Sacramento approached Payanés with a need for intimacy, for exchanging secret words that concerned only the two of them, or more precisely, that single secret word that belonged to them both and which they painfully shared on the margin of the contagious banter of the others, and it was none other than her name.
The act of including Sacramento as a character in this book forced me to ask myself how to come to understand and appreciate him in his unenviable role as a tropical Werther, so obsessive and unreal in his love that he belongs to another epoch, melodramatic and excessive when seen from the perspective of a new century which has walled itself up in its panicked fear of being ridiculous and has branded as ridiculous whatever is not imminently practical. How to get closer to Sacramento, to his grating custom of loving until death and his tendency to live dying. How not to diminish or disdain him for being excessive or out of place, and at the same time how to trust the honesty of his love, tenacious but self-sufficient, radical but suspect in its disinterestedness of the subject of that love. The theatrical purity of his idolatry moved me, but I couldn’t escape the presentiment that the object of his fervor was a creature he himself had invented, which wasn’t the girl or the puta either, but a nonexistent third woman halfway between the two.
“I can’t imagine her, now that she’s grown up,” Sacramento said to Payanés, interrupting him in his work. “Please tell me what she’s like.”
“Well, she’s like the rest of them, what do you want me to say? She has her little arms, her little legs, her little tits…” Payanés was avoiding the answer and at the same time evoking for himself the complete anatomy of that adolescent gone astray, from the smell of smoke and lavender lingering in her hair to her toenails, painted red like geranium blossoms.
Now I suspect that if Payanés, so formed from the clay of this world, could remember Sayonara in all her light and her smell, it was because he had seen her with the eyes of ordinary love, while Sacramento, on the other hand, adored her through eyes filled with ecstasy; he carried her embedded in the violet pores of his liver, which is the organ of melancholy, and that’s why he sighed with hope by day and desperation by night.
Pajabrava climbed up to the tower’s platform to perform the duties of capper and permitted Sacramento to reassume his own, but Sacramento functioned with such a lack of conviction and such inability that the rhythm of the work dropped.
“Payanés,” Sacramento resumed the conversation, trapped in the spiderweb of his obstinacy, while he struggled to hold the pipe with the wrench. “Payanés, tell me if it’s true that she smells like lavender.”
“What?”
“Her, Sayonara, does she smell like lavender?”
“How should I know? I don’t even know what lavender smells like.”
“But you said the other day that she smelled like lavender…”
“Well, then, yes,” he was forced to admit. “She smells a little like it. Why don’t you be quiet now and put your head to what you’re doing, you’re going to slice off my fingers with this shit.”
“Are you sure? I would say she smells more like smoke. If someone asked me, I would say that Sayonara smells like smoke. And like the mountain.”
“Quiet, asshole, you’re going to mutilate me!”
“This amulet that you gave me smells like the mountain, you know? Just like her hair. When I was a boy I used to get close to her to smell it without her knowing it and becoming afraid, because I thought that what people said must be true, that before she had come to Tora she had hidden in the mountains. They said that since the adults were killed by La Violencia, many children like her ended up as orphans, wandering around and living in caves. Then I thanked God that I didn’t have parents, that way no one could kill them and I wouldn’t have to live in the mountains.”
“Damn it, Sacramento! Think about what you’re doing. We haven’t gotten anywhere in two hours, and Abelino Robles is going to be furious.”
“I asked her if she had seen tigers when she lived in the mountains and she said yes, and she wanted us to pretend that we were brother and sister hunting tigers and we would hang their teeth around our necks. But I didn’t want to play; I only wanted to think about her when she was an orphan, living in the mountains, terrorized by tigers.”
“Fucking son of a bitch! You’re about to crush me! Your fucking mother! That’s it, it’s over. I can’t work like this anymore. Tell Abelino Robles that you’re still weak and that he should move you over to cleaning pipes.”
Payanés was secretive about his love for Sayonara, focused as he was on the occupational hazards of his job, and I think that unlike Sacramento, who needed to talk constantly of his passion to assure himself that it still existed, Payanés was content to be quiet, sure that on the other side of the jungle the girl he desired was gently grasping, between her thumb and index fingers, the other end of that invisible thread of joy and anxiousness that he held between his teeth. Sacramento was a man molded by doubts, and Payanés, by reality.
“Today, I’ll excuse your performance, boy,” Abelino Robles, the gang leader, warned Sacramento. “But if you fail tomorrow too, you’ll be a gardener, planting gladiolas with the other useless men.”
Did anyone notice Sacramento’s virginal paleness when by order of his superior he had to surrender the precision wrenches, abandon the platform, enter the area they disdainfully called la olla, the pot, where the dug-up pipes were stored, take a brush in his hands, and begin to scrub them with gasoline until they were free of mud and grease? Faced with that demotion to scrubber, anyone else would have burned with humiliation, anyone but Sacramento, who at that moment felt that planting gladiolas was the same as polishing Abelino Robles’s shoes; kneeling down to scrub pipes was the same as being an oil magnate and shitting out the world’s heart. He was pale, yes, and had dark circles under his eyes, but the anguish that was gnawing away at him was caused by something else.
After scrubbing for a while he couldn’t contain himself any longer; he left the pot and climbed back up to the platform where Payanés and a new partner were sweating in the throes of pipe fitting.
“Tell me, Payanés, why did you have the amulet tied around your neck?”
“Ay, Jesús, give me patience! Where do you think I should have tied it? Around my balls?”
“Don’t get like that, just tell me. You could have put it in your pocket, for example. Why didn’t you just put it in your pocket? If a man doesn’t love another man’s woman, he has no reason to tie her hair around his neck.”
Startled, Payanés’s hand narrowly escaped being crushed between the pipes. He choked on his words and his guilt, not knowing how to respond, and he used the excuse of the racket produced by the chain as it passed through the winch to say that he couldn’t hear what Sacramento had said. Then he was saved by the howling of the whistle indicating the rotation of shifts, and the seven men in the team hurried down the tower to head toward the dining hall. Payanés, to escape the awkward situation, went off on a tangent and started teasing Pajabrava.
“Tell me, master, do you think that nuns masturbate?”
“It is well known that during the cold nights in her cell, Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz…,” began Pajabrava’s torrent of words, and his response could still be heard when they reached the dining hall to find that, in the midst of general chaos, balls of rice were buzzing through the air and landing on the large portrait of Mr. L. P. Maier, the general manager of the Tropical, who presided over the room from his fixed position high up on the front wall, and from which spot, despite the rain of projectiles peppering his image, he greeted the workers with a broad smile: bland, American, and Protestant.