‘It did seem to make sense,’ said one officer, who asked not to be named. ‘Many of the expletives were aimed at a specifically female target. It was pretty strong stuff, and all. I had to ask my teenaged son what some of it meant!’
Mrs Madden, who has lived at Franchise Farm all her life and has four children — the youngest of whom, a six-year-old boy, is disabled — refused to comment on the incident and is reportedly very distressed. Police confirmed that they had brought in a man for questioning, but would not comment on speculations that the man was the father of Mrs Madden’s youngest son, nor give any clue as to his identity.
‘Ancient history,’ said the creature, who was by now standing directly behind me. ‘They had to let him go in the end. She didn’t want to press charges.’
‘But was it true?’ I said sadly.
‘More or less. Not that I’d want to pay that old rag the compliment of saying so. Pack of scandalmongers, if you ask me. It’s the only time I’ve ever felt sorry for Mrs Snooty-Drawers. I dare say she could be forgiven for liking a bit of the rough stuff. But if you play the game like she used to, you can expect some trouble.’
‘Used to?’
‘Oh, she’s good as gold these days. Reformed character, from what I hear. The cripple put paid to all that.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Retribution, dear. Thought she was being punished for her sins. Not that God came into it, as far as I can see. People like Pam, they like to think they’re lucky, do you follow me? Oh, they may act like they were born to it and all that, but deep down they’re frightened. They’ve got less freedom than you and me. Because if things go wrong for them, they’ve got nothing to blame it on. They just put up and shut up. They’ve got nowhere to go, see? No flexibility. So when little Pam saw it coming down, she changed her story, turned misfortune to her advantage. These days everyone thinks she’s a saint. Isn’t it marvellous the way she looks after that boy herself instead of putting him in a home. Course she never lifts a finger. That’s what you’re for. Clever.’ The creature tapped the side of its head. ‘You couldn’t accuse her husband of that, mind you. He should have made tracks. You can’t forgive a betrayal like that, not really. It eats you up inside, turns you funny in the head. She made a laughing stock of him. But he’s just the same, see? Nowhere to go, nothing without his money and his house and his privilege. So he just shuts it out like they all do, pretends nothing’s happened. It’s heart cancer, dear. A very middle-class disease.’
‘So why do you attack him?’ I cried. ‘He’s got enough problems as it is! He doesn’t do it deliberately — he thinks people are after him. That’s why he sabotages the footpaths. Mr Trimmer told me. It isn’t because he’s malicious. The whole business with Geoff only happened because he must have run over one of the trip-wires.’
‘Geoff died an honourable death.’ The creature paused and looked sombrely at the ceiling. ‘Why he does it isn’t my concern. Adolf Hitler might be after him for all I care. The point is that innocent people are in danger.’
‘But he’s obviously not well!’
‘In that case he should be put in an institution. But people like that, you see, they don’t get put away, do they? They’re above the law. Let’s see what’s under that shirt, dear. Lean on the table there. That’s it. No, he’s a danger to himself as much as anything. Should never have married that flibbertigibbet. There’s a piece of advice for you. Never marry someone you can’t be sure of hanging on to. You’ll end up thinking the whole world wants to take her away from you. Especially if she’s got the money. How does that feel?’
‘Much better,’ I said, surprised. I had barely felt the creature’s fingers on my skin, but a luxurious heat was beginning to penetrate the tender bruises.
‘You’ll find it’ll heal up nicely in no time. You watch yourself in future. You only get one body. And there’s not much of yours, at that. Are they feeding you?’
‘Yes.’
‘They’ll have your heart and soul as well if you don’t mind out. That’s the way they are. I see that young Casanova’s already circling. He didn’t waste his time getting down here to have a look at you.’
‘Toby?’
‘The very same. He’s another one. If he’d been born where he deserved to be, he’d have been locked up by now. You keep away from him, my girl.’
‘He’s not that bad.’
‘And where have you been all your life? He only got the last one pregnant, didn’t he? Got her up the spout and got her the sack. She was a silly enough little thing, but nobody deserves that kind of luck.’
‘He’s not interested in me.’
‘He’s interested in anything he can shag, if you’ll pardon my French, dear. You keep your knickers on. Off you go now. I’ve got business to attend to.’
The creature opened the door and stood beside it.
‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘And please don’t be too hard on Mr Madden. He’s nice really.’
‘You’re a soft touch, aren’t you? We’ll see. I’ve been thinking of getting out of rambling anyway, diversifying a bit. There’s interesting things going on in bloodsports at the moment. Take care of yourself.’
‘Goodbye.’
‘Toodle-pip!’
That evening over dinner, Pamela announced that she and Martin would be away the following day.
‘We’ve been summoned to visit Aunt Lilian in Oxford tomorrow, Stella, so you’ll be pretty much at liberty for most of the day.’
‘Do we have to?’ whined Martin.
‘Yes, we bloody well do. The old girl’s on her last legs, and if we’re to stand a chance of getting anything out of her then we’re going to have to sit there and smile if it kills us. Come to think of it, Toby, it wouldn’t hurt you to come along too. Can you spare him tomorrow, darling?’
‘Yes,’ said Mr Madden firmly.
‘We should be back by teatime, Stella, so if you could give me a hand with tomorrow evening then I reckon we’ll have just about settled the score.’
‘All right,’ I said.
‘Actually, I could use a bit of extra cash at the moment,’ interjected Toby. ‘Can’t we just slip something into her tea and speed things up?’
‘That’s awful!’ shrieked Pamela delightedly. ‘Aunt Lilian,’ she added, addressing me, ‘is a very perverse old lady. She’s got pots of money, which she’s always threatening to leave to some dreadful organization — what is it again?’
‘The Animal Liberation Front,’ said Martin.
‘That’s right. So we all have to go rushing up there once or twice a year to try and talk her out of it. I think she does it to get attention. She probably thinks we’d never visit her otherwise.’
‘We wouldn’t,’ said Martin.
‘I suppose it’s rather sad really,’ sighed Pamela. ‘She never married, so we’re all she’s got. She’s had quite a lonely life. She adores the children, of course, but they were always rather frightened of her.’
‘She’s a crone,’ said Martin. ‘She’s got these scaly hands and when she pinches your cheeks her nails dig into your skin.’
‘Little boy!’ cackled Toby, leaning across the table and pinching Martin’s cheeks so violently that his head flew backwards and forwards. ‘Come here, little boy!’
‘Get off!’ shouted Martin, pushing him away. His cheeks were scarlet where Toby’s fingers had been. ‘Just fuck off!’