‘Merci, merci,’ Osir said at last. ‘Bonjour, et bienvenue! Malheureusement, mon français est terrible,’ his deliberately stilted pronunciation raised a laugh from the crowd, ‘so I will have to speak through an interpreter!’ He nodded to a man on the stage, who stepped forward and repeated his words in French, to more laughter.
He gestured, and the audience sat. The others on the stage, with the exception of the interpreter, did the same. ‘Thank you all for coming,’ said Osir. ‘May the light of the sun-god Ra bless you all!’
‘May the spirit of Osiris protect and strengthen you!’ the crowd replied, some in English, others in French.
‘It is truly a great pleasure to see so many people here today. Our church gains strength with each new follower - and the world will be made a better place by the wisdom of Osiris!’
The audience kept cheering as he continued his oratory. Nina had to admit that while she thought his ‘church’ was utter nonsense, Osir himself was a magnetic performer - had he chosen to remain an actor, she didn’t doubt that he could easily have made a big name for himself in Hollywood.
On the other hand, she thought, by having the Osirian Temple officially recognised as a religion, he had achieved something that even Hollywood’s A-list could not - tax exemption. Maybe there was method to his madness after all.
‘We praise you, O Osiris!’ cried Osir, raising his hands. The congregation startled Nina by unexpectedly also chanting ‘Osiris!’ ‘Osiris, the lord of eternity, the judge of all souls, the great one who awaits us in the land of the dead beyond Abydos! O Osiris!’
‘Osiris!’ the crowd chanted again. This time, Nina and Eddie got the idea and half-heartedly joined in.
‘The gods of the sky sing your praises, and the gods of the Underworld bow down before you. You are the provider of the divine bread that will grant immortality to all your followers in this life and the next. You are the protector against the evil of Set, the destroyer. O Osiris!’
‘Osiris!’
‘Greatest of all men and all gods, show us the path to life everlasting! Guide us safely through the perils of the Underworld to your judgement! We praise you, O Osiris!’
The crowd chanted the god’s name, each repetition growing in volume and passion. On the stage, Osir’s eyes were closed; whether or not he really believed in what he was saying Nina couldn’t tell, but he had the look of a theatre actor receiving the greatest ovation of his life.
The same couldn’t be said of his brother, though. Shaban’s face was cold, tight, clenched with suppressed anger. Eddie had noticed too. ‘What’s his problem?’
‘Dunno,’ Nina replied, ‘but there’s definitely a problem with that prayer.’
‘How come?’
‘It’s like a simplified - really simplified - version of a real Egyptian prayer, dumbed down. And the mythology’s wrong, too. Set wasn’t a nice guy, but he wasn’t the ancient Egyptian equivalent of Satan either.’
Osir lowered his hands. The tumult died down. ‘Who’s Set?’ Eddie asked.
‘Osiris’s brother - and murderer. He was jealous of him, and wanted to take his kingdom. But he was also the champion of Ra, the sun-god, just as important a part of the Egyptian pantheon as Osiris - and in some parts of the country he was actually worshipped over Osiris.’ The middle-aged woman to Eddie’s other side irritably shushed her.
Osir spoke again, no longer with the voice of a preacher, but more like a salesman. ‘My friends, following the guidance of Osiris will bring you life everlasting. And I am here today to tell you that as the voice of the spirit of Osiris, I have channelled his wisdom once more. His words are my words, and now they shall be your words too. The twelfth volume of the Book of Osiris is now finished, and all his followers must now take it to their homes, and to their hearts.’
‘Is this a sermon or an informercial?’ Nina asked quietly as Osir continued what was rapidly turning into a sales pitch. But the audience was lapping it up, all but holding out their credit cards. She wasn’t sure what she found more appalling - Osir’s almost transparent hucksterism, or that everyone seemed to be falling for it.
‘All the books, and more, will be available to you before you leave the temple today,’ said Osir. He smiled. ‘And now, it is time for something I know you have been waiting for - the chance to ask me personally any questions you have about the teachings of Osiris!’ A good proportion of the congregation responded by thrusting their hands into the air. Osir laughed. ‘I wish I had the time to answer each and every one of you,’ he said. ‘But unfortunately, I soon have to return to the Osirian Temple’s headquarters to take care of matters there, then after that I will be travelling on to Monaco to spread the word at the grand prix - and I hope you will all be cheering Team Osiris to a win!’
Those cultists who were apparently also motor racing fans cheered. Shaban looked irritated, but he remained silent as Osir waved them down. ‘Thank you, thank you. So now, I will send Gerard among you,’ he nodded to the translator, ‘for your questions.’
Gerard moved down the central aisle, scanning the field of waving hands before extending a microphone to a young and pretty dark-haired woman. She seemed almost overcome, stuttering out a question in French. The translator delivered it to Osir: ‘The thought of the journey through the Underworld frightens me. What happens if I fall to the guardians before I reach Osiris?’
Osir gave her a reassuring smile. ‘There is nothing to fear in the Underworld for those who truly follow the words of Osiris. The guardians can only harm the unprepared or the unworthy.’ The smile widened, his dark eyes gleaming. ‘If you come to Switzerland for my personal teachings, I will show you everything you need to reach Osiris, and more besides.’
‘Did he just try to chat her up?’ Eddie whispered as the young woman gave her heartfelt thanks.
‘I think he did,’ said Nina. ‘ “Personal teachings”, my ass.’
‘Shhhh!’ the woman next to Eddie hissed.
The translator picked the next questioner, another young, attractive woman, though this time a blonde. The next was also a blonde, followed by a brunette. ‘I think I’m seeing a pattern,’ Nina said.
Eddie shook his head in a mixture of disbelief and admiration. ‘Jesus. He’s figured out the ultimate bloke fantasy - how to get rich and have hot women worship you like a god.’ His grin froze as Nina raised her hand. ‘What’re you doing?’
‘I’ve got a question.’ Osir’s mangling of Egyptian mythology for personal gain had made her increasingly annoyed on a professional level - but she was also curious about how seriously his followers took their religion. Was it just some transitory New Age nonsense to fill a void in their lives for a time before they moved on to the next new thing . . . or did they genuinely, deeply believe it?
The translator had almost reached the back of the room, still focused on finding one particular kind of questioner - and Nina fit the bill. He held out the microphone to her.
‘We’re supposed to be inconspic—oh, for Christ’s sake,’ Eddie muttered, hiding his face beneath his baseball cap.
‘I, ah, I have a question?’ Nina said, raising the pitch of her voice to bimbo level. She regarded Osir on the stage - but also watched Shaban and Diamondback for any signs of recognition. ‘I was wondering how we can have eternal life in both this world and the next, when to get into the next life we kinda have to die in this one?’ Faces turned to her, the crowd’s disdain almost physical.
From Osir’s condescending smile and the ease with which he replied, it was a question to which he had long since devised a stock answer. ‘Both lives are the same life,’ he said. ‘As one ends, another begins, as long as Osiris has judged you worthy of life everlasting. The next life follows on from this one without interruption.’ His salesman voice returned. ‘These things are taught in the first volume of the Book of Osiris. If you have not yet read it, then copies are available outside.’ There was a ripple of mocking laughter - aimed not at the cult leader, but at Nina. The church clearly had little patience for those who weren’t up to speed on its scripture.