‘Why does he have to pay so little?” asked the American and the Frenchman indignantly.
‘It was a local call,’ explained the Devil.”
“I know a better one,” said Gibran. “One morning the Interior Minister, who is brother-in-law to the President, was passing the monument to a national hero when he heard the bronze statue complaining, ‘What an ungrateful government we have! I lost my young life fighting the colonialists, and now I’ve been standing here for fifty years. My legs ache. I have varicose veins. And that general over there gets to sit on a horse!’ And the monument pointed to the statue of the last President, who had died in a car crash soon after his successful coup. ‘What did he ever do for the Fatherland?’ the national hero went on. ‘He led some stupid coup, and he couldn’t drive a car properly. And now he has a noble Arab steed. I want a horse too.’
The Interior Minister went off to the Palace of the Republic, where he told the President’s assembled cousins, sons-in-law, and brothers-in-law, ‘Our national hero Ismail wants a horse!’
‘What? Our hero who? Ismail who died fifty years ago?” cried the company, and they fell about laughing, because they knew how fond the Interior Minister was of arrack. The President jumped up. ‘It’ll be the worse for you if you’re lying,’ he said. ‘I want to hear this for myself.’
So they both strode out of the Palace, and as they approached the monument they heard the bronze man complaining at the top of his voice, ‘A horse, I said! Don’t you idiots understand plain language? It’s a noble horse I want, not a donkey!’
Everyone spluttered with laughter except Josef.
“Not bad, but mine is even better,” claimed Michel the joiner. “One day Satlan sends his favourite ministers out hunting. He is very fond of monkeys, and he says whoever brings him a monkey will get to be Vice-President.
“After a few days, the Foreign Minister and the Finance Minister come back empty-handed. ‘There are no monkeys in Syria,’ they explain.
“Then along comes the Interior Minister, proudly leading a donkey. ‘But that’s not a monkey,’ protests the President. “It’s a donkey.”
‘You just wait until my men have questioned it, and you’ll see how quickly it confesses to being a monkey,’ replies the Interior Minister. So he’s the one who gets to be Vice-President.”
Gibran wasn’t owning himself beaten. ‘You won’t improve on my next joke. I had it from a beggar for the price of a cigarette. There’s this supporter of the President who goes for a walk with his wife. He sees a street seller on the avenue sidewalk, with all kinds of pictures of singers, saints, and politicians for sale.
‘How much is the big picture of Jesus?’ he asks.
‘Ten lira.’
‘What about the picture of President Satlan?’
‘One lira.’
‘One lira? Don’t you think it’s outrageous to charge ten lira for Jesus and only one lira for the picture of our beloved President?’
‘Crucify him and I’ll sell his picture for fifty,’ says the street seller.”
Josef thought this was a tasteless joke, but all the others except Suleiman were on Gibran’s side, and they accused Josef of having no sense of humour. Josef was out on a limb, for the mood in Damascus had changed since the wave of arrests began. More and more dislike of Satlan and the Egyptians was being expressed these days.
When they parted, Taufik embraced old Gibran and whispered to him and the others, “God preserve us from the consequences of our laughter.”
Neither Gibran nor the others knew how prophetically Taufik had spoken.
BOOK OF LOVE V
Happiness often lies in delaying misfortune.
DAMASCUS, SPRING 1960
190. The Man Who Saw With His Ears
“I should have known I couldn’t steal so many happy moments and get away with it,” said Rana to her friend Dunia, “but I was intoxicated by love and thought no further than the end of my own nose. I didn’t want to see the black clouds of misfortune looming. I just enjoyed what time I could spend with Farid as if it would last for ever.”
Back then in the spring of 1960, when she was studying and could meet Farid often, she had discovered how little a human being needs to be happy. Farid was easily pleased. When he made tea she felt he was in an invisible Paradise because he smiled at her so cheerfully, rubbing his hands and dancing around the little teapot. And when he poured the tea into warmed glasses, he beamed all over his face. He was always thinking of ways to entice laughter out of her. He was addicted to her laughter, the way other men are addicted to hashish or alcohol. He knew no other sound in the world that fell so refreshingly on his heart, like a waterfall.
Then there was the incident with Uncle Mahmud the blind beggar. He was a small man with a friendly face, not yet fifty but prematurely grey, and was known as “Uncle” out of affection and respect. Rumour said he was a Sufi scholar. Rana didn’t know if that was true, but she was sure he had the keenest ears in the world. He could recognise all who spoke to him by their voices, even if he was standing in one of the busiest streets in the city.
One evening she was just coming out of the cinema with Farid, and as they passed Uncle Mahmud she said hello and put twenty piastres into the blind man’s hand. “Rana,” he cried, “what a coincidence! Your Papa was here just two minutes ago.” Rana looked up, and saw her father a few metres away, looking into a shop window. She turned swiftly and went away in the other direction with Farid. Her heart was thudding, her temples throbbed. Finally they found a safe corner, and watched her father until he got into his car and drove away.
“Thank you for saving us,” whispered Farid in relief, giving the beggar fifty piastres.
“Saving you? What do you mean? And who are you?” asked the beggar, putting the coin in his pocket. “I don’t know your voice.”
“This is my friend Farid,” Rana explained.
“Ah, I understand,” said the beggar, laughing. “Well, no harm can come to you as long as blind guardian angels watch where you go.”
From then on he always greeted Farid by his name. One Sunday afternoon, Farid and Rana were just coming out of their favourite café when they saw Uncle Mahmud slumped outside the entrance to a building.
“Are you all right?” asked Farid, concerned.
“I’ve been mugged, but I’ll be better soon. Can you two help me home?”
Uncle Mahmud could hardly walk, and Farid kept asking him if he didn’t want to go to a doctor or to hospital. The blind beggar said no.
“There were these three men. They said they were police, and I tried to sound harmless, cracking a small joke and laughing a little. I’m a fool, I ought to have noticed that there were three of them. The city police patrol these parts, but they always come one at a time, and they’ll usually look the other way, or just say you’d better clear off for a while because of a minister or a state guest driving by. But several policemen all at once? I ought to have shouted for help in that busy street, but they overpowered me and dragged me into a small van. They wanted money. Some idiot had told them I was rolling in it. They hit me and threatened to strangle me, but since I didn’t have anything there was nothing I could give them. They took what money I had from my pocket, threw me out of the van and raced away.”
Uncle Mahmud lived in a room at the top of an old house. It was extremely clean and tidy. Rana was surprised. She nudged Farid, and without a word indicated what she was thinking. Farid nodded.