Thukkety thukkety thukkety went Enid’s masher round the pot of sweet, bitter, watery rutabaga.
Alfred washed his hands in the bathroom, gave the soap to Gary, and employed a small towel.
“Picture a square,” he said to Gary.
Enid knew that Alfred hated liver, but the meat was full of health-bringing iron, and whatever Alfred’s shortcomings as a husband, no one could say he didn’t play by the rules. The kitchen was her domain, and he never meddled.
“Chipper, have you washed your hands?”
It seemed to Chipper that if he could only see Cindy again for one moment he might be rescued from the Dinner. He imagined being with her in her house and following her to her room. He imagined her room as a haven from danger and responsibility.
“Chipper?”
“You square A, you square B, and you add twice the product of A and B,” Alfred told Gary as they sat down at the table.
“Chipper, you better wash your hands,” Gary warned.
Alfred pictured a square:
1. Large Square & Smaller Squares
“I’m sorry I’m a little short on bacon,” Enid said. “I thought I had more.”
In the bathroom Chipper was reluctant to wet his hands because he was afraid he would never get them dry again. He let the water run audibly while he rubbed his hands with a towel. His failure to glimpse Cindy through the window had wrecked his composure.
“We had high fevers,” Gary reported. “Chipper had an earache, too.”
Brown grease-soaked flakes of flour were impastoed on the ferrous lobes of liver like corrosion. The bacon also, what little there was of it, had the color of rust.
Chipper trembled in the bathroom doorway. You encountered a misery near the end of the day and it took a while to gauge its full extent. Some miseries had sharp curvature and could be negotiated readily. Others had almost no curvature and you knew you’d be spending hours turning the corner. Great whopping-big planet-sized miseries. The Dinner of Revenge was one of these.
“How was your trip,” Enid asked Alfred because she had to sometime.
“Tiring.”
“Chipper, sweetie, we’re all sitting down.”
“I’m counting to five,” Alfred said.
“There’s bacon, you like bacon,” Enid sang. This was a cynical, expedient fraud, one of her hundred daily conscious failures as a mother.
“Two, three, four,” Alfred said.
Chipper ran to take his place at the table. No point in getting spanked.
“Blessalor this foodier use nusta thy service make asair mindful neesa others Jesus name amen,” Gary said.
A dollop of mashed rutabaga at rest on a plate expressed a clear yellowish liquid similar to plasma or the matter in a blister. Boiled beet greens leaked something cupric, greenish. Capillary action and the thirsty crust of flour drew both liquids under the liver. When the liver was lifted, a faint suction could be heard. The sodden lower crust was unspeakable.
Chipper considered the life of a girl. To go through life softly, to be a Meisner, to play in that house and be loved like a girl.
“You want to see my jail I made with Popsicle sticks?” Gary said.
“A jail, well well,” Alfred said.
The provident young person neither ate his bacon immediately nor let it be soaked by the vegetable juices. The provident young person evacuated his bacon to the higher ground at the plate’s edge and stored it there as an incentive. The provident young person ate his bite of fried onions, which weren’t good but also weren’t bad, if he needed a preliminary treat.
“We had a den meeting yesterday,” Enid said. “Gary, honey, we can look at your jail after dinner.”
“He made an electric chair,” Chipper said. “To go in his jail. I helped.”
“Ah? Well well.”
“Mom got these huge boxes of Popsicle sticks,” Gary said.
“It’s the Pack,” Enid said. “The Pack gets a discount.”
Alfred didn’t think much of the Pack. A bunch of fathers taking it easy ran the Pack. Pack-sponsored activities were lightweight: contests involving airplanes of balsa, or cars of pinewood, or trains of paper whose boxcars were books read.
(Schopenhauer: If you want a safe compass to guide you through life … you cannot do better than accustom yourself to regard this world as a penitentiary, a sort of penal colony.)
“Gary, say again what you are,” said Chipper, for whom Gary was the glass of fashion. “Are you a Wolf?”
“One more Achievement and I’m a Bear.”
“What are you now, though, a Wolf?”
“I’m a Wolf but basically I’m a Bear. All’s I have to do now is Conversation.”
“Conservation,” Enid corrected. “All I have to do now is Conservation.”
“It’s not Conversation?”
“Steve Driblett made a gillateen but it didn’t work,” Chipper said.
“Driblett’s a Wolf.”
“Brent Person made a plane but it busted in half.”
“Person is a Bear.”
“Say broke, sweetie, not busted.”
“Gary, what’s the biggest firecracker?” Chipper said.
“M-80. Then cherry bombs.”
“Wouldn’t it be neat to get an M-80 and put it in your jail and blow it up?”
“Lad,” Alfred said, “I don’t see you eating your dinner.”
Chipper was growing emceeishly expansive; for the moment, the Dinner had no reality. “Or seven M-80s,” he said, “and you blew ‘em all at once, or one after another, wouldn’t it be neat?”
“I’d put a charge in every corner and then put extra fuse,” Gary said. “I’d wind the fuses together and detonate them all at once. That’s the best way to do it, isn’t it, Dad. Separate the charges and put an extra fuse, isn’t it. Dad?”
“Seven thousand hundred million M-80s,” Chipper cried. He made explosive noises to suggest the megatonnage he had in mind.
“Chipper,” Enid said with smooth deflection, “tell Dad where we’re all going next week.”
“The den’s going to the Museum of Transport and I get to come, too,” Chipper recited.
“Oh Enid.” Alfred made a sour face. “What are you taking them there for?”
“Bea says it’s very interesting and fun for kids.”
Alfred shook his head, disgusted. “What does Bea Meisner know about transportation?”
“It’s perfect for a den meeting,” Enid said. “There’s a real steam engine the boys can sit in.”
“What they have,” Alfred said, “is a thirty-year-old Mohawk from the New York Central. It’s not an antique. It’s not rare. It’s a piece of junk. If the boys want to see what a real railroad is—”
“Put a battery and two electrodes on the electric chair,” Gary said.
“Put an M-80!”
“Chipper, no, you run a current and the current kills the prisoner.”
“What’s a current?”
A current flowed when you stuck electrodes of zinc and copper in a lemon and connected them.
What a sour world Alfred lived in. When he caught himself in mirrors it shocked him how young he still looked. The set of mouth of hemorrhoidal schoolteachers, the bitter permanent lip-pursing of arthritic men, he could taste these expressions in his own mouth sometimes, though he was physically in his prime, the souring of life.
He did therefore enjoy a rich dessert. Pecan pie. Apple brown Betty. A little sweetness in the world.
“They have two locomotives and a real caboose!” Enid said.
Alfred believed that the real and the true were a minority that the world was bent on exterminating. It galled him that romantics like Enid could not distinguish the false from the authentic: a poor-quality, flimsily stocked, profit-making “museum” from a real, honest railroad—