swirling, then—
She erupted, her body convulsing in expanding waves.
She would have screamed, but he pushed deep into her throat. Her cry became a gurgle and she was grateful. Then she had no thought as waves of delight shimmered endlessly through her.
If only they could truly last forever…
If only she and Bo Tao could…
If…
She slipped back to Earth. They had rolled apart, falling onto their backs so they had enough space to look down into each other's eyes. She saw dazed joy shimmering in his.
Is this love? she wondered. Was this feeling inside simply her body's awakening as a woman? Or was it love? Could she feel this way with the emperor? Or did it center on Bo Tao alone? She didn't know, and that unsettled her even more. So she eased back onto her side and focused on Bo Tao. Only him. And she felt joy because the strain around his eyes had smoothed.
There were noises in the hallway: footsteps, eunuch voices. She released a whimper for their benefit, making a mental note to put on her clothing so that she looked like she'd been beaten. Then she turned back to Bo Tao. She pressed a kiss into his belly, loving the way his muscles rippled in reaction.
This was love. She was in love with Bo Tao. She'd wanted to hide from the realization, but it had come, anyway. She was in love with the emperor's best friend. She was in love with a man that she would see often, perhaps daily in the Forbidden City, but she would be married to someone else.
She turned away, not needing to force the tears that streamed down her face.
Chapter 14
JI YUE MADE IT BACK to her room. Her legs were unsteady, her makeup was streaked with tears, and her hair was askew. To anyone seeing her, she was the picture of a beaten woman. To herself, she was a woman in love.
What a disaster! She did not join the virgins at dinner. Instead, she went and bathed in solitude. She said nothing to anyone, but of course, she was never alone. Even in the bathing chamber, a eunuch watched her. And so she was not surprised when the head eunuch came to her chamber that night. He would want to know exactly what had happened to her with Bo Tao. She barely looked at him until she realized there was another person stepping into her room behind the eunuch.
"Dowager Consort!" she cried as she dropped to the floor in a hurried kowtow. Ji Yue pressed her forehead to the ground, acutely aware that her hair was askew and her clothing loose. She glanced quickly at her smirking roommate Hua Si. That's why the damned girl hadn't undressed even though it was late. She'd known the dowager consort was coming!
Meanwhile, Ji Yue spoke to the floor. "My gravest apologies. I had no idea you were coming or I would have remained presentable."
"Nonsense, nonsense," the older woman said. "You may rise."
Ji Yue did, though she moved slowly, partly out of wariness, partly because she was so very sore. The dowager consort took a seat on her bed. She sat there stiffly, watching Ji Yue with narrowed eyes. Ji Yue did not make the mistake of sitting. Instead, she rose wearily to her feet to stand like a eunuch before the older woman, head bowed and hands clasped in front.
"How may I serve you, my lady?" she asked.
"Oh, my dear, I just came to see if you were hurt. After Sun Bo Tao's display this afternoon, I have been greatly concerned about your health."
It was not hard to bring up tears at the reference to Bo Tao. She had not thought loving a man would hurt so much.
The dowager consort leaned forward. "Did he beat you very badly?"
Ji Yue glanced nervously at Hua Si, who stood beside her, and then at the head eunuch, who loitered just as near. Did the dowager really think she would confess anything with those two in the room?
The woman understood, of course. The dowager clapped her hands. "Out! Both of you! I wish to speak to Virgin Ji Yue alone!"
The two clearly didn't want to go, but they knew their place. They prostrated themselves multiple times, but then scurried backward out of the room. Probably to press their ears against the wall. It didn't really matter. Ji Yue didn't intend to tell the dowager anything that couldn't be known by the whole of China. Or that's what she thought until she heard the lady's next words.
"So many changes," the dowager murmured. "It is hard and confusing for me. I cannot imagine how difficult it is for you girls." She smiled and looked kindly at Ji Yue. "I have heard of your mother. She's very smart. Do you miss her guidance?"
To her horror, Ji Yue's eyes teared up again. She couldn't speak, so she nodded in silent misery. Everything had been so clear when her mother was around. Her course had been obvious, her duties clear. And if she'd chafed at the restraints, at least she'd had no doubt about what she was doing. But now, out from under her mother's gimlet eye? She had nothing but questions and doubts.
"Tell me about your mother. Would I enjoy her company, do you think?"
Ji Yue swallowed her emotions away and forced herself to answer as demurely as possible. "I cannot presume to suggest who you would find enjoyable, my lady. I can only say that I miss her deeply. She always sees things more clearly than I."
The dowager pursed her lips in distaste. "That was a dull answer. I thought you understood that court life requires intelligence. You certainly can't survive on your looks." She wrinkled her nose. "Your feet are horrifyingly big. Therefore, your value to me is your mind."
Ji Yue lifted her head, startled to hear her mother's words so closely echoed by the dowager consort. "What do you wish me to tell you?" she answered.
"What did Sun Bo Tao do to you today?"
She swallowed and looked away. "He beat me."
"Do you know why?"
Ji Yue nodded then gave the answer the woman expected. "Because he lusts after me but cannot have me."
"And do you return that lust?"
Now there was a tricky question. Ji Yue took a moment to reason out her response. Everyone in the Forbidden City relied on spies. So to become useful to the dowager, all Ji Yue had to do was offer to become one of her spies. "I pretend to lust for him," she answered with a sly tone.
The dowager's charcoal-painted eyebrows rose in surprise. "Very wise of you. The lust is not real?"
Ji Yue shrugged. "He is a friend to your son. I can survive a beating if it means we women have a better understanding of the influences upon the great leader of our people." There, she had just shown the dowager that she was smart enough to be a spy. Now she had to convince the woman that she was no threat. But how?
She glanced to Hua Si's side of the room, and the idea came to her. Oh, it was so easy! She just had to convince the dowager that she could be controlled. She had to show the dowager that something very simple would keep Ji Yue completely in her grip.
So she looked down at her hands, her expression vulnerable. "Can I tell you a secret, my lady?" Ji Yue whispered.
The dowager quickly leaned forward. "Of course, my dear!"
"The poets talk about love. Sun Bo Tao is consumed by lust. I fear I am an alien creature because none of those things draw me." Ji Yue bit her lip as if she were betraying a great deficit. "There is only one thing that I crave."
"Really?" The empress was at the edge of her seat. "What is it?"
Ji Yue chewed on a fingernail and tried to look guilty. "My parents don't have a lot of money. I have two brothers who want to take the exam, but tutors are very expensive. And Mama says that the boys are our future."
"Quite right, quite right," the dowager said. "So you wish money for your brothers?"
Ji Yue blinked just like an ox. "Er, yes. Of course."
The dowager smiled and patted her hand. "What a noble goal, Ji Yue, but that is not really the truth, is it?"