“I’ll take you. I’ve been here before. I’ll find us some rooms.”
Isabelle nodded, then looked to Angelique. “We’ll talk in a bit.”
“Okay. Get some rest.”
After they left, Michael wandered off, his face buried in her mother’s journal. Mandy and Trace excused themselves to do some weaponry inventory, leaving her alone with Ryder.
“Are you okay with all this?” he asked as soon as the rest of them left.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Actually, I feel. . contaminated.”
“Why?”
“It’s like I’m less than human. Maybe I knew this was coming, especially after what happened at the cottage. I just didn’t want to believe it.”
He stood, approached her. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re no different now than you were five minutes before the contents of your mother’s diary were revealed.”
She backed away from him. She wasn’t ready to discuss this. “I’m tired. I’m going to my room. I need to think.” She skirted around him, fleeing up to her room and shutting the door. She sat on the bed and stared out the window, feeling numb all over.
Less than a minute later, Ryder walked in and shut the door behind him.
“Don’t you knock?”
“Sometimes.” He came over to the bed and sat next to her.
“Go away, Ryder. I need to be alone.”
“No, you don’t. Not now.”
“You have no idea what I need. Can’t you give me five minutes to process this by myself?”
“Why? So you can sit here alone and have the time to convince yourself that you’re worthless because you have demon blood running through your veins?”
She hated that he voiced what she was thinking. “You have no idea how I feel.”
“Don’t I? I might not have demon blood in me, but my father’s blood is there.”
“He was human.”
Ryder snorted. “Was he? I’m not sure about that. And this isn’t about me. Look at Derek and Nic. They’re half demons.”
“And?”
“They function normally as humans. They can control their demon side. You’ll be able to do the same.”
She’d forgotten about the two brothers who were half demons. They were both so normal in appearance, so human in every way, yet she’d seen them in action. They could almost call out the demon side of themselves at will, and then tuck it away again, becoming perfectly normal.
Was there hope for her, too?
“Gina and Shay love Derek and Nic, you know.”
Her gaze whipped up to his. “I know.” She’d seen the couples together. Shay and Gina, human women in love with demon men.
“They accept their men, even though they’re partially demon.”
Her throat went dry. Was he trying to tell her something? “What’s your point, Ryder?”
His eyes were so dark, like a warm whiskey, she felt herself go hot all over. Especially when he didn’t say anything, just looked at her. .
He cleared his throat. She waited.
“You should never think of yourself as unworthy,” he finally said. “Of anything. You saved my life back at the cottage. You could turn in to one hell of a demon hunter someday. The Realm of Light can use someone like you in its ranks.”
So not what she thought he was going to say. Not. At. All. Disappointment and embarrassment flushed heat through her body. She’d wanted his acceptance, to hear that he didn’t care if she had demon blood in her. She wanted to hear that he would still care about her.
He could talk about others falling in love with half demons, but that didn’t include him. He could never do that. Obviously he couldn’t get past the fact she was part demon.
Oh, he could fuck her. No problem there. But he’d never love her.
“Thanks for your advice,” she said, standing up and moving toward the door. She had to get him out of here before she embarrassed herself further by dissolving into tears. “I’ll talk to Michael about a possible career with the Realm of Light.”
Ryder stood and approached the door she held open, frowning. “Is something wrong?”
“Not at all. I’m just tired. And I need to go talk to my sister. She’s upset.”
He reached for her, but she took a step back.
“Angie-”
“Thanks for taking the time to talk to me, Ryder. But there are things I need to do.” She motioned to the hallway, hoping she wouldn’t have to come right out and ask him to leave her room. She was barely holding it together.
He gave her a curt nod and walked out. She shut the door and leaned her back against it, hating the hot splash of tears that fell from her face.
Stupid. God, she was so stupid. Was she really expecting a declaration of love from Ryder?
Yeah, right. He thought she might make a great demon hunter.
Why didn’t she ever listen to her mother and be more cautious with her heart?
She sank down the door and sat on the floor, drawing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs.
Too much. There had been too much revelation lately, and she couldn’t handle any more.
She laid her chin on her knee and stared at the dust motes swimming in the beam of sunlight shining on the floor.
Oh, to be that free, that mindless. She was tired of responsibility, would love to run away and forget all of this.
But she couldn’t. Because of Isabelle. Izzy needed her. She was always the strong one. And she needed that strength now more than ever.
There was no one for her to lean on.
She needed to stop feeling sorry for herself and go talk to her sister. God only knew what must be going through Isabelle’s mind right now. What was she thinking after reading Mother’s diary, knowing the concerns their mother had about Isabelle?
Izzy was in trouble. And in danger. There was a reason Bart hadn’t been able to use Angelique in the caves in Australia, a reason she hadn’t been able to empower the black diamond.
Maybe that was because the dominant demon blood was in Isabelle, not her. She didn’t really understand it since they were twins, but there was nothing normal about either of them. Izzy had always been different.
And maybe Bart had wanted Isabelle all along, and had just chosen the wrong sister.
Angelique had always known this, though she hadn’t wanted to believe it was true. Now she knew the fact and the reason why.
She also knew what she had to do-use all her power to protect her sister, even if it meant betraying the Realm of Light-and Ryder.
Again.
The first thing she had to do was assess Isabelle’s state of mind, get her sister calmed down and under control, and let her know that she was loved.
She couldn’t assure Isabelle she was going to be okay. Not until she understood the capacity of their powers. Even Angelique didn’t understand that yet.