The Damned Utd

‘Brian —’

‘Tomorrow.’

‘Brian —’

‘It’s too much for me,’ I tell him. ‘I need you up here, Pete.’

‘There’s no point kidding you,’ he says. ‘I’ll not come to Leeds.’

‘Then that’s me and you finished,’ I tell him and I hang up.

* * *

The Leeds defeat was a turning point. Again. You have now beaten Chelsea, Southampton, Coventry and Forest. You have beaten Notts County 6–0 in the FA Cup. You have given away tickets to striking miners. You are Cloughie. You can do what you want –

Football manager one week, prime minister the next.

Manchester United are in Nottingham. Frank O’Farrell is there to sign Ian Storey-Moore. Storey-Moore is a left-winger; fast, direct and twenty-eight years old. Nottingham Forest have accepted a £200,000 bid from United. O’Farrell and the Forest secretary have gone up to Edwalton Hall to finalize the deal with Ian Storey-Moore. Then Pete hears the deal is breaking down over Storey-Moore’s personal terms –

Pete says, ‘This one’s ours, Brian.’

You pick up the phone. You dial Edwalton Hall. You catch Ian Storey-Moore –

‘Cloughie here,’ you tell him. ‘Stay where you are, I’m coming over.’

You and Pete drive over to Nottingham. You make him an offer he can’t refuse; Ian Storey-Moore will play for Derby. Not United –

Ian Storey-Moore signs blank forms –

The only thing missing is the signature of the Forest secretary.

Longson calls you. Longson asks you, ‘Are you sure you’re in order?’

‘He wants to play for Derby County,’ you tell him. ‘So I’ve bought him.’

You take Ian Storey-Moore to the Midland Hotel, Derby. You introduce him to his new teammates. Before the home game against Wolves, you parade him around the Baseball Ground in a Derby County shirt as your new player. Your new player waves to the crowd. Your new player sits up in the directors’ box to watch Derby beat Wolves 2–1.

Then you drive him back to the Midland Hotel after the game –

You lock him in a room with his wife, a nice room –

You cross your fingers. You hope for the best –

But Forest won’t sign the transfer forms:

‘I am absolutely staggered and distressed at the performance of Nottingham Forest Football Club this morning. They are depriving the game of the dignity it deserves, and I will not have Derby County brought into any disrepute by anyone in football.’

Sir Matt Busby buys Mrs Ian Storey-Moore a bouquet of flowers –

Ian Storey-Moore joins Manchester United.

You are outraged. You send a four-page telegram in protest to Alan Hardaker and the Football League Management Committee. Your chairman sends a second telegram disassociating himself from you and your protest –

You are outraged, fucking outraged –

Outraged and out for revenge, again.

Day Seventeen

I don’t think I’ve slept; not since I hung up on Peter. Just lain here; eyes closed, thinking. Next news there’s my old mate John Shaw from Derby banging on the hotel door:

‘Do you fancy some company for the trip down to London?’ he asks.

‘I’m booked on the bloody train with Billy Bremner, aren’t I?’

‘Sod him,’ he says. ‘I’ll drive you. Meet him at the FA.’

That’s what we do then. We drive down to London –

Day before the season starts. Day before our first game –

Drive down to London, thanks to Billy Bremner, talking politics and unions, socialism and football, wishing it was a one-way trip –

‘I hate them,’ I tell John. ‘I hate managing them. But what can I bloody do? They’re filthy and they cheat. They’ve got it off to a fine art. If the pressure’s on, someone goes down in the penalty area to give them time to regroup. Then one of them gets boot trouble, which is just an excuse for the trainer to pass on messages from the bench. You wouldn’t believe what they’re capable of …’

‘Need to get you back to Derby County,’ says John. ‘Back where you belong.’

‘Either I’ll bust them or they’ll bust me.’

* * *

April Fool’s Day 1972, and Leeds United have come to you; 39,000 crammed inside the Baseball Ground to see you versus Revie.

Don’s been up to his old tricks again too, telling anyone who’ll listen that there’ll be no Giles today; John ruled out with a troublesome strain. But then, surprise surprise, come three o’clock and here comes Johnny Giles –

It makes no odds. No difference today –

Today you will not lose. Not today –

Not on this field. Not today:

You create chance after chance as Robson hustles Bremner and O’Hare turns Charlton time after time to score twice, the second cannoning back off Sprake and going in off Hunter for an own goal. It is the first time you have beaten Leeds since that Easter when Revie fielded his reserves; but these were not his reserves today –

Today you have beaten Leeds United. Beaten Don Revie –

Today you go top; top of the First Division:

‘Brilliant, indefatigable and utterly ruthless; Brian Clough and Derby County did not so much beat Revie and Leeds at the Baseball Ground as massacre them …’

You have beaten Leeds. You are top of the table. You resign –

You, Peter and Jimmy. The three of you resign –

‘For want of a bit more money —’

* * *

‘Now you let me do the talking,’ says Sam Bolton when we meet. ‘You’re here to listen.’

Bremner of Leeds and Keegan of Liverpool don’t even get to listen. They are made to wait outside the FA, so it’s Brian Clough and Sam Bolton vs Bob Paisley and John Smith in front of Vernon Stokes, Harold Thompson and Ted Croker of the FA, here at Lancaster Gate, in the Corridors of Power, with the portraits on the walls:

Her Majesty the Queen and HRH the Duke of Kent; the patron of the Football Association and the President of the Football Association –

Power and money; money and power –

The Honorary Vice-Presidents; the Life Vice-Presidents; the plain old Vice-Presidents; the letters after their names, the titles before them; the Dukes, the Earls, the Air Marshals, the Generals, the Admirals, the Field-Marshals, the Majors and the Aldermen; the Right Honourable this and the Right Honourable that –

These are the men who run the game, who control English football –

These men with their money; these men with their power –

The money to appoint people. The power to sack people –

The money to select people. The power to drop them –

To fine and suspend them –

‘You’re here to listen.’

‘Both clubs agree that the conduct of certain players in the match was deplorable and cannot be tolerated. Both realize that the good name of their club is involved, quite apart from the image of the game. The FA understands that both clubs are taking strong disciplinary action against the players concerned and the two who were sent off will also be dealt with by the FA in accordance with the agreed procedure. They will also face an FA disciplinary commission on charges of bringing the game into disrepute.’