It was nearly dawn when he finally accepted that he was a fool. She was an empress-to-be, and he was not the emperor and never would be. If only she would come outside. He would hold her, and they could watch the dawn together. They would talk about unimportant things, and his spirit would quiet, his worries ease. If only…
He turned and left the Forbidden City. He was only torturing himself here. There was no hope for him and Ji Yue, and yet…As he walked through the gate from the Forbidden City into Peking proper, a kind of madness seized him. Looking out into the dark city, he knew that there was a world beyond the walls of the imperial city, beyond China itself. A whole world where he could carve a place for himself and Ji Yue. If only he dared. If only she dared.
But he had to be very careful. He didn't know if he was being trailed, if some spy somewhere would see him. He couldn't afford to take the risk. So with all semblance of despondency, he hailed a rickshaw to take him home. He entered as usual, climbed into bed as usual. Then, when he was sure any possible spy would believe he'd fallen asleep, he slipped out of bed, darkened his skin with dirt and donned coolie pants and hat. Though his body ached for rest, he crept from his own home and headed for the docks.
Chapter 16
JI YUE DID NOT SEE Bo Tao that day. She searched for him discreetly. She prayed that every time she turned a corner, he would be there waiting. But she had to appear as if she didn't want, didn't yearn for even the slightest view of him. The constant pretending was giving her a terrible headache, but she consoled herself that if she were caught, she could claim to be watching for the emperor instead. After all, that's what all the other virgins were doing.
They were less than two days away from the final selection. All the remaining virgins would be brides, but what level of bride was still to be determined. The only examination left was the last verification of virginity. Excitement was mounting, now that everyone knew they would end up in one harem or another. The virgins' days were occupied with etiquette instruction. Ji Yue was taught how an imperial consort sat (beautifully), how she should eat (sparingly), how she should walk (rarely and with great beauty) and what she should say (nothing). The head eunuch was in charge of this instruction, and Ji Yue did her best to fade into the background. Unfortunately, that only increased his tight-lipped criticism of all she did. Meals, of course, were the worst. The dowager's critical eye missed nothing. And if she did, someone else was sure to tattle. Ji Yue had never met so many gossiping, backstabbing women. She certainly had never expected to live her life among them!
Worse, Ji Yue had an extra layer of deception to maintain during meals. After all, she was supposed to have a secret, near undeniable craving for food and sweets. So she had to remember to eat her food almost furtively, her hand motions a little rushed. Her anxiety needed to be clear but under the surface. Which soon created a very real problem with her food. One minute she really was starving, and the next she couldn't even face it.
And still Bo Tao stayed away. By the end of the evening meal, Ji Yue had worked herself into a state of high anxiety. She was convinced he had sent the message last night, and that she had failed him. He was now lying dead in some Peking garbage heap because she'd spurned him. The idea was completely ridiculous, but that didn't stop her imagination from running wild. If a messenger came to her tonight, nothing would keep her from going.
Fortunately, the messenger came before the final undressing. A eunuch sidled up to her as she was brushing out her hair. Though many girls kept their hair glued up for practical reasons, Ji Yue had never liked the feel of it, like a heavy brick upon her head. So she took the extra time every day and night to brush it out. Tonight, a pair of soft male hands pulled the brush away from her. She glanced up in shock at the pale-faced eunuch who immediately began stroking her with a too-gentle touch.
"What are you doing?" she said as she tried to jerk her head away.
Underneath the brush, he grabbed a hunk of her hair and held her firm. Apparently, the eunuch was a lot stronger than he looked. She glared at him in the mirror and fought the urge to grimace. First she had to know what he wanted. But she didn't have to treat him nicely to find out.
"Do you know," she drawled, "that even a clean man—" that was the euphemism for a eunuch "—will feel great pain when hit hard in the groin. I understand some even pass out."
In the mirror the eunuch's eyes widened and he softened his grip on her hair. But he did not release her. "I bring you a message," he whispered. "You are to come with me to speak with the emperor."
So, not a message from Bo Tao. Her eyes stung more from that than the pain of having this man's meaty fist wrapped around her hair. She lifted her chin. "I do not believe the emperor would send someone as brutal as you. Release my hair now or suffer as only a man can."
He relaxed his grip, and she twisted her head away from him. Then she held out her hand for the brush. He gave it to her carefully, obviously afraid that she might beat him with it.
"You may leave now," she said.
He didn't move. Instead, he gestured out her window. "It is not just you, Virgin Chen Ji Yue. Others have been asked to a private audience."
She didn't want to look; she was certain this was a trick. And yet her gaze was drawn to the window nonetheless. Was Bo Tao out there waiting in the shadows? No. But she did see three virgins being escorted somewhere. Each was accompanied by a eunuch, but the girls did not seem to be struggling. If anything, they appeared excited. Unfortunately, she couldn't see well enough to know which of the virgins had been selected.
"Who goes to this special audience?"
"Are you scared?" he taunted. Then his gaze grew sly. "There will be food there. Special treats that are the emperor's favorite."
Definitely a trick, but now she was caught in her own lies. If she were indeed desperate for sweets, this would be just the lure to get her to comply. She had to reassure the dowager consort that she could be manipulated by food. She had to keep on the dowager's good side at least for two more days, until after the final selection. Which meant…
Which meant she was just making excuses for herself. She wanted to go, if only because she might see Bo Tao. It wasn't likely, but she would have no chance if she sat here brushing her hair.
"Chen Ji Yue!" the eunuch hissed. "You must come now or not at all!"
She pushed up from her chair. "I will come." He reached out to take her arm, but she jerked it away. "I will walk on my own." It was a false reassurance. The eunuch was clearly stronger than she was, but at least this way she could run if she had to.
The eunuch bowed to her, his manner vaguely condescending. He knew more than he was saying, but she could think of no way to get the information out of him. So she simply gestured him ahead. She would follow and keep a wary eye out for problems. And for Bo Tao.
They moved quickly through the Forbidden City. To her surprise, two more girls were being ushered ahead. And straight to the emperor's palace! It couldn't possibly be a real appointment with the emperor, could it? The prospect made her heart race. She would make a better impression this time. She wouldn't talk about insurgents or peasants or anything political at all. She would be sweet and beautiful and…
Oh no! Her hair was still down, flowing about her back like a washer girl's. "Wait!" she panted. "I must fix my hair."
"There isn't time," the eunuch replied. "Besides, he likes it better this way. Do you think the timing is accidental? He wants you in partial dress."
Her hands hovered about her head in indecision. She didn't know what to believe or whom to trust. If only she could see Bo Tao. If only…