“Where have you been?” Joakim asked, more sharply than he had intended.
Livia looked up from her drawing. Katrine had never painted for pleasure even though she was an art teacher, but Livia enjoyed drawing.
“Here,” she said, as if it were perfectly obvious.
“But before…Did you go outside? You and Andreas and Gabriel?”
“For a little while.”
“You mustn’t go in the barn,” said Joakim. “Did you hide in there?”
“No. There’s nothing to do in the barn.”
“Where’s Andreas?”
“He went home. They were going to eat.”
“Okay. We’ll be eating soon too. But don’t go outside again without telling me, Livia.”
“No.”
The night after Joakim had been out in the barn, Livia started talking in her sleep again.
She had gone to bed with no trouble that night. Gabriel had fallen asleep at around seven, and while Joakim was helping Livia to brush her teeth in the bathroom she had studied his head at close quarters with considerable curiosity.
“You’ve got funny ears, Daddy,” she said eventually.
Joakim put his daughter’s mug and toothbrush back on the shelf and asked: “What do you mean?”
“Your ears look so… old.”
“I see. But they’re no older than I am. Have they got hair in them?”
“Not much.”
“Good,” said Joakim. “Hair in your nose and ears isn’t exactly cool… or in your mouth.”
Livia wanted to stay in front of the mirror for a while pulling faces, but Joakim gently led her out of the bathroom. He put her to bed, and read the story twice about Emil getting his head stuck in the soup bowl, then turned off the light. As he was leaving the room he could hear her wriggling further down the bed and snuggling her head into the pillow.
Katrine’s woolen sweater still lay beside her in the bed.
He went into the kitchen, made himself a couple of sandwiches, and switched on the dishwasher. Then he turned out all the lights. In the darkness he groped his way back to his own bedroom and switched on the main light.
There it stood, the cold, empty double bed. And on the walls above it hung clothes. Katrine’s clothes, which by now had lost all trace of her scent. Joakim ought to take them down, but not tonight.
He turned off the light, got into bed, and lay there motionless in the darkness.
“Mommy?”
Livia’s voice made Joakim raise his head, wide awake.
He listened. The dishwasher in the kitchen had finished, and the clock radio was showing 11:52. He had slept for over an hour.
“Mom-my?”
The cry came again; Joakim got out of bed and went back to Livia’s room. He stood in the doorway until he heard her again:
“Mommy?”
He went over to the bed. Livia was lying under the covers with her eyes closed, but by the glow of the light out in the corridor Joakim could see her head moving restlessly on the pillow. Her hand was clutching Katrine’s sweater, and he carefully released it.
“Mommy isn’t here,” he said quietly, folding up the sweater.
“Yes, she is.”
“Go to sleep now, Livia.”
She opened her eyes and recognized him.
“I can’t sleep, Daddy.”
“Yes, you can.”
“No,” said Livia. “You have to sleep here.”
Joakim sighed, but Livia was wide awake now, and there was nothing else for it. This had always been Katrine’s job.
Cautiously he lay down on the edge of the bed. It was too short, he’d never be able to get to sleep.
He fell asleep after two minutes.
There was someone outside the house.
Joakim opened his eyes in the darkness. He couldn’t hear anything, but he could feel that they had a visitor.
He was fully awake again.
What time was it? He had no idea. He might have slept for several hours.
He raised his head and listened. The house was silent and still. The only sound was the faint ticking of a clock-and the barely audible breathing in the darkness beside him.
He sat up silently and carefully got off the bed. But after only three steps he heard the voice behind him:
“Don’t go, Daddy.”
He stopped and turned around.
“Why not?”
“Don’t go.”
Livia was lying motionless, facing the wall. But was she awake?
Joakim couldn’t see her face, just her blonde hair. He went back to the bed and sat down cautiously beside her.
“Are you asleep, Livia?” he asked quietly.
After a few seconds came the reply:
“No.”
She sounded awake, but relaxed.
“Are you sleeping?”
“No… I can see things.”
“Where?”
“In the wall.”
She was talking in a monotone, her breathing slow and calm. Joakim leaned closer to her head in the darkness.
“What can you see?”
“Lights, water… shadows.”
“Anything else?”
“It’s light.”
“Can you see any people?”
She was silent again, before the reply came:
“Mommy.”
Joakim stiffened. He held his breath, suddenly afraid that this was serious-that Livia was asleep, and really could see things through the wall. Don’t ask any more questions, he thought. Go to bed.
But he had to carry on:
“Where can you see Mommy?” he asked.
“Behind the light.”
“Can you see-”
Livia interrupted him, speaking with greater intensity:
“Everybody’s standing there waiting. And Mommy’s with them.”
“Who? Who’s waiting?”
She didn’t reply.
Livia had talked in her sleep before, but never as clearly as this. Joakim still suspected that she was awake, that she was just playing games with him. But he still couldn’t stop asking questions:
“How’s Mommy feeling?”
“She’s sad.”
“Sad?”
“She wants to come in.”
“Tell her…” Joakim swallowed, his mouth dry. “Tell her she can come in any time.”
“She can’t.”
“Can’t she get to us?”
“Not in the house.”
“Can you talk to her?”
Silence. Joakim spoke slowly and clearly:
“Can you ask Mommy… what she was doing down by the water?”
Livia lay motionless in the bed. There was no response, but he still didn’t want to give up.
“Livia? Can you talk to Mommy?”
“She wants to come in.”
Joakim straightened up in the darkness and didn’t ask any more. The whole thing felt hopeless.
“You must try-”
“She wants to talk,” Livia broke in.
“Does she?” he asked. “About what? What does Mommy want to say?”
But Livia said nothing more.
Joakim said nothing either, he just got up slowly from the bed. His knees creaked; he had been sitting in the same position with his back rigid for too long.
He moved silently over to the blind and peeked out from the back of the house. He could see his own transparent reflection in the windowpane, like a misty shape-but not much beyond it.
There was no moon, no stars. Clouds covered the sky. The grass in the meadow rippled slightly in the wind, but nothing else was moving.
Was there anyone out there? Joakim let go of the blind. To go outside and take a look, he would have to leave Livia and Gabriel alone, and he didn’t want to do that. He stayed by the window, unsure what to do, and eventually turned his head.
“Livia?”
No reply. He took a step back toward the bed, but saw that she was fast asleep.
He wanted to carry on asking questions. Perhaps even wake her up to find out if she could remember anything about what she’d seen in her sleep, but of course it wasn’t a good idea to press her.
Joakim pulled the flowery coverlet up over her narrow shoulders and tucked her in.
He returned silently to his own bed. The coverlet felt like a shield against the darkness as he crept in.
He listened anxiously for noises from the corridor and from Livia’s room. The house was silent, but Joakim was thinking of Katrine. It was several hours before he managed to fall asleep.