In a moment the home page opened, and mysterious symbols glowed before my eyes. I leaned closer, my worries fading to the back of my mind as I began to read.
It was nearly an hour later when I finally logged off and shut down the computer. When I closed my eyes, runes still danced across the insides of my lids. I'd learned a lot tonight.
I picked up a pen and traced my new favorite rune on a scrap of paper that sat by the keyboard. Ken: It looked like a V turned on its side. It stood for fire, including inspiration and passion of spirit. It was so simple, yet so strong.
Underneath it I traced my other new favorite rune, Ur, strength.
I sighed. I needed a lot of that right now.
On Thursday afternoon I was startled when Mom came into the family room. I was watching Oprah and doing my American history homework.
"Hi, Morgan," she said, sounding tentative. Her hair was brushed and held back from her face by two combs. She wore no makeup, but she had on a sweat suit embroidered with leaves. "Where's Mary K.?"
"I dropped her at Jaycee's," I said.
"Oh, all right," Mom wandered over to the far wall and picked up a clay pot that I'd made in third grade, then set it back down on its shelf. "Hey, how come I haven't seen Bree round this week?"
I swallowed hard, replaying the scene yesterday in die cafeteria, when Bree and Raven had announced they were starting their own coven. I didn't think Bree would be spending a whole lot of time with me anymore.
But I didn't have the strength to get into it with Mom right now. So I just said, "I guess she's been pretty busy."
"Mmmm." To my surprise, Mom let it go at that. She prowled around the room some more, picking things up and putting them down. Then she said abruptly, "Mary K. says you have a boyfriend."
"Huh? Oh, yeah," I said in surprise, realizing she wasn't up on the whole Cal thing. Of course. How could she have been? Cal and my discovery about my birth happened at almost the same time.
"His name is Cal Blaire," I explained, feeling awkward. First of all, we'd never talked about boys before. There had never been anything to discuss. Second, why was I obligated to tell her anything? She obviously had no problem keeping secrets from me.
But still, I'd had sixteen years of thinking of her as my mom. That habit was hard to break. "He and his mom moved here in September," I added.
Mom leaned against the doorjamb. "What does he think of witchcraft?"
I blinked and flicked off the TV. "Um, he likes it," I said stiffly.
Mom nodded.
"Why didn't you ever tell me that I was adopted?" I said, the words rushing out now that I had my chance.
I saw her swallow as she searched for an answer. "There were some very good reasons at the time," she said finally. The silence of the house seemed to underscore her words.
"Everyone says you're supposed to be open about it," I said. Already I could feel my throat getting tight, and suddenly my nerves felt like thorns.
"I know," Mom said quietly. "I know you want—need—some answers."
"I deserve some answers!" I said, raising my voice. "You and Dad lied to me for sixteen years! You lied to Mary K! And everyone else knew the truth!"
She shook her head, an odd look on her face. "No one knows the whole truth," she said. "Not even your father and me."
"What does that mean?" I crossed my arms over my chest I tried to hold on to my anger so I wouldn't cry.
"Your dad and I have been talking," she said. "We know you want to know. And we're going to tell you. Soon."
"When?" I snapped
Mom gave an odd smile, as if at a private joke. She was being so calm and yet looked so fragile that it was hard for me to stay angry. There was nothing here to fight against, and that pissed me off even more.
"It's been sixteen years," she said gently. "Give us a few more days. I need time to think."
I stared at her in disbelief, but with that same odd smile she brushed her hand lightly against my cheek, then left the room.
For some reason, the memory of my sneaking into my parents' bed at night, when I was little, came into my mind. I used to worm my way in between them and go right to sleep. Nothing had ever felt so secure or so safe. Now it seemed strange. My childhood memories were being revised every day.
The phone rang, and I seized it like a lifeline. I knew it was Cal.
"Hi," said Cal, before I could speak, and a warm sense of comfort passed over me. "I miss you. Can I come over?"
I went from utter despair to pure joy in one second. "Actually, could I come over there?" I asked.
"You don't mind?"
"Oh, God, no. I'll be right there, okay?"
"Great," he said.
I flew from the house, rushing toward happiness.
Cal met me at the front door of his house. It was already almost dark, and the air felt heavy and damp, as if it might snow early this year.
"I can only stay a little while," I said, my breath puffing slightly.
"Thanks for coming," he said, leading me inside. "I could have come to your house."
I shook my head, taking off my coat. "You have more privacy here," I said. "Is your mom home?"
"No," said Cal as we started up the stairs to his room. "She's at the hospital with someone from her coven. I have to go over later and help her." It occurred to me that the two of us were alone in his house. A little shiver of anticipation went through me.
"I forgot to ask Robbie today," Cal said, opening the attic door to his room. "Is he getting new glasses?"
"I don't know. They're going to do more tests." I rubbed my arms as we walked into Cal's room, even though it was toasty warm. I felt comfortable here, with Cal. The rest of my life might be in turmoil, but here I knew I had power. And I knew Cal understood. It gave me a wonderful feeling of relief.
Looking around Cal's room, I remembered the night we had done a circle here and I had seen everyone's auras. It had been so seductive, being touched by magick. How could anyone not want to pursue it?
Behind me Cal touched my arm, and I turned to him. He smiled at me. "I like having you here," he said. "And I'm glad you came. I wanted to give you something."
I looked up at him questioningly.
"Here." Reaching up, he untied the knot in the leather string around his neck. Its silver pentacle dangled, catching the lamplight and shining. This necklace had been one of the first things I'd noticed about him, and I remembered thinking how much I'd liked it. I stepped closer, and Cal fastened it around my neck. It fell to a point above my breastbone, and he traced around it on my shirt.
"Thank you," I whispered. "It's beautiful." Reaching up my land, I curled it around his neck and pulled him to me. He met my kiss halfway.
"How are things at home?" Cal asked a moment later, still holding me.
I felt like I could tell him anything. "Strange," I said. I pulled myself out of his arms and walked around his room. "I've hardly seen my parents. Today Mom was home, and I asked her about being adopted, and she said she needed more time." I shook my head, looking at Cal's tall bookcase, its rows of books on witchcraft, spell making, herbs, runes…. I wanted to sit down and start reading and not get up for a long time.
"Every time I think about how they lied to me, feel furious," I told Cal, my hands clenching into fists. I let out a breath. "But today my mom looked—I don't know. Older. Fragile, somehow."
I stopped next to Cal's bed. He walked over to me and rubbed my back. I took his hand and brought it to my cheek.
"Part of me feels like they're not my real family," I said, "And another part of me thinks, of course they're my real ramify. They feel like my real family."