Life went on like a giant jar of horchata. In Tlatelolco on October 2nd the merchants and the army faced off. The events created a deep black hole in the history of Mexico. A myth grew about thousands dead and disappeared. The officials claimed the merchants had begun the shooting. It was whispered that a special group of peddlers, the Olympic Battalion, had infiltrated the soldiers and begun firing. That was when those up front let themselves go.
The army was now prepared to confront the merchants, whose weapons were like water pistols in comparison to those of their opponents. After the massacre, nonstop butchering was visited on the survivors. The merchants tried to run and hide in the apartments around Tlatelolco and its surroundings; they looked everywhere for hiding places, even under the last metro ticket, but it was useless. Hundreds were captured. Some were tortured, and others disappeared. It was all fucked up.
That was the hell preceding the 1968 Olympic Games. The wound has remained open in this country’s memory to this day. In the following decades, the massacre would inspire innumerable songs, novels, movements, and films. Monuments, statues, and monoliths were erected, plazas and streets named in honor of the fallen.
C) Morning Glory
The grievances against the government took a toll on its authority. Once the smoke of the massacre cleared, the party in power, with help from the FBI, proposed to capture the movement leadership and released a list with the names and photographs of those implicated. The Country Bible was among them. The star of the moment wore a flower costume in the photograph. It looked like a joke. We didn’t know if they were looking for a possible political prisoner or Peter Gabriel during his Genesis days. But the government found it impossible to find a photo in which she wasn’t dressed as some character. In the photo from her primary school graduation, she wore a Menace Jr. wrestling mask. In the one from high school, she was dressed as the old man from The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway.
The people were offended: How is it possible that the president would send soldiers, unprepared, without arms, to combat those bastards sent by the Tepito Merchants?
Every time something politically inconvenient comes up, the government creates a distraction. A few months before the Olympic Games, so that the people would forget the Jalisco-style massacre, Díaz Ordaz ordered Channel Eleven to create a reality show. Even though it was illegal, piracy had become fashionable, so it therefore became the theme of the show. The format was designed to reward the contestant who managed to copy the most records in a certain period of time. They settled on this because they’d run out of other ideas. There were already reality shows about people wrestling cows, about hip-hop stars, about wrestlers, about beauties and nerds, even one about aspiring comics.
With this move, Díaz Ordaz told his government secretary, Luis Echeverría, we’ll capture those involved in the pirating sector. Oh, yes, sir, said the secretary, but what about the smugglers, those who sell stolen auto parts, the ranch hands? Don’t get ahead of yourself, my dear right-hand man, everyone will get what they deserve. You just watch me play politics. These ones must fall first because they’re the biggest pinkos. In any case, the high command assures me that The Country Bible, a dangerous terrorist who leads the movement, will sign up for the contest.
The government wasn’t too far off base. To keep her head down for a while, The Country Bible tried out for the cast of The Pirate Academy and was accepted. Her popularity as a PC pirate member would give her away during the contest. She’d be arrested before the finale.
The Country Bible knew they were looking for her and, as a counterintelligence measure to avoid being recognized, she showed up dressed as a wrestler. Menace Jr., no less.
She wore a mask with the following features:
STATUS: She has not lost the mask.
MATERIAL: Dublin.
DESIGN: One of the most minimalist masks in wrestling, it has a seriousness that elevates it practically to elegance. All black, this mask’s only aesthetic element is the silver border around the eyes, nose, and mouth. An engraved white cross adorns the forehead.
OBSERVATIONS: Part of a great wrestling dynasty.
MANUFACTURER: Jesús Andrade.
So as not to drag out the programming, the results were posted every day at eight o’clock on Channel Eleven on the El Recreo Show. The Country Bible made the finals thanks to the calls from the public, who saved her three times when she was nominated for expulsion.
The finale was broadcast from the Auditorio Nacional. The host, Raquel Bigorra, stirred up the audience, encouraging them to call call call right now and vote for their favorite. Menace Jr. was second out of the four candidates. The difference between the two top slots was small. The testosterone emitting from The Country Bible’s rival kept all the quinceañeras dialing. But Menace Jr. wanted the top prize. Fifty thousand pesos and a trip to Puerto Vallarta, all expenses paid. The package included three days and two nights in a suite for two at the Playa Hotel, but let’s get back to you, Raquel, to see how the voting is going:
Right now, there are 12,543 calls for Menace Jr. and 12,856 for Erasmo. A reminder that there are only twenty minutes left to vote, then we’ll stop the count. Our next participant is a native of San Pedro Rico. This is Menace Jr.’s last chance to convince the judges. Proceed.
To surprise the judges, The Country Bible ascended the stage wearing an outfit over her wrestling costume. She was disguised as Demis Roussos over her Country Bible Junior costume. While she burned CDs as fast as her prosthetic belly and beard would allow, the hits played in the background: Goodbye, my love, goodbye. The phones wouldn’t stop, and Menace Jr. came in first place. She’d won the third round.
A week later, the Mexican Federation of Reality Shows, presided over by Decio de María, voided the prize, fined Channel Eleven, and banned them from producing reality shows for an entire year. The argument was that Menace Jr., who’d never removed the mask, had turned out positive on the doping tests, with her blood rich in Nandrolone; steroids had helped her win. They took the award away and canceled the trip. Something similar had happened at the Reality World Championships in Italy, but Mexico hadn’t participated because of some cachirules.
Thirty years later, The Country Bible is still the glory of the neighborhood. She’s never been caught. She still does interviews, and there’s a new biopic about her that will premiere in the next few months. Around the same time, Echeverría will be coming up for trial. The files on the Tlatelolco massacre were reopened. It was finally revealed that it was he who gave the order to have the soldiers confront those merchant cabrones.
* a.k.a. The Western Bible.
Like ’Em Fat
Very very fat
Fat fat
Superfat
Fat fat and tight
A fat girl. A fat girl. I needed a fat girl. Not to make tamales, nor to make her cry. I needed a fat girl to make love to her.
I’d heard thousands of stories at the bar. Legends, fantastic tales. I was particularly fascinated by the myths about men who slept with fat girls: Fat girls were said to rekindle their faith in love. The overweight woman was attributed prowess and sexual expertise that are not to be found in the rest of her gender. Because fatness presumes an aesthetic disadvantage, these fatties develop skills to compensate for what they lack and for their excessive roundness.