Ullsaard couldn't stop the short laugh that erupted from his lips.
"I would not meet you there, even if you called my mother a whore," the general said. "You're right; you are too old and too fat to fight, either as a general or a warrior. I'd take no pleasure and no honour from gutting you on the bloodfield, so why would I bother?"
Noran was horrified and grabbed Ullsaard's arm, fearing perhaps that he would strike the governor. Instead, Ullsaard took a step back, picked up a bowl and raised it to Nemtun. "Okharan spiced fish head, Governor?"
Nemtun's eyes flickered between the beady eyes of the dead fish and Ullsaard's hard stare. A smile crept across his thin lips, creating deep dimples. The governor plucked a fish head from the bowl and met Ullsaard's gaze.
"Go fuck your mother, Ullsaard," Nemtun said amiably. "You're not of the Blood; you're not even Askhan. Aalun's already promoted you beyond your ability. I've no idea what he sees in you. Hurry up; scurry off to Askh to wipe his arse for him. While Kalmud is incapacitated, you'll need to keep on Aalun's good side. Your shortcomings will become obvious soon enough. I'd start being very nice to the few friends you actually have; you never know when you might need them."
The governor slumped back into the couch and continued, tossing the fish head at Ullsaard's feet.
"If you do get the Greenwater campaign, don't think of stopping off here on your way back from Askh, because there'll be no welcome for you. You know, sometimes stores get spoiled, or ships spring leaks."
"Perhaps we should be getting away," said Noran, stepping between the two of them. "Early start and all of that."
"We'll leave the governor to his party," agreed Ullsaard, pulling his arm from Noran's tightening grip. "I'm sure he needs to save his strength for that."
The general turned sharply through the curtain, as Nemtun snarled a last retort.
"Enairian cockeater!"
Ullsaard's face was a mask of polite respect as he emerged into the main chamber. He cast around the room for Lerissa but the governor's wife was not to be seen. The old goats that had been crowding her were still present, with the glum looks of men who were sure they had missed a certain chance.
"I think that settles business for the evening," he said to Noran, who had become quite pale and agitated. After another quick look for Lerissa, Ullsaard headed for the door. "There's nothing else to keep us here."
IV
Noran silently fumed during the ride back to the villa and Ullsaard said nothing. The herald kept his tongue while the ailurs were taken away and he led Ullsaard to one of the reception chambers. Servants in plain white tunics entered quickly, bringing wine and water. Ullsaard slouched on a rug and pulled one of the ewers next to him, pulling out the stopper with his teeth. Noran snatched the jug away, spilling red liquid onto the ochre tiled floor.
"You stinking heap of abada shit!" Noran snarled. Ullsaard smiled without shame. Noran wanted to punch or kick the idiot, but thought better of it and contented himself with hurling the jug against the wall. "You selfish, childish, moronic, cock-gnawing…" He floundered around for the right words before giving up. "Arsehole!"
Ullsaard's smile faded and Noran thought for a moment that he had gone too far.
"Nemtun only got what he deserved; the fat, useless toad," grumbled Ullsaard.
"That's not the point!" shrieked Noran. He turned as a servant entered and started picking up pieces of the shattered jug. "Get out! Get out!" The servant quickly retreated.
Noran began pacing again, stopping only to fill a cup to the brim with wine, downing half the contents in two long gulps.
"I really didn't need Nemtun as an enemy, you fucking idiot," Noran rasped before finishing off the cup of wine. The sharp liquid took the edge off his anger a little. "Why did you do it? Why in all the world did you pick a fight with him?"
"If he's got a problem with anybody, it'll be me," Ullsaard said placidly. "You've got nothing to worry about."
"Oh, I do, I really do. I was in the room with you, for Askhos's sake. I thought I'd got away with being here against Aalun's wishes, but you've made sure he'll find out. Nemtun will be sending a message to Askh right now; telling the king and his sons about how you've insulted one of the Blood, one of the king's appointed governors. They really don't like that sort of thing."
"Psh! Lutaar despises his brother for his behaviour of these last years, and surely if Aalun held him in any regard he wouldn't have told you to avoid him. Believe me; Nemtun has fewer friends in court than I do."
"It's not about Nemtun, it's about the dignity of the Blood." Noran slammed the cup down on the low table and glared at Ullsaard. "They can't let people go around insulting members of the Blood and getting away with it. They'll have to punish you to maintain respect."
"What can they do?" Ullsaard said with a shrug. "I'm already campaigning in the arse end of nowhere; it isn't like they can send me anywhere worse. And if they want me to take my chances on the bloodfield, I'm more than happy."
"It's a matter of the Blood, and that means the Brotherhood will get involved," Noran said. He shook his head in exasperation. "They don't send you on shitty garrison duties or make you prove your mettle on the bloodfield. They've got much nastier ways of punishing folks. They could name you as an enemy of the empire, take your family away, cut off your balls and then have you strangled."
"I think you're overreacting…"
"Yes? Tell me that again when you're a ball-less, family-less man being strangled to death."
Ullsaard laughed so hard that Noran couldn't stop himself from smiling.
"What? What's so funny?" said the herald.
"You are. All of your concern isn't for me, it's for you. You've got far more to lose than I have. It's you without bollocks that worries you."
"That's not true! We've been good friends for most of our lives, I wouldn't want to see you ruined because of a stupid outburst."
"It's done now, so we'll just have to see what happens," said Ullsaard, gesturing to the stoppered jugs of wine. Noran sullenly tossed one over to him. "You could apologise," suggested the herald.
"Not a chance!" Ullsaard pulled free the stopper and drank directly from the jug, a trickle of wine staining his tunic. "If Nemtun senses weakness, he'll go in for the kill. At the moment, he's wondering whether I'm going to call him out. He's probably just as distressed as you about the matter. He knows I'm on good terms with Aalun and Cosuas, and is probably worried about what I might say about him."
Noran crossed the room and took the jug from Ullsaard, swigging a mouthful of wine as he sat down next to his friend.
"You know, if I'm going to get fucked on this, I'm not going to let you forget it."
Ullsaard retrieved the wine and slurped a mouthful.
"It'll be a sad day for Greater Askhor if two fine upstanding citizens like us get fucked for speaking our minds."
Noran shook his head at Ullsaard's naivete but said nothing. They shared the wine for some time, leaving three empty jugs on the floor, and Noran began to feel sleepy. He was about to excuse himself and send for a servant to take Ullsaard to his chambers when the general turned a bleary but accusing gaze on Noran.
"You brought up Kalmud first!" Ullsaard exclaimed.
"What do you mean?"
"With Nemtun. You didn't want him finding out about Kalmud's illness, but you were the first one to mention it. Why'd you do that?"
Noran smiled smugly and winked.
"I figured that Nemtun just had to know something already. Kalmud came through Geria and, by fair or foul means, Nemtun would have found out. Or found out something, even if it wasn't the whole truth. You know, I'm sure someone would have lied to him about it, put him off track. By being open about it, I pretended there was no secret about Kalmud, so there was no reason for Nemtun to suspect anything he had already heard. That way, I could work out what lie, if any, he'd already been told. Simple."