“Hey, it's okay,” she said softly, “I'm scared too… and I like you too… I always did I was terrified when I thought you would die after the accident, and all I wanted was for you to wake up from the coma and come back…and you did…and now Coop's gone. I don't know what'll happen either. Let's just go slow, okay?… And we'll see “
He was sitting there smiling at her, not sure what either of them had said, or what they felt, other than that they liked each other. But maybe it was enough. They were both good people, and they deserved the right person in their lives. Whether or not they proved to be the right ones remained to be seen, but it was a beginning at least. It was a promise to promise to try to promise to maybe if they were lucky fall in love with each other one day. They had each opened their doors, and were standing on the threshold of a new beginning. It was all either of them could have hoped for, or asked for at that point in time. And for now, it was enough. Neither of them was ready for more.
And when she drove him back to the gatehouse after dinner that night, they felt both comfortable and awkward, hopeful and scared. And when she helped him out and up the stairs, he turned to her with a smile, and then leaned down and kissed her. He almost slipped and fell, and she yelled at him as she helped him into bed.
“Are you crazy to kiss me there, you could have fallen down the stairs and killed me, and yourself!” He laughed, watching her. He had always loved everything about her, and even more so now.
“Stop yelling at me!” he tossed back at her good-naturedly.
“Then don't do dumb things like that,” she said as he kissed her again. And a few minutes later, she left, and called back up the stairs from the living room, “Tell your mother I said thank you!” For what she had given them, for encouraging Jimmy to live again, and finally let go of Maggie, at least a little. There were no promises, no guarantees. But there was hope for both of them. They were young and life had everything in store for them. Alex smiled to herself as she drove home, thinking of him. And in his bedroom at the gatehouse, Jimmy looked pensive and smiled too. Life was a perilous road at times, fraught with demons and miseries. But his mother had been right. It was time to give life another chance. Time for a new beginning.
Chapter 24
While Alex and Jimmy were at the Chinese restaurant, Coop was out with Valerie that night. He had promised to take her to L'Orangerie. She had been nursing Jimmy for nearly two months, and Coop thought she deserved at least one decent evening out. And he appreciated her friendship. Besides which, he'd been lonely since Alex left. In the past, he had always rushed into other romances to heal his “chagrins d'amour,” but this time he had wanted to spend some time alone. It was yet another first for him.
It was also the first time he'd been out to a restaurant in a month, and Valerie proved to be excellent company. They seemed to share the same points of view on a multitude of subjects.
They liked the same operas, the same music, the same cities in Europe. He knew Boston almost as well as she did, and they both loved New York. She had spent time in London with her husband before Jimmy was born, and Coop loved going there. They even liked the same food, and the same restaurants.
They shared an easy, relaxing evening, and talked about Taryn and Mark. He told her the story of how Taryn had come into his life. And she talked about Jimmy and his father and how much alike they were. They seemed to touch on everything that mattered to either of them. And he talked about Alex.
“To be honest, Valerie, I was crazy about her, but I don't think it was ever right. I'm not sure she's old enough to realize it yet, but I think we'd have made each other unhappy in the end. I'd been having second thoughts about it for the last month, but I didn't want to give her up, selfishly.” It had actually felt better to him not to be selfish for once, in the end. He and Valerie even talked about Charlene, and what an embarrassing mistake that had been. There was nothing hidden between them. Alex had taught him that. And the honesty was familiar to him now, and comfortable with Valerie. He was even candid about the financial stress he was in. He had sold one of his Rolls-Royces recently, which was a big step for him. At least, for once in his life, he was facing things. Liz would have been proud of him, and Abe nearly was. And his agent said he was chasing an important part for him. But he always said that.
“Maybe it isn't so bad being a grown-up,” he confessed to Valerie, contrary to what he'd said after leaving Alex a month before. “It's a novelty for me. I've never been a grown-up before.” But his lack of responsibility had always been part of his charm. There was just a high price to pay for it at some point. And the piper still had to be paid. “I wanted to go to Europe this summer.” He had talked to Alex about the Hotel du Cap, but she couldn't get away from work. And he couldn't afford it anyway. “But I'm going to stick around and hustle work.”
“Would you like to come to Cape Cod for a few days when I go back, Coop? I have a comfortable old house there. It was my grandmother's, and I don't run it as well as she did. It's a lot harder these days. The place is falling apart, but it has a lot of charm. I've spent my summers there since I was a child.” The house meant a lot to her and she liked the idea of showing it to Coop. She was sure he'd appreciate it.
“I'd like that very much,” he said with a warm smile. He enjoyed being with her. You could see that she was a woman who had suffered a great deal, but at the same time, she had learned from it, and made the best of it. She wasn't sad or depressed or pathetic. She was peaceful, calm, and wise. And it did him good just being with her. He had felt that about her from the first. He enjoyed her as a friend, and could easily imagine their friendship growing into more in time. He had never been attracted to a woman her age, or not in a long time. But he could see a lot of merit in it now. He had developed a strong distaste for women like Charlene, and he didn't want to hurt or disappoint anyone, as he had Alex. It was finally time to play with kids at least a little closer to his age. She was, after all, nearly twenty years younger, but it was a vast improvement over what he'd been doing in recent years, with girls half Valerie's age, or a third of his own.
“Is there anyone in your life, Valerie?” he asked her with gentle curiosity. He wanted to make sure there was no one waiting for her in Boston or Cape Cod before he embarked on anything, or even approached it with her, and she shook her head as she smiled at him.
“I haven't wanted to be involved with anyone since my husband died. It's been ten years.” He looked shocked.
“That's a terrible waste,” he said sympathetically. She was a beautiful woman and she deserved to have someone in her life.
“I'm beginning to think so too,” she admitted, “and I was afraid Jimmy would do the same thing. I've been on his back a lot about that. He needs time, but he can't mourn Maggie forever. She was a wonderful girl, and a great wife for him. But she's gone. He's going to have to face that one day.”
“He will,” Coop said confidently. “Nature will push him, if nothing else does,” he laughed. “It did me. A few too many times, I'm afraid,” and then he looked serious. “But I've never had a great grief like that in my life.” He had enormous respect for both of them. They had come a long way, and in his own way so had he. He just hoped Alex recovered quickly, and wasn't bitter about the disappointment he'd been for her. He knew how badly Carter had hurt her, and he didn't want to add to her scars. He hoped she was finding her way, or would soon.