“That was a damfool thing to do,” he said.
“I almost made it.”
He nodded.
“Of course, you would have killed yourself and not accomplished anything,” he said. “But it was well done nevertheless. Come on, let's walk.”
He took my arm, and we began to move about the periphery of the Pattern.
I watched that strange sky-sea, horizonless about us, as we went. I wondered what would have happened had I been able to begin the Pattern, what would be happening at that moment.
“You have changed,” he finally said, “or else I never really knew you.”
I shrugged.
“Something of both perhaps. I was about to say the same of you. Tell me something?”
“What?”
“How difficult was it for you, being Ganelon?”
He chuckled.
“Not hard at all,” he said. “You may have had a glimpse of the real me.”
“I liked him. Or, rather, you being him. I wonder whatever became of the real Ganelon?”
“Long dead, Corwin. I met him after you had exiled him from Avalon, long ago. He wasn't a bad chap. Wouldn't have trusted him worth a damn, but then I never trust anyone I dont have to.”
“It runs in the family.”
“I regretted having to kill him. Not that he gave me much choice. All this was very long ago, but I remembered him clearly, so he must have impressed me.”
“And Lorraine?”
“The country? A good job, I thought. I worked the proper shadow. It grew in strength by my very presence, as any will if one of us stays around for long-as with you in Avalon, and later that other place. And I saw that I had a long while there by exercising my will upon its timestream.”
“I did not know that could be done.”
“You grow in strength slowly, beginning with your initiation into the Pattern. There are many things you have yet to learn. Yes, I strengthened Lorraine, and made it especially vulnerable to the growing force of the black road. I saw that it would lie in your path, no matter where you went. After your escape, all roads led to Lorraine.”
“Why?”
“It was a trap I had set for you, and maybe a test. I wanted to be with you when you met the forces of Chaos. I also wanted to travel with you for a time.”
“A test? What were you testing me for? And why travel with me?”
“Can you not guess? I have watched all of you over the years. I never named a successor. I purposely left the matter muddled. You are all enough like me for me to know that the moment I declared for one of you I would be signing his or her death warrant. No, I intentionally left things as they were until the very end. Now, though, I have decided. It is to be you.”
“You communicated with me, as yourself, briefly, back in Lorraine. You told me then to take the throne. If you had made up your mind at that point why did you continue the masquerade?”
“But I had not decided then. That was merely a means to assure your continuing. I feared you might come to like that girl too much, and that land. When you emerged a hero from the Black Circle you might have decided to settle and stay there. I wanted to plant the notions that would cause you to continue your Journey.”
I was silent for a long while. We had moved a good distance about the Pattern.
Then, “There is something that I have to know,” I said. “Before I came here I was speaking with Dara, who is in the process of trying to clear her name with us-”
“It is clear,” he said. “I have cleared it.”
I shook my head.
“I refrained from accusing her of something I have been thinking about for some time. There is a very good reason why I felt she cannot be trusted, despite her protests and your endorsement. Two reasons, in fact.”
“I know, Corwin. But she did not kill Benedict's servants to manage her position at his house. I did it myself, to assure her getting to you as she did, at just the appropriate time.”
“You? You were party to her whole plot? Why?”
“She will make you a good queen, son. I trust the blood of Chaos for strength. It was time for a fresh infusion. You will take the throne already provided with an heir. By the time he is ready for it. Merlin will long have been weaned from his upbringing.”
We had come all the way around to the place of the black smear. I stopped. I squatted and studied it.
“You think this thing is going to kill you?” I finally asked.
“I know that it is.”
“You are not above murdering innocent people to manipulate me. Yet you would sacrifice your life for the kingdom.”
I looked at him.
“My own hands are not clean,” I said, “and I certainly do not presume to judge you. A while back, though, when I made ready to try the Pattern, I thought how my feelings had changed-toward Eric, toward the throne. You do what you do, I believe, as a duty. I, too, feel a duty now, toward Amber, toward the throne. More than that, actually. Much more, I realized, just then. But I realized something else, also, something that duty does not require of me. I do not know when or how it stopped and I changed, but I do not want the throne. Dad. I am sorry it messes up your plans, but I do not want to be king of Amber. I am sorry.”
I looked away then, backdown at the smear. I heard him sigh.
Then, “I am going to send you home now,” he said. “Saddle your horse and take provisions. Ride to a place outside Amber-any place, fairly isolated.”
“My tomb?”
He snorted and chuckled faintly.
“That will do. Go there and wait my pleasure. I have some thinking to do.”
I stood. He reached out and placed his right hand on my shoulder. The jewel was pulsing. He looked into my eyes.
“No man can have everything he wants the way that he wants it,” he said.
And there was a distancing effect, as of the power of a Trump, only working in reverse. I heard voices, then about me I saw the room I had earlier departed. Benedict, Gerard, Random and Dara were still there. I felt Dad release my shoulder. Then he was gone and I was among them once again.
“What is the story?” Random said. “We saw Dad sending you back. By the way, how did he do that?”
“I do not know,” I said. “But he confirms what Dara has told us. He gave her the signet and the message.”
“Why?” Gerard asked.
“He wanted us to learn to trust her,” I said.
Benedict rose to his feet.
“Then I will go and do as I have been bid.”
“He wants you to attack, then fall back,” Dara said. “After that, it will only be necessary to contain them.”
“For how long?”
“He said only that this will become apparent.”
Benedict gave one of his rare smiles and nodded. He managed his card case with his one hand, removed the deck, thumbed out the special Trump I had given him for the Courts.
“Good luck,” Random said.
“Yes,” Gerard agreed.
I added my wishes and watched him fade. When his rainbow afterimage had vanished I looked away and noticed that Dara was crying silently. I did not remark on it.
“I, too, have orders now-of a sort,” I said. “I had best be moving.”
“And I will get back to the sea,” said Gerard.
“No,” I heard Dara say as I was moving toward the door.
I halted.
“You are to remain here, Gerard, and see to the safety of Amber herself. No attack will come by sea.”
“But I thought Random was in charge of the local defense.”
She shook her head.
“Random is to join Julian in Arden.”
“Are you sure?” Random asked.
“I am certain.”
“Good,” he said. “It is nice to know he at least thought of me. Sorry, Gerard. That's the breaks.”
Gerard simply looked puzzled.
“I hope he knows what he is doing,” he said.