The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag

Billy put up his hand, as he had done so long ago in the junior school. '˜To programme the computer to receive as well as to send.'

'˜Exactly, and then?'

'˜And then you can effectively read people's thoughts.'

'˜Precisely, and not just their thoughts. Access their memories also. And thoughts plus memories equal personality. Equal in fact the mind of the subject. The computer downloads the subject's mind and stores it.'

'˜To what purpose?'

'˜At present for espionage. Subject one is downloaded, subject two has his memory blanked, the concept of amnesia is implanted. Then subject one's downloaded mind, complete with all previous thought and memory, is beamed into subject two. Mentally subject two is now subject one.'

'˜And subject one?'

'˜Into the canal with subject one.'

'˜I see. But where does the Necronet concept come into this? 'њAccess the dear departed'ќ et cetera?'

'˜By happy accident, really. We downloaded a number of subjects. Disposed of their bodies, but kept the downloaded minds stored in the computer for access.'

'˜Who were these subjects?'

'˜Rivals in the field. Computer scientists. Our way of beating the opposition. Absorb it.'

'˜So you have their downloaded minds, their memories and thoughts stored in your computer banks, what then?'

'˜Then we noticed something extraordinary. They were communicating with one another. Exchanging information. One of our technicians likened them to being souls in limbo. Souls in cyberspace, if you will. And so we created a virtual world for them in there. All the comforts they might require, virtual food, virtual sex, whatever. They're very happy in there. And very cooperative.'

'˜I see,' said Billy. '˜So what do you need the grannies for?'

'˜Historical reference. A granny is a walking history book of the twentieth century. She might have forgotten much of what she experienced. But only in the conscious mind. It's all there in the subconscious, ready to be downloaded and stored.'

'˜And so the virtual granny in cyberspace has a digital memory. She can remember everything.'

'˜That's right, and all these memories can be accessed by us. You see the beauty of this. We are slowly building a world database. And it leads to an interesting spiritual question. If you download a person before they die, when they do die, do they really die? Their personalities, complete with all thoughts and memories, are inside the virtual world of the Necronet. They are alive in there. So is the person actually dead? The body, yes. The mind, no. Interesting, isn't it?'

'˜Fascinating,' said Billy. '˜But where is it all leading to?'

'˜Control,' said Blazer Dyke. '˜Control is what everything leads to. There is the herd and there is the herd leader. The herd leader is the individual, the different one. The herd is just the herd. Control the herd and you control the game. There are those who do the accessing and those who are there to be accessed. I know which of these I am. And you know too, don't you?'

'˜Born to access,' said Billy. '˜And I accept the position.'

'˜Which position is this?'

'˜Whichever position you offer me. I assume that I will not be offered a choice.'

'˜You are correct. But why do you assume this?'

'˜Because you have me under your control. You have the incriminating video tape and you hold the power of life and death. Should I refuse to do what you ask, you can always download me. I am sure your virtual world is a wonderful place, but I would prefer to live here for the time being.'

'˜Well put. The job in question is that of 'њinformation gatherer'ќ.'

'˜Which is a euphemism for what?'

'˜Assassin. Your particular gift, Billy, is for blending in. You are a regular stealth fox.'

'˜A what?'

'˜An unfortunate by-product of our rural pacification programme. Nothing to concern yourself about. But it is your ability to fit in, to look just right wherever you are, which makes you valuable to us. We need someone who can get in close. EW technology is not as yet long-range. The microwave carrier is only effective over a few metres. We will issue you with a list of subjects. Folk whose personalities we would like added to our database. You will get in close, download these people and dispose of their bodies.'

Billy nodded thoughtfully. '˜Sounds most challenging,' he said. '˜Are there prospects for promotion?'

'˜For a lad like you. Oh yes, indeed.'

'˜Then we have a deal.'

'˜Shall we shake upon it? Perhaps you will take off your gloves.'

'˜I think not,' said Billy. '˜But we have a deal.'

'˜Splendid.'

'˜Just one or two small details. Accommodation?'

'˜Pick out a place you like in the area. The company will cover the costs.'

'˜Transportation?'

'˜You acquired the young man's car, I believe.'

'˜It will do for now, I suppose.'

'˜Splendid. We'll have all the documentation altered to your name.'

'˜And my granny,' said Billy.

'˜Ah yes, your granny.'

'˜I'd like her downloaded straight away, if that's all right.'

'˜That's perfectly all right. Just bring her in whenever you want and I'll take care of it myself.'

'˜Thank you,' said Billy. '˜I have her with me now, actually. She's downstairs in the car.'

'˜I didn't notice any passenger when you drove into the car park.'

'˜Well, you wouldn't have,' said Billy. '˜She's in the boot.'

Legs Kirby

'˜Here, what's this?' says Kirby,
Kirby with those legs he wears,
Kirby with his books and prayers,
Kirby living under stairs,
Stupid bow-legs Kirby.

'˜So, who's there?' says Kirby,
Kirby with his Fifties suit,
Kirby with his iron book,
Kirby with his pheasant shoot,
Stupid bow-legs Kirby.

Well, why's this?' says Kirby,
Kirby with his kipper tie,
Kirby with his lazy eye,
Kirby with his tasty fry,
Stupid bow-legs Kirby.

'˜Yes, I see!' says Kirby,
Kirby with his winning ways,
Kirby with his love of praise,
Kirby with his open days,
Stupid bow-legs, greaseball, over-fed, toffee-nosed, know-it-all, no-good-son-of-a-pig who wouldn't let me in his gang-
Stupid bow-legs fat-head!

10

I never deal with the common man.

The common man has no spirituality.

The common man thinks that

Ganesha is Dennis the Menace's dog.

HUGO RUNE

Mrs Barnes gave it two weeks and then reported Billy's absence to the police. They sent round Inspector Kirby who had done courses in bereavement counselling and community relations. He had also done courses in stress management, positive thinking, actualization of the self, releasing the spirit within, neoistic post-modernism and macramГ©. He held a degree in Humanities and was qualified to teach hang-gliding and white water rafting. Exactly what he was doing in the police force was a mystery to both him and his mother.

Inspector Kirby rang the doorbell, but receiving no reply took himself round to the side of the house.

Mrs Barnes sat upon the veranda in her wicker chair. As it was a Thursday she was cross-dressed. Evening suit, dickie bow, patent pumps and a rather fetching Clark Gable moustache sketched in felt-tip pen beneath her nose.

'˜Madam?' said Inspector Kirby.

'˜How dare you!' said Billy's mum. '˜Does this look like a brothel?'

'˜No, madam. This looks like a mock-Tudor house. Circa 1933 and the work of the architect Klaus Bok, brother of the painter, Karl. Bok favoured the use of traditional materials, but was not averse to modern innovation, as can be seen in the window catches and guttering.' Inspector Kirby had also done '˜Architectural Styles of the Twentieth Century' in an Open University course.