She pulls herself to her knees. Throws one tender leg across him to straddle his thighs, leans forward to run palms along the cobblestone path of his stomach, chest. Her unkempt hair brushes across her face, barely touches Stefan, and she wonders if he can still be tickled.
Connie’s breath quickens, oh the heat, and it’s always a pleasure to feel Stefan warming beneath her. He is Michelangelo’s David come to consciousness, so pale, the color of chalk. Would that he could return these tender caresses. She would give much to feel the rough warmth of his hands again … cupping a breast, splaying her thighs. But Connie has quickly realized this was a trade-in for his loyalty. At least his eyes follow her. His gaze was not frozen in place with the rest of him.
She lets it build inside…
build, her tongue on him, like licking a salty stone…
and at last she mounts him, positioning herself above his permanent erection, lowering herself until they are joined. She rocks, front to back, and tries to tell herself that a fleeting glimpse into Stefan’s eyes doesn’t really register his fear. She’s careful, never reckless, knowing full well that if she were to let go with too much abandon, she could snap him off at the root. Leave him like an ancient statue, emasculated by vandalism, or erosion and acid rain.
Silly Stefan. Connie’s a considerate lover. Responsive to a touch made perfect by precision rather than brute pressure. Does Stefan even understand that women are all different that way?
She grinds upon him until she trembles over her brink, then rises up and off with utmost care. His shaft glistens alabaster in the morning sun, and she dries him with the sheet. Sighs and lies beside him with her wound still wet, still throbbing, and for now the ache has been assuaged.
“I know what my problem is,” Connie tells him, this man like stone whose bed she shares. “Emotions.”
Silence in the house. Outside the birds are near, and the morning traffic distant enough that she never has to worry about distractions, intrusions into their sanctuary.
“I’m addicted to emotions I haven’t even felt yet.”
iii. icon
He’s a man in a shell, and the shell used to feel. Used to flex. If he lost his mind, maybe he could leave the shell behind, free of care and no longer shackled to its tonnage.
When he’s dead, will he rot? Or lie as a stone mummy, his own flesh become his sarcophagus?
Stefan has ample time for contemplation. By admittedly loose calculation of dawns and dusks, he’s been here just over a month. Immobile, his limbs and trunk and neck no longer his own, instead a sculpture frozen in the pose of sleep. Muscles brittle beneath skin like stone.
Ossified. Flesh gone to bone.
And how has this happened? He remembers an evening a month distant, but in these two-plus fortnights of silent immobility, he’s lived a numbed eternity. Memories of vertical perspective and movement beyond eyelids seem ancient.
An evening of newfound companionship, it would do for a night or for a week. Her name was Connie — wasn’t it? It seems so very long ago since those guardedly suggestive introductions over drinks and happy hour hors d’ouevres, and since then she has never referred to herself by name.
Summernight sweat, they lathered each other well in this very bed. Their wetness flowed like earlier wine, and if by the end of the carnal netherhours he felt his joints stiffening, he thought it only as side-effect of her insatiability. Which he would not have classified as nymphomania, precisely. Such insatiability had to go deeper than the libido, a chute emptying into a bottomless chasm of need. She wore him out, and despite the landscape of an unfamiliar bed, he slept deeply and well.
Like a petrified log.
Awakening the next morning to a deep and overall soreness he had never quite known. Movement equated with pain, like muscles wrenched during autumn’s first pick-up game of football with friends a few years ago, before families were begun in earnest by so many of them. Stefan asked to sleep in, you don’t mind, do you? And she did not. He blithely loved her in that moment, her bright understanding, her trust.
Awakening later that afternoon to realize the pain was gone, while even the possibility of movement had been taken with it. His fear was great, an awesome weight to bear, the same fear the fox or mink must feel with the first slam of trap jaws on its paw. And then, compounding the misery, he knew the shame of embarrassment.
He was lewdly, permanently, erect.
Awakening with a hard-on had always been a matter of goofy pride, everything in working order and ready for action. It had become the most ironic of curses.
He glanced down along his length, could tell a difference in skin color, healthy fleshtones gone dusty white. His internalized horror at this was exceeded only by Connie’s nonchalance when she came home to find him this way, not as if she had been expecting it, but worse: as if it were the answer to some incoherent prayer. He knew the moment she walked in that she would never summon help. With moist and loving eyes, she sat and stroked his new body for a time, and if he were outside himself, he might have marveled at the fact that no matter how firmly she pressed, poked, or prodded, his skin would not dimple.
Connie designated this room as his, converted the second floor guest room for her own use. He would be harder to move than a dresser emptied of its drawers — oh, here was morale. And she began to care for him like a nurse, of sorts. He can no longer move his jaws to eat, though she is able to force a stout straw through his lips, and he can suck up water and thin broths. Apparently his internal metabolism has slowed, for this meager diet seems sufficient. His resultant messes she cleans without complaint. Defecation is a thing of the past. The occasional spout of urine is all.
Nurse and keeper she may be, but she is also mistress, and he lacks even the physiological cop-out of impotence to deny Connie her satisfactions. Strong in the beginning, now hate is no longer in his remaining psychological framework. For further irony has not escaped him: She has her own design firm — this he remembers — and owns her own home. Isn’t this the dream of every guy teetering on career burnout, to kiss it goodbye and become a kept man?
Stefan still contemplates the why of it all. Vengeful wrath of some newly stirred deity? It’s crossed his mind, though this seems extreme. He’s been no saint, but no plundering cocksman, either. In terms of callous usage and abandonment, he has known far more deserving of punishment. Which is no excuse, Stefan supposes, but in this day and age, it seems as if the women he has known have been equally handicapped at making some genuine connection. All of them, male and female, fumbling in emotional darkness like blind, mad children.
Which, in retrospect, made his own heartfelt numbness seem quite normal. Apathy has just never seemed very important.
He’s had time to think himself through quite well.
And if he were to be run past a physician and a psychiatrist, what would be their diagnosis?
Patient exhibits symptoms of new, as-yet-unclassified social disease afflicting, in order: heart, soul, and finally body. Emotional rigidity and isolation seem to stimulate sudden massive production of osteoblasts and fibrous matrix. Accumulation of calcareous deposits continues until intramembranous ossification is complete.