“You have guessed.”
“What a difficult position you were in!”
“I had had a long and arduous journey to Antioch. There were many who knew my purpose and were bent on stopping me. I was in disguise most of the time ... as a pedlar sometimes, at others a pilgrim. Having managed to overcome all those hazards, I was not going to miss that for which I had come—which was marriage to Constance ... and Antioch.”
“I am sure you were very resourceful.”
“I had to be. My future was at stake. Alice insisted that I marry her, and there was nothing I could do but appear to submit, so preparations for our wedding went ahead. But before the wedding day I quietly married Constance, who was then nine years old. It was not difficult, for it was what the people of Antioch wanted and they helped me in this. They had chosen me as their leader, and the only way I could become that was through marriage with their heiress.”
“And Alice?”
“It was a fait accompli. What could she do? The people were for it. They wanted a Prince and they had chosen me.”
“And how wise they were! I knew, when I was a child, that one day you would be one of the great rulers of the world. And you see I was right.”
“You see me thus at this moment, my dear one, but I am most insecure. If the Turks came here to attack me in their hundreds of thousands, I should be lost. I should be unable to stand against them. The occasional raid ... the general harassment ... that can be dealt with. The people are loyal to me. They enjoy life here. They would fight with all they have to retain it. But the Turks are a ferocious people. They fight for their religion as we do and there is no greater cause than that.”
“I am surprised to hear you talking thus, Uncle. You seem so content here.”
“I live in the present. I fancy you are like me in this. Indeed, have you ever known anyone who understands you as I do? I share your thoughts, your emotions.”
He had come close to me and was looking intently into my face.
“No,” I said vehemently, “I never have. When I am with you I feel I am right back in my own beautiful country. I have missed it so much ... ever since I left it.”
He kissed me with passion.
I was delighted and startled. I said: “That was scarcely an avuncular kiss.”
“What are such relationships,” he said, “when people know they are as close as you and I? What matters anything ... race, creed, blood ties?”
My heart was beating very fast. I said slowly: “I suppose that is so.”
He held me against him. “I have never known this feeling for any other,” he said.
I replied: “Nor have I felt for any other what I feel for you. It is because you and I were brought up in the same country. There we spent those early and important years. Aquitaine will always be home to us. You have made another Aquitaine here. How wonderful it is to be here! After all I have suffered ... you cannot understand the hardships.”
“I can, my beloved. I have suffered something like them myself. That is why I want to stay here ... make this my Heaven upon Earth. Could I have a more beautiful setting?”
I agreed vehemently that he could not.
“Out there ...” He waved his arms to indicate the world outside Antioch. “...there is strife ... everywhere, it seems. In England, where I was helped by King Henry when I was more or less a boy and starting out on my adventures, there has been trouble since his death. Stephen on the throne, Matilda claiming it. Stephen Matilda’s prisoner ... Matilda reigning. What sort of a country is that to live in?”
“Two claimants to the throne is certain to cause strife. Who is the better ruler?”
“Neither is good, and coming after Henry it is even harder for the people to bear. Matilda wants the throne for her son. It’s natural. After all, she is the granddaughter of the Conqueror and Henry’s direct heir. Stephen only comes through the female line. If he were a strong man it might have worked for I do not think the people want Matilda.”
“Well, all that is far away.”
“And our concerns are here ... in Antioch.”
“It is so wonderful to be here. Everything is so cultured ... so gracious. And to hear people speaking our language as we speak it—moves me deeply.”
“I have brought many Poitevins into Antioch.”
“The poets and the musicians ...”
“I wanted to make it as much like my father’s Court as possible.”
“What an outstanding man he was.”
“He lived his life fully, did he not? He obeyed no rules. Who else but my grandfather could have carried off Dangerosa and lived with her at his Court as he did?”
“She came very willingly.”
“One would expect that with such a man.” He turned to me. “Eleanor,” he went on, “since you have come here I have been so happy.”
“And I ... Uncle. It is still like a dream to me ... after all that suffering to come to a place like this ... and you. It was like dying and then finding oneself in Heaven.”
“Pray do not talk of dying. You have much living to do yet and why should we not create a Heaven here on Earth?”
“That is what you have already done.”
“Now that I have you here, yes. I never want you to go. I want you to stay here ... with me ... for as long as we both shall live. You are silent. Does it seem so impossible to you?”
“I fear so, though it enchants me.”
“There has always been a special bond between us.”
“I know.”
“Then we must accept what Fate has given us.”
“You mean ...”
He held me tighter.
“There should be complete intimacy, complete understanding between us. I love you.”
“But ... you are my uncle.”
“My dear, what of that? Why should an uncle not be in love with his niece? Who can decide where love shall come? I love you. I need you to make my contentment complete. I am planning now to keep you here. I live in fear that Louis is going to suggest moving on. I am going to do my utmost to prevent that ... and you will help me.”
“I never want to leave you.”
“Then you feel for me as I do for you?”
“Yes ... yes ... I do. I should be the most desolate woman on Earth if we were parted.”
“Then I am happy. I will show you a little arbor in the grounds of the palace. I will see that we are undisturbed. There we shall be alone and we shall discover how much we need each other. Will you come, Eleanor? Will you?”
I did not hesitate for a moment. “Yes,” I said eagerly. “I will come.”
And that very day Raymond and I became lovers.
He was my uncle. He was married to Constance and I to Louis. But I did not care. I was happy. At last I knew what it was to love and be loved by a man. I could see nothing wrong. It was the shameful fumblings of Louis which disgusted me. This glorious emotion, this unbounded happiness which now uplifted me, made me happy beyond guilt.
I had changed. My women noticed. They said I was more beautiful than ever. Raymond continually told me that. We were in each other’s company whenever we could be.
It was impossible to keep a relationship such as ours secret. When he was present I could not keep my eyes from him. Even he, a man of the world and, I have no doubt, hero of many romantic adventures, must betray his feelings. I was aware of the love in his eyes; the ardent desire must be evident to all.
I knew this was what I needed in my life. It was ironic that I should have found it in this oasis in the heart of the most cruel country I had ever known and with my own uncle.
Louis had become quite repulsive to me. I told myself I could never share his bed again. What a mercy that he was the man he was! I was already thinking of how I could escape from him.
“You could ask him for a divorce,” said Raymond.