“What time will you be home?” he asked, as though nothing had happened to Jimmy. “Are we still going to the movies?” But when he said that, something snapped inside her. She just couldn't.
“I can't, Coop. I couldn't think straight. I'm going to hang around here for a while, and see if I can help his mother. Mark and Taryn are going home in a while, and I think it's mean to leave her alone with a comatose son in a strange city. She has no one with her.”
“How touching,” Coop said with an edge to his voice. “Don't you think you're carrying this a bit far, Alex? He's not your boyfriend for God's sake. At least I hope not.” She didn't dignify his comment with a response. If anything, it was insensitive and insulting. His jealousy of Jimmy was misplaced at that point, and totally out of line.
“I'll be home later” was all she said.
“Maybe Taryn will want to go to the movies with me,” he said petulantly, and Alex felt a chill run through her. He was behaving like a spoiled brat, not a grown man. But Coop was a child at times, it was part of his charm.
“I don't think she will, but you can always ask her. See you later,” Alex said stiffly and hung up. Coop's reaction to the situation was causing her considerable distress.
She finished work at six, and Mark and Taryn were just leaving when she got there. Jimmy's mother was sitting calmly in the waiting room with them. She looked composed but sad, but she was in better shape than they were. It had been a long day for her too, with the shock of the news, and the long flight from Boston before she saw him. But she looked like a quiet, capable, unassuming woman. Mark and Taryn left a few minutes later, and Alex offered to get her soup and a sandwich or a cup of coffee.
“You're very kind,” Valerie smiled at Alex, “but I'm afraid I couldn't eat it.” In the end, she accepted some crackers and a cup of soup Alex brought her from the nurses' station. “How lucky you know your way around here,” she said gratefully as she took the soup from Alex and sipped it. “I can't believe this happened. Poor Jimmy has had such a tough time. First Maggie got sick, and then she died, and now this. I worry about him.”
“So do I,” Alex said softly.
“I'm very grateful he has such good friends here. Thank God, he had given Mark my number,” she said, and the two women chatted for a while. She asked Alex about her work, and she knew about Coop from Jimmy. Mark had explained Alex's situation to her before she got there, so she didn't misunderstand and think Alex was Jimmy's girlfriend. But she knew she wasn't. She kept in very close contact with Jimmy and knew he hadn't seen any women since he lost Maggie. She had been afraid he never would. The two had been perfect for each other, and had an enviable marriage, just as she had. She'd been a widow for ten years and had long since given up meeting any man she cared about. There was no man on earth like Jimmy's father, in her eyes. They had been married for twenty-four years, and she was resigned to having that be enough for one lifetime. No one could replace him, and she had no desire to try.
They sat and talked for a long time, and she asked Alex to go in with her the next time she saw Jimmy.
She confessed that it made her feel braver, and afterwards they talked and she cried. She couldn't imagine what her life would be like if he left her. He was all she had in the world now, although from what she said, she had a busy life. She did volunteer work with the blind and the homeless in Boston. But Jimmy was her only child, and just knowing he was in the world somewhere, even if not at home, made life worth living for her.
It was nearly ten when Alex talked one of the nurses into setting up a bed for Valerie in a back hallway. She didn't want to leave him, although Alex offered to drive her to the gatehouse. But she preferred to stay at the hospital in case something happened.
It was ten-thirty when Alex called Coop, and he was out. Taryn said he had gone to the movies, which seemed strange to Alex.
“I think this whole hospital thing makes him nervous,” Taryn explained, but Alex had already figured that out. But it still irritated her that he couldn't at least try to rise to the occasion. He had total denial.
“Tell him I'm going to stay at my place tonight. I have to be back at five, and it's easier to be close by. I don't want to wake him when I get up,” Alex explained, and Taryn understood.
“I'll leave him a note. I'm dead myself.” Alex had already told her that there was no change in Jimmy's condition. Neither better, nor worse, nor more hopeful than it had been.
And when she went to say goodbye to Valerie, she was already dozing. Alex tiptoed away softly. And as she lay in her own bed that night, she thought of Coop, and tried to identify what she was feeling. It took her a long time, but as she drifted off to sleep, she realized that she wasn't angry at him, she was disappointed. For the first time, in the wake of Jimmy's accident, she had seen a side of Coop she didn't like. And she knew that no matter how much she loved him, she had lost respect for him. Along with Jimmy's accident, for Alex, it was a devastating piece of news.
Chapter 20
Alex called Coop the next morning from work, and he told her she had missed a terrific movie, which stunned her. His denial was in full force. He didn't even ask about Jimmy. She volunteered the information anyway, and said that his condition remained unchanged. He said he was sorry to hear it, but tried to change the subject as quickly as he could.
“The saga continues,” he said, sounding almost flip, and she wanted to shake him. Didn't he understand that a man's life was hanging in the balance? What part of this was he missing? All of it, apparently. The realities of Jimmy's situation were too much for Coop.
She said something to Taryn about it later on when she saw her in the trauma unit again. Mark and Valerie were in with him.
“I don't think he relates to difficult situations,” Taryn said honestly. She'd been a little startled by his reaction too, and he'd said something to her about resisting “negative energy” over breakfast, that it was a very dangerous thing to let into your experience. But Taryn had the suspicion that he felt guilty about it. No matter how natural his avoidant reaction was to him, he knew it wasn't the right thing, whether he admitted it or not. But what bothered Alex was how he could allow himself to avoid the situation entirely. As a result of his denial, he offered no one any support. And as a result, she felt cheated by him. What she had to accept finally was that it was the best he could do. But it worried her to think about what would happen if something “negative” happened to her one day. Would he deal with it, or go to the movies? It was scary to observe him doing everything he could to run away. It was distressing to watch, and none of what he was doing felt good to her.
She went to The Cottage after work that day, although the others were at the hospital with Valerie. But she didn't want to push Coop too far. He was pleasant and easy when she got home, and had ordered a delicious dinner for them from Spago. It was his way of making up to her for what he didn't do. Coop didn't “do” unpleasant. He did pretty. And easy. And fun. And elegant. And gracious. He had somehow managed to weed out of his life the things he didn't like or that frightened him, and only acknowledged the things he found “amusing,” and fun to do. The trouble was, Alex reminded herself, real life wasn't like that. And there was generally a lot more “unpleasant” than “amusing” in life. But not in Coop's world. He wouldn't allow the bad stuff in. He just pretended to himself and everyone else that the bad stuff didn't exist. It made for some very odd perceptions and experiences. And he didn't “do” broke either. He did it, but he didn't acknowledge it. He just went on living, and spending, and playing. And in spite of everything, they had a lovely, relaxing evening. In Alex's eyes, it was more than a little surreal.