Her stricken expression was like a blow to Bo Tao's gut. "Ji Yue," he began, but she shook her head.
"My immorality will follow my whole family."
She wasn't referring to simply being thrown out of the Forbidden City. She was referring to his plan to run away, to escape and live with him in love.
Ji Yue looked down at her hands. "I cannot take my own happiness over the lives of my family. I simply cannot."
Her words were a death knell to his hopes and dreams. Then the doctor made it worse. "What if the emperor demands honor suicides from all of you?" she asked. "What good will that do when the eunuchs come with rope and tie your neck to a beam?"
Bo Tao saw the shudder course through Ji Yue's body. He took a step forward, wanting to soothe her fears, wanting to promise that nothing like that would happen to her. But he couldn't. In truth, the soldiers might even now be searching for him. His neck was by no means safe. After all, he was master of the festival, and he had allowed nine virgins to be ruined.
"Think, Ji Yue," he said to her. "Think of all the possibilities." He willed her to look into his eyes. He silently urged her to remember what he offered—a ship ready to take them away, an escape for the two of them. To his delight, she did lift her head, she did meet his gaze, and he believed she understood what he offered.
But in the end, she turned away. "My heart goes one way, and if it were only me, I would gladly follow it. But the moment I stepped inside the Forbidden City, I chose family over my happiness. I will not dishonor my family now." Her voice was dull, but he heard the steel beneath it. She would not hurt her family, which made her more honorable than him.
"Do you know what you risk?" His voice broke on the last word. Even if she escaped this disaster, even if she was allowed to remain without committing suicide, she had clearly made an enemy of the dowager consort and the head eunuch. Her life would be a misery. And his life would be a misery watching her. Heedless of the doctor beside him, he dropped to his knees before Ji Yue. "You would do this for your family's honor?"
"I do not blame you," she said. Then she stiffened her spine. "If something happens to me, will you see that my family has work?" He understood the unspoken message. If they were to run away together, there would be no one here to see that her family did not suffer any consequences.
"Of course, but—"
She looked at the doctor. "There are ways, are there not? To prevent pregnancy? And to fake virginity?"
The doctor grimaced. "It will be hard to fool the emperor. You will not be his first virgin."
She shrugged. "If it comes to that, I will already be his wife. It would shame him as much as me."
Bo Tao almost snorted. "Do not count on Yi Zhen thinking that way."
Her eyes met his. "But you will still be here to assure—"
"Yes, yes," he snapped. "I will look after your father. But you, Ji Yue…" He bit his lip. "Does your life mean nothing?"
She reached out and touched his cheek, the stroke so tender, so exquisite that he shuddered at the beauty of it. "A woman's life is to bring beauty and honor to her family and her husband. We have no honor or purpose beyond that. You know this as well as I do."
He knew. All the love stories in China ended with death. It was the only way to preserve honor. "You are smart, Ji Yue. Surely you can think of another way."
She shook her head. "I am an imperial virgin. Even in the lowest harem, I will bring honor and prosperity to my family. That was why I came to the Forbidden City in the first place." Her gaze sharpened on the doctor. "I am an imperial virgin, aren't I?"
The doctor sighed and glanced at Bo Tao. He gave a barely perceptible nod in confirmation. He would give the physician an excellent bribe for her part in faking Ji Yue's virginity.
"Yes," the doctor said with a crisp assurance. "But you should rest all day tomorrow to recover. As I have already examined you, you will not need to do so again with the other virgins." Then she glanced sharply at Bo Tao. "Provided, of course, that the emperor does not demand—"
"He will not. The only dishonor is on the traitors who created the party in the first place." He pushed to his feet. He had to do what he could to mitigate the disaster and to be sure that the blame fell where it belonged. "I must go." He looked down with great regret at Ji Yue. "I will make sure that your honor and your family's status are not harmed." He said it as a vow and silently prayed that he could keep his promise.
Ji Yue nodded in gratitude.
"Stay and care for her, please," he said to the physician. Then he looked one last time into Ji Yue's eyes. She had made her choice, and he could not fault her for it. She had chosen honor over love, her family over herself. With a bow of greatest respect, he turned and left.
It was time to face an emperor's wrath.
Chapter 19
THE TAINTED VIRGINS were quarantined, Bo Tao was disgraced and six eunuchs were whipped, two of them so badly that they were not expected to live. Ji Yue heard the news with the stoicism of an empty heart. The other girls in quarantine with her sobbed or had maidenly hysterics on a regular basis. During the noon meal, the head eunuch came and apologized for the grave mental illness of his subordinate who had perpetrated such a heinous crime. He told all of them that they would be allowed to return home to their families without disgrace.
No one left, of course. They all knew it was a lie. And no one dared say that it had been the head eunuch who had met them at the door to the palace and who had directed them inside. In such a way, the virgins hoped to buy favor with the evil man.
The dowager consort visited later that day. She went from room to room, a sly smile on her face as she praised their new quarters. It was to become the home for the lowest harem. She spent the most time in Ji Yue's bedroom. She complimented Ji Yue's bravery and confided that the man she had gripped was permanently maimed. Then she remarked on how wonderful it was that her son was so open-minded as to not require honor killings for them all. They would become wives despite everything!
Ji Yue did as was expected. She kissed the ground in thanks for the emperor's generosity. Then she lifted her head and pinned the dowager consort with a dark stare. She had not been able to forget Bo Tao's comment that the dowager had probably helped plan this disgrace. She didn't look away but simply stared and wondered. And the longer she looked, the darker the dowager's color became.
"I would have helped you, Dowager Consort," Ji Yue finally said. "I would have seen to your comfort out of respect for your place as his mother." She straightened up from the floor, then made it to her feet. But the dowager did not let her leave.
"And what will you do now?" The question was half taunt, half fear.
Ji Yue arched her brow and made her next words a vow. "I will see that you get the honor and respect you deserve." Then she walked away, knowing she had just declared the most powerful woman in the Forbidden City as her enemy. It was a foolish thing to do, and yet the petty vengeance felt right. Worse, all sorts of possible slights and petty revenges came easily to mind. In this way she soothed her own battered heart.
By evening she grew sick of her own thoughts. Revenges she would never enact could not distract her for long from her real pain, the ache of losing the love of her life. She could have fled the country with Bo Tao. She could even now be lying in his arms, dreaming of the sons that they would have.
If she had run, would her father really have been destroyed? Would her mother truly have committed suicide from the shame? It was a possibility, she knew, but would they have actually done it? And if she was doomed to the lowest harem anyway, would the emperor truly care if she escaped with his best friend? Would he really punish two such insignificant beings when he had all of China to oversee? Perhaps. Perhaps not.