sorry. I don't know what else you want me to say."
He nodded. "Then maybe we need to see someone."
"See someone?"
"A marriage counselor."
"Arlene wants us to see a marriage counselor?"
"It couldn't hurt."
"It couldn't help."
"Why not? Why won't you even try?"
Jill stared at him. "What makes you think I've not been trying? All these years, what
makes you think I've not tried?"
"So now what? We go on like this until you say you want a divorce?"
"What do you want, Craig?"
"I want our life back," he said loudly.
"What life is that? Where you're gone four or five nights a week and I'm here, tending to
the house and laundry, doing your shopping and cleaning. And on the few occasions where
we're actually home and awake at the same time, I'm in your bed so you can have sex. Is
that the life you're talking about?"
"Is that... is that your version of our life?" he asked quietly.
"Yes. Do you see it differently?"
"I'm a coach. I have obligations. You know that. Other wives understand."
"Name one other coach at Kline who is as involved in three sports as you are. And then find
one who is on three softball teams during the summer."
"Oh, now you're bringing up my one leisure activity? Softball is the only time I get to relax.
You think coaching is a piece of cake?"
"No, I know it's not. Obviously it takes up most of your time."
"What do you want me to do? You want me to quit coaching?"
"Craig, you love coaching more than anything in this world. More than me, more than Angie,
more than our marriage. How can I possibly ask you to give it up? It's what makes you who
you are."
He shook his head but didn't attempt to deny it. "So what do you want me to do?"
"I have no idea, Craig. You can be patient with me and see what happens, you can say the
hell with it and file for divorce, I don't know."
"I don't want a divorce, Jill."
She shrugged. "Then I guess we'll go on and see what happens."
"Do you want me to move into the spare room?"
"Is that what you want to do?"
He shook his head. "Not really, no."
"Then don't."
She let out a heavy breath as he walked back into the house, feeling somewhat relieved
that they'd talked but still wondering what she was going to do about her life. It wasn't
fair to Craig to go on like they were if she had no intention of being his wife again.
And as the weeks went by, she realized how likely that was. The more time she spent with
Carrie, the more time she wanted. Yet she didn't dare to dream they might have a life
together. Carrie had her own family, her own husband.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
"Hey, Mom."
Jill glanced up from the paper then looked at the clock with a frown. "What in the world
are you doing up already?"
"I'm going to the baseball tournament," Angie said.
"I thought you weren't leaving until nine."
"Shelly's dad is taking us instead. He wants to leave by eight."
"You need me to run you over there?"
"No, they're coming by."
"Okay." She pointed to the counter where the toaster sat. "You want some toast?"
Angie reached for a banana instead as she pulled out a chair. Jill watched her, wondering
what was going on. Angie never sat down at the breakfast table with her.
"Mom, can I ask you something?"
Jill folded the paper and nodded. "Of course."
Angie tossed the banana nervously between her hands for a second, then took a quick
breath. "Are you and Dad fighting?"
"Fighting?"
She looked away. "Are you going to get a divorce?"
"Why would you think that?"
"Grandma says you don't like Dad anymore."
"Grandma says that, huh? Well, I like your dad just fine."
"Do you still love him?"
Jill nodded. "Yes, I love him."
"Then what's wrong?"
"Angie, there's a difference between loving someone and being in love with them." Jill
leaned closer. "You live here, Angie. You can see how it is. How little time we spend
together. You can't sustain a marriage when you're never together."
"But that's your choice," Angie stated loudly. "You're the one who won't come to the
games, you're the one who wants to stay here alone."
"Angie, going to the games is not something I want to do. I don't enjoy them."
"But why?"
"I just don't. That's your dad's job. I have a job too. And when I get off work at five, I
don't want to have to go to your dad's job. Do you understand? It would be like me asking
him to come to my work, to follow me out to construction sites on payday, or to sit around
the office and watch me work."
"But that's not the same."
"Why not? Just because it's a game?" Jill shook her head. "When I get off of work, I want
to come home. I don't want to go to a second job."
Angie stared at her and nodded. "I think I understand now. When you come home, there's
nobody here."
"Exactly."
She shrugged. "So? Does that mean you're going to get a divorce?"
Jill sighed. "No. We're just working through some things now, Angie."
"Grandma says you're having an affair," Angie said quietly.
Jill smiled. "Grandma doesn't always know everything. She thinks she does but she
doesn't."
Angie stood and nodded, seemingly satisfied with their conversation. But Jill's smile faded
as soon as Angie slipped from the room. Was she having an affair? No. It felt too bright
and fresh, too joyous to be an affair.
But if it wasn't an affair, then what was it? How long could she continue to lie to her
family? How long could she continue to hide this new love she was feeling?
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
It was with a satisfied push of the button that Jill closed the gate behind her. Closed the
gate and closed out the world, if only for a day. But a whole day at that.
She parked beside Carrie's van, unable to contain the quiet laugh as she stepped out into
the sunshine, nearly giddy with the prospect of spending the day with Carrie. Angie had
been barely out the door when Jill grabbed the bag she'd packed the night before. A bag
stuffed with a change of clothes, two bottles of wine, her gardening gloves and a denim
baseball cap Craig rarely wore. For the last several weeks, Carrie had been adding flowers
to the gardens but this was the first opportunity Jill would have to play in the dirt with
her.
"When you said early, you weren't lying."
Jill turned, finding Carrie walking up from the pier, hands already muddy from the garden.
"You started without me," Jill accused.
"No, no. Planting is your chore today. I just brought the flowers down there then yanked a
few weeds."
Jill laughed. "You can always be in charge of the weeds."
Carrie pointed down the winding road. "The gate?"
Jill nodded. "Closed and locked."
"Wonderful. Then the day is ours." Carrie led the way into the cottage, pausing to brush
the dirt off her hands before going inside. "I took a chance you wouldn't want breakfast,"
she said. "But I made up some homemade chicken salad and picked up fresh sandwich rolls
at the bakery." She stopped and smiled. "Oh, and I got some of that cheese you like. Did
you remember the wine?"
Jill held up her bag. "Two bottles."
Carrie laughed. "Two? Are we going to make a day of it?"
Jill walked closer and leaned forward, lightly kissing Carrie on the lips. "We're going to