‘You were the one so concerned about losing lives.’
‘I was worried about them being lost
recklessly
.’
‘Didn’t you feel bad when you lost members of your team, back in Merakasa?’
Serrah looked pained at that.
‘Sorry, of course you did.’ He added, ‘I didn’t mean it to be a dig about what happened to you, either.’
‘All right.’
‘But it’s a question of responsibility and -’
‘Yes, I know. Naturally I felt responsible if any of my band got killed or hurt. That even goes for the fool who landed me in this mess, although I’ve no reason to blame myself. But I have to say that for a man so used to combat you seem pretty troubled about this.’
‘You don’t understand. It’s to do with… I suppose you’d call it control.’
‘You’re right, I don’t understand.’
‘When the Qaloch were being cleared from their land, when we were being massacred, I was helpless. Not just for myself; I couldn’t help anybody else. People I was honour-bound to stand by and protect were slaughtered in front of me. I had no control.’
‘How could you? I don’t know the details of what happened to your people, but I do know the odds against you were crushing. And you were taken unawares, stabbed in the back.’
‘You sound like somebody who knows about betrayal.’
‘I wouldn’t be here without it, trying to adjust to everything that’s changed in my life.’
‘Exactly. Betrayal’s a form of powerlessness too.’
‘In the sense that I had no control over what happened, yes. But in the end it might be liberating, for all the pain involved. It made me see the world in a different way. Made me realise the true nature of the system I was serving.’
It seemed to Reeth that she was trying to make the best of it. He kept the thought to himself. ‘I’ve never been blind to the order of things,’ he said. ‘Or been part of it.’
‘Then you should be perfect for the Resistance.’
‘So everybody tells me.’
‘At least freedom’s more than just a word to them, Reeth.’
‘In the end they’re only another kind of system.’
‘But a much better one than anything we’ve got. Potentially, anyway.’
‘So you’re a prime candidate for the Resistance too?’
‘As long as it suits me.’
‘That’s more or less the way I see it. Not that I’m finding it easy, and today didn’t make it any easier.’
‘Ironic, isn’t it?’ A mellow smile played on Serrah’s lips. ‘I’m having to learn to accept a different kind of authority, and you’re having to learn to accept
any
kind of authority. I wonder if either of us are cut out for it?’
He left the question hanging and asked one of his own. ‘What do you think about this grand scheme of Karr’s?’
‘An island state? I don’t suppose I know any more about it than you do. You could call it visionary, I guess. Utopian, even. But it does have a certain attraction.’
‘You’d go there, be part of it?’
‘You’re assuming I’d be invited. If I was… well, I really don’t know. I’d need to be told a lot more about it. Would you go?’
‘I’m not convinced Karr’s dream will ever happen.’
‘Yet here we are helping the cause.’
‘Or helping ourselves.’
‘It sounds less than charitable when you put it that way.’
‘Perhaps.’
Tethered nearby, their horses had their heads down, grazing the long grass.
‘Whatever the reason we’re here,’ Reeth said, ‘the band’s got to shape up.’
‘We can always be better, I suppose.’
‘They’re relying on me. I don’t want any more…’
She was staring hard at him. ‘Guilt?’
‘Is that so strange a thought?’
‘No… no, it’s not.’ Her expression was distant and grave, and didn’t seem to welcome inquiry.
He steered clear. ‘You’re right, we can be better. I want to keep down the chance of losses.’
‘At least we’ve got a good crew.’ She’d broken out of her reverie. ‘They’re keen, fit, quick to learn -’
‘They’ll have to be. When Karr hinted that today’s robbery was a dry run for other missions, you can bet he started us on something basic. Whatever’s coming is going to be a lot harder. We’ve got to be ready for that.’
‘Don’t worry,’ she told him, ‘you’ll have your control.’
The stars couldn’t be seen from the centre of the city. There was too much competition from the glare of magic.
On the balcony of an unpretentious mansion in a moderately affluent quarter, another couple sat and took in the view. She revelled in the soft, warm night air. He poured honeyed wine from a carafe. They touched their cups together in a silent toast.
Valdarr glittered and throbbed, a pageant of illusion that could have been for their sole benefit. Every so often a gush of sparks flared briefly in the streets below, marking a glamour nativity. Or an ebbing spectre drifted by, its magical charge used up. The rhythm of supernatural creation, mutation and destruction was incessant.
Yet for Tanalvah Lahn this place was a haven.
‘I didn’t realise,’ she said, ‘that I’d never really felt safe before.’
‘It’s good to hear you say that,’ Kinsel replied. ‘Oh. I don’t mean good that you -’
‘I
know
what you mean.’ Smiling, she lightly caressed his cheek. ‘We’re protected, thanks to you. Our saviour and our champion.’
He kissed her palm. ‘I think you’re giving me too much credit.’
‘No. You’re a virtuous man, Kinsel. You could have walked by. Instead you gave hope to me, and to those poor children. You don’t know what that means to me. The only men I’ve known before were…’
‘Yes.’ He nodded his understanding, saving her the torment of recounting bad memories. ‘But that’s over now. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, not anymore.’
‘I find it a wonder that my life from before doesn’t seem to worry you. You really don’t think the less of me for it?’
‘Of course not, Tan. You had no choice. I look at it as being like the countries the empires occupy.’
That puzzled her. ‘How?’
‘Because the conquerors can take land and chattels, but they can never possess people who long to be free.’
‘In the bordellos of Jecellam, the other women used to say that the clients can have your body but not your mind, your soul. Not the real you.’
‘That’s my point; and that’s how it is with the Resistance, too. The most important thing we have is the
idea
. Our enemies can’t own that, or destroy it. It’s our greatest weapon, whether we have Founder magic, warlord allies or anything else.’
Grinning, she said, ‘You look terribly serious.’
‘Do I?’ He was a little abashed. ‘Well, I
am
. I’ve always believed in the Resistance ideal. It’s a passion with me.’ His expression grew earnest for a moment. ‘One I hope you’ll come to share.’
‘I think I’m beginning to. But what chance is there of Karr realising his plan? Can there really be somewhere for us that’s truly free?’
‘I just told you, there already is.’ He tapped his forehead. ‘Up here.’
‘You know what I’m saying.’ Her tone was mock stern, a smile breaking through.
Kinsel returned it. ‘Yes, I think the plan can happen. We have to
make
it happen, though it’s going to be hideously difficult and cost dear in lives. What choice do we have?’
‘You had a choice. You could have stayed in your privileged world and never risked yourself.’
‘I didn’t start out there, Tan; I was born low. My gift raised me. But not before I’d learnt how things are. In fact, my earliest memory was seeing…’ He stopped himself. ‘Well, they say the first bite’s taken with the eye, don’t they?’
‘Must we have secrets?’ she asked.
‘No, there should never be any between us. These are wounds, not secrets, and I’m not ready to pick at them just yet.’
She squeezed his hand. ‘I’ll be here when you are.’
He nodded his gratitude, then took up the thread. ‘Even if I had been born with a silver teething ring in my mouth, I like to think I’d still have chosen the same side. But who can say? Perhaps being raised in affluence would have smothered my conscience. As it was I wavered for years before throwing my lot in with the Resistance.’