“Tomorrow,” I murmured to myself, “I’m going to show them all!”
13
I thought about my plan all the next morning. I was frightened-but I knew I had to go through with it.
Our group had Free Swim that afternoon. Of course, everyone had a buddy but me.
I dug my bare feet into the muddy shore and watched everyone pair up and head into the water. Puffy white clouds floated overhead, reflected in the nearly still water.
Tiny gnats jumped over the surface of the water. I stared at them, wondering why they didn’t get wet.
“Sarah, it’s swim time,” Liz called. She hurried over to me. She wore a pink one-piece bathing suit under crisp white tennis shorts.
I adjusted my swimsuit top. My hands were trembling.
I really was scared by what I planned to do.
“Why aren’t you swimming?” Liz demanded. She brushed a fly off my shoulder.
“I–I don’t have a buddy,” I stammered.
She glanced around, trying to find someone for me. But everyone was in the lake.
“Well…” Liz twisted her mouth fretfully. “Go ahead and swim by yourself. Stay close to the shore. And I’ll keep an eye on you.”
“Great. Thanks,” I said. I smiled at her, then trotted enthusiastically to the edge of the water.
I didn’t want her to guess that it wasn’t going to be a normal swim for me. That I had something really terrible in mind….
I stepped into the water.
Oooh. So cold.
A cloud rolled over the sun. The sky darkened, and the air grew colder.
My feet sank into the muddy bottom of the lake. Up ahead, I saw the gnats-hundreds of them-hopping on the water.
Yuck, I thought. Why do I have to swim with mud and gnats?
I took a deep breath and stepped out farther. When the cold water was nearly up to my waist, I lowered my body in and started to swim.
I swam a few long laps. I needed to get used to the water. And I needed to get my breathing steady.
A short distance away, Briana and some other girls were having some kind of relay race. They were laughing and cheering. Having a great time.
They won’t be laughing in a few minutes. I told myself bitterly.
A tall spray of water rushed over me. I cried out.
Another wave smacked my face.
It took me a few seconds to realize that I was being splashed-by Aaron.
He rose up in front of me-and spit a stream of water into my face.
“Yuck! How can you put this water in your mouth?” I cried, totally grossed out.
He laughed and splashed away to join his buddy.
He won’t be laughing in a few minutes, either, I told myself. He’ll treat me differently after today.
Everyone will.
I suddenly felt guilty. I should have told Aaron what I planned to do. I didn’t really want to scare him. I wanted to scare everyone else.
But I knew if I told my plan to practical, sensible Aaron, he would talk me out of it. Or go tell Liz so that she would stop me.
Well… no one is going to stop me, I vowed.
Have you guessed my desperate plan?
It was really quite simple.
I planned to drown myself.
Well… not really.
I planned to dive down to the lake bottom. Stay under. A long, long time.
And make everyone think that I had drowned.
I can hold my breath for a very long time. It’s because I play the flute. I’ve really developed my lung power.
I can probably stay underwater for two or three minutes.
Long enough to scare everyone to death.
Everyone will panic. Even Briana, Meg, and Jan.
Everyone will feel sorry for how mean they were to me.
I’ll get a new start. After my close call in the lake, everyone in camp will want to be nice to me.
Everyone will want to be my buddy.
So… here goes.
I took one last look at all the laughing, shouting swimmers.
Then I sucked in the biggest breath I had ever taken.
And plunged down, down to the bottom of the lake.
14
The lake was shallow for only a few feet. Then the lake bottom gave way in a steep drop.
I kicked hard, pushing myself away from the other swimmers. Then I pulled myself upright, lowering my feet.
Yes.
I dropped my hands to my sides and let myself sink.
Down, down.
I opened my eyes as I dropped to the lake bottom. I saw only green. Waves of pale light shimmered through the green.
I’m floating inside an emerald, I thought. Floating down, down in a sparkling green jewel.
I pictured the tiny emerald on the ring Mom wore every day. Her engagement ring. I thought about Mom and Dad, thought how sad they’d be if I really did drown.
We never should have sent Sarah to that water sports camp, they would say.
My feet hit the soft lake floor.
A bubble of air escaped my mouth. I pressed my lips tighter, holding the air inside.
I slowly floated up toward the surface.
I closed my eyes. I kept my whole body still to make it look as if I’d drowned.
I pictured the horror on Liz’s face when she saw my body floating so still, floating under the water, my hair bobbing on the surface.
I almost laughed when I thought of Liz leaping into the lake to rescue me, having to get her crisp white tennis shorts wet, I forced myself to remain still.
I shut my eyes even tighter. And thought about Briana, Meg, and Jan.
They’ll feel so guilty They’ll never forgive themselves for the way they treated me.
After my close call, they’ll see how mean they were. And they’ll want to be best friends with me.
We’ll all be best friends.
And we’ll have a great summer together.
My chest began to feel tight. The back of my throat began to burn.
I opened my lips and let out a few more bubbles of air.
But my throat still burned, and so did my chest.
I floated facedown. I kept my legs stiff and let my arms hang loosely at my sides.
I listened for shouts of alarm.
Someone must have spotted me by now.
I listened for cries of help. For kids calling Liz.
But I heard only silence. The heavy silence you hear when you’re underwater.
I let out another bubble of air.
My chest really hurt now. It felt about to explode.
I opened my eyes. Was anyone nearby? Was anyone coming to rescue me?
I saw only green.
Where is everyone? I wondered.
Liz must have spotted me by now. Why isn’t she pulling me up out of the water?
I pictured her again in her white tennis shorts. I pictured her tanned arms and legs. I pictured her red hair.
Liz-where are you?
Liz-don’t you see me drowning here? You said you’d keep an eye on me, remember?
I can’t stay under much longer.
My chest is ready to explode. My whole body is tingling. Burning. My head feels about to pop open.
Can’t anyone see me here?
A wave of dizziness swept over me.
I shut my eyes, but the dizziness didn’t go away.
I pushed out the rest of the air in my lungs.
No air, I thought. No air left….
My arms and legs ached.
My chest burned.
With my eyes closed, I saw bright yellow spots.
Dancing yellow lights. They grew brighter… brighter. They did a fast, furious dance all around me.
Around my burning, tingling body.
My chest… exploding… exploding…
I’m so cold, I realized. Suddenly, I feel so cold.
The dancing, darting yellow lights grew brighter. Bright as spotlights. Bright as flashbulbs, flashing in my eyes.
Flashing around my still, cold body.
I shuddered from the cold.
Shuddered again.