What difference mill that make if we have nowhere to go? Jedra asked.
We can't give up. Kayan said. We still have a day's supplies. Two if we're careful. Tyr is the closest sign of life; we'll head there and hope to find some form of help along the way. There isn't any-
Save it. Before Jedra could protest further, Kayan broke the link.
If coming down from their convergence was hard before, being dropped out of it unexpectedly was like feeling his own death. Jedra lurched drunkenly and had to put out his arms to keep from falling over.
"Yuh..." he tried to speak, but words wouldn't form. You might have warned me! he mindsent instead.
It was the wrong thing to say, and saying it mentally was the wrong medium. They were both suffering from the post-link depression, and filtered through his frustration and hers, his mental words carried far more freight than spoken words ever could.
If you weren't so indecisive, I wouldn't have had to break away so abruptly, she snapped back at him.
Her meaning came across instantly, along with her contempt. He looked up to see her glaring at him. Indecisive? he sent back. I don't call walking seven days to Tyr on two days' rations a decision. I call that stupidity.
Oh, so what would you rather do? Wait here? Go back to the elves and say we're sorry, will they take us back in?
That's a better idea than just walking on into the desert. If you hadn't got us in trouble there in the first place, we-
Me? You're the one who got us in trouble. You and your stupid cloud ray.
Jedra climbed shakily to his feet. I was looking for Sahalik, which I would never have had to do if you hadn't chased him out of camp.
Kayan stood up, too, and though she only came up to the middle of his chest, she looked ready to take him on with bare hands at any moment. Oh, yeah? And what was I supposed to do, let him have his filthy way with me just so we could stay with your precious elves? Was I supposed to buy their hospitality with my body?
Jedra clenched and unclenched his fists. You could have let him down easy, he said. You didn't have to humiliate him in front of the whole tribe.
I did, too. Kayan turned away and picked up her pack. Of course if you had been more decisive when he first showed up, maybe I wouldn't have, but when he realized you were a pushover, he-
Oh, so that's my fault now, too! Jedra grabbed his own pack off the sand and tied it closed, then swung it onto his back. He picked up the spear with its rag tied to the end and slung that over his shoulder, wincing at the sore spot where it had rested during the last march. Well let me tell you something, miss high-and-mighty ex-templar, I didn't get us into this mess. You did. You and your-
Cloud ray, she said. Cloud ray, cloud ray, cloud ray. That's why we got kicked out of the tribe. I had us living in the chief's tent until you pulled that stunt. Arrgghh! Jedra growled, an inarticulate bellow of rage. She'd twisted things around in a circle again.
He stomped off with the rag end of the spear bent low in front of him, sweeping for sand cactus.
Where are you going? Kayan demanded.
Jedra stopped. He'd struck out to the north, he realized. Toward Urik, the only place he'd ever called home. But Urik was nearly twice as far away as anyplace else they could go, the entire distance through open desert. He looked toward the east, where the sky was just beginning to show the first glow of approaching dawn. Only hostile elves and the tablelands lay in that direction. The south was no better. Reluctantly, he turned westward and began walking. I guess I'm going to Tyr, he said.
One good thing about anger, Jedra thought an hour or so later-it completely overrode the exhaustion he'd expected to feel after their convergence. He and Kayan had already walked farther this morning than they'd gone in either of their previous marches, and the sun hadn't even cleared the horizon yet. The last stars were fading before them, though, and it wouldn't be long before the temperature began to rise. Who would have thought there could be so much change in so barren a landscape? Hot enough to cook meat on a rock during the day, and cold enough to freeze it at night; full of vegetation and lizards and other small animals just a day to the east, but practically empty here. A person couldn't count on anything in the desert.
He increased his pace, eager to get out of the desert.
Hey, Kayan mindsent. You're already going too fast. Your legs are longer than mine.
I thought you wanted to get to Tyr, he replied without turning his head, but he slowed down.
The sun had been up for a couple of hours before they spoke again. Your shoulders are going to get sunburned,
Kayan sent.
I know, Jedra responded. His pack covered some of the rips the cactus had made in his robe, but not all of them. Shouldn't you turn your robe around or something? They were walking on much rockier ground now, the sand underfoot littered with pebbles and stones. Occasional reddish-yellow boulders dotted the landscape as well. Jedra paused beside one such boulder, letting his danger sense tell him if anything was hiding behind it, and when he was sure it was safe he relaxed a bit and said, I suppose I should.
He took off his pack and dropped it to the ground, handed Kayan the spear, then pulled his arms through his sleeves and twisted the robe around. When he stuck his arms out again the cloth felt tight across his neck, but most of the holes the cactus had ripped in it were in front. He put his pack on and took back the spear, then started walking again.
Jedra, Kayan sent.
What?
Couldn't we at least rest for a minute?
Rest. That sounded good. Trouble was, in his depression, would he ever start out again?
He would have to find out sometime. All right, he said, turning around and walking back to the boulder where Kayan still waited.
They sat down in the shade and each took a drink from Kayan's waterskin. Her honeycakes beckoned from within her pack, but neither she nor Jedra took one. They would eat during the hottest part of the day, when they stopped for shelter from the sun.
After a minute or so of awkward silence, Kayan said aloud, "Jedra, I'm sorry I said all those things. I was just frustrated and tired. I don't really think that about you." "You can't lie in a mindlink," Jedra said.
You can too, Kayan sent. She laughed, and when Jedra looked puzzled she said, "Think about it."
He tried to work out the logic of it, and finally he admitted, "All right, maybe you can. But you still said it. You wanted it to be true." "I didn't either. I wanted to hurt you." He looked at her as if she'd just said she planned to stab him in the back. "That's supposed to make me feel better?"
"Of course it is," she said. She shook her head to flip her hair back out of her eyes. "Look, we were mad at each other. When you're mad, you say things to hurt each other. You don't necessarily mean them."
"Oh," Jedra said. He looked at her again, really looked at her for the first time that day. She certainly seemed sincere, with her green eyes open wide and her round face full of concern. Jedra felt himself relax a little. "I supposed that's another thing I don't know much about," he said.
"What, fighting?"
"Yeah." He looked away again, out over the desert. "The whole world seems to thrive on it, but I've never understood why. What good does it do? People hurt each other all the time, usually for the stupidest reasons. They kill each other because of an insult, or sometimes just for something to do. Some people are always looking for fights."
"Like Sahalik," Kayan said.
"Yeah, like Sahalik." Jedra looked back at her. "I don't know. Maybe you didn't have anything to do with that. I'm a half-elf; he probably would have found an excuse to challenge me even if you'd been nicer to him." "Maybe." Kayan shrugged. "I guess I could have tried anyway."