The anger welling up inside Paulina was a firestorm.
She was scared, and God, she couldn’t stand that feeling.
The idea that someone controlled an aspect of her life that she did not, it was like being trapped in cement while people poked you with a stick. That night, the night that man took her, Paulina had experienced emotions she didn’t think she’d ever felt. Not when her husband left her.
Not when he took half of her money because his deadbeat ass barely made a dime, not when she was fired from her first job as a secretary for “not being presentable.” Of course this translated as she wouldn’t wear a blouse lowcut enough that the partners could see her tits, but even then Paulina Cole didn’t feel this sensation. Even then, she knew her future was in her hands. Small people thought small. She was meant for something bigger, grander, and nobody, no idiotic men-whether spouse or employer-would ever slow her down.
Until that night.
There were burn marks on her right side, just below the curve of her breast. It ached every second of every day, and she had to wear a massive bandage, otherwise all the aloe she put on it would seep through her shirts.
She’d never been brutalized. Not like that. She could take criticism. She could take people hating her. Hate came when you got under somebody’s skin, and Paulina was nothing if not a provocateur.
But she did nothing to deserve this.
And neither did Abby.
Thinking about what that man threatened to do to her daughter made Paulina shriek inside. And when Paulina
Cole got scared, she took those emotions and turned them inside out. Fear turned to rage, and rage had to be directed somewhere. She just didn’t know where yet.
She arrived at Smith College at just past noon, the entire hundred-and-sixty-mile-plus drive taking just over two and a half hours. Luckily there wasn’t much traffic leaving Manhattan that early in the morning. Lots of people lived outside the city and commuted in. Not a whole lot did the opposite. No sense paying New York living prices and make a non-NYC wage.
Finally Paulina found herself on College Lane, which was bracketed on the north by Elm Street. Figured, she thought, that this pagan sanctuary of a university would have an Elm Street.
The office of admissions was a three-level white-92
Jason Pinter thatched cottage with a second-level deck that hung over the entryway. The front door had several sun chairs on the porch, though Paulina couldn’t for the life of her figure out who exactly would choose to spend a beautiful day sitting in front of the admissions office.
Paulina parked the rental on the lawn directly outside of the admissions office, purposefully ignoring the yellow sign that clearly stated VEHICLES WITHOUT PARKING PERMITS WILL BE TOWED. Paulina knew this game. In order for her car to be towed, the admissions office would have to call the college’s office of public safety. The public safety office would have to dispatch an officer to survey the vehicle. If the vehicle was, in fact, parked without a permit, the public safety officer would then have the go-ahead to call the local police department, who would then dispatch a tow truck to remove the offending vehicle. The entire process, beginning to end, would take about forty-five minutes.
Paulina didn’t plan to be there more than five.
She walked into the admissions office, trying to avoid eye contact with the students huddled in the foyer reading the campus paper and checking their cell phones for text messages. She went right up to the registrar and planted her hands on the counter in front of the ruddy-faced man who looked at her like she was some vicious bear come in from the wilderness.
“Hi,” Paulina said with the conviction of a woman who knew she’d get whatever information she wanted and might just tear out your spleen to get it. “I’m looking for my daughter. I was wondering if you could let me know what dorm room she’s in.”
“Your…daughter?” the man said, surprised. Paulina could tell from the man’s demeanor that he was probably not considered any sort of threat to the student body of this all-girl school.
“Yes. My daughter. Abigail Cole.” The man sat there unmoving. “Is there a problem?”
“Well no,” he replied. “It’s just that, well, most parents have their children’s phone numbers and dorm rooms etched into their brains. You know, one of those ‘always know where to reach your loved ones’ deals.”
“Yeah, well I’m not one of those parents,” Paulina said.
“No, you don’t seem to be.” He picked up the phone.
“Would you like me to call her for you?”
“No,” she said. “I’d prefer if you just told me where she lives. I’d like it to be a surprise.”
“Surprise. Sure. Can I just see some ID?”
Paulina handed it over. The man took it gently between his thumb and index finger like one might handle a piece of forensic evidence. He looked at it, typed a few keys into his computer, then slid it back to her.
“Thanks, Ms. Cole. Abigal lives in room three-ohthree of the Friedman apartments.”
“Where can I find that?”
“It’s the housing complex at the corner of Elm and
Prospect streets. But you’ll need somebody to let you in-like Abigail. The doors are locked 24/7, and campus security is always on the lookout for people who don’t necessarily look like they know what they’re looking for.”
“Thanks for the tip,” she said, and left.
She drove over to the apartment complex and found a spot in the student lot in between a Volvo that looked sturdy enough to withstand tank fire and a Prius with a
Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker lovingly forgotten on the rear bumper.
She walked across the lawn toward the middle of the three dorms, for a moment thinking back to her own time at college, wondering where it all went. She barely remembered the days that seemed to have flown by in a blur of books and late nights, staying up until four in the morning to ace the test that nobody else figured they could pass. Paulina smiled as she watched all the young women, these silly young women who probably had no idea what kind of world awaited them. Most looked like they didn’t have a care in the world, and who knew, maybe they didn’t. But, one thing Paulina knew for sure, it was the ones who cared too much who succeeded. The ones who refused to stay down when they were beaten down. The ones who refused to take “no,” and instead took everything. She prayed for years that her daughter was like that. Sadly, she’d resigned herself to the fact that it was not meant to be.
Approaching the dorm, Paulina stopped two young women carrying backpacks and chatting. “Excuse me,” she said. “Can you tell me where I can find room threeoh-three?”
The thicker one who had short hair and stringy-looking tassels lining it, pointed to the dorm on the left, then middle. “One hundreds, two hundreds, three hundreds.”
She finished by pointing at the dorm on the right.
“Thanks very much,” Paulina said, and waited until the girls left. She walked up to the entrance, a glass door leading into a small atrium that was also locked from the outside. She took out her cell phone, pretended to send text messages while she waited. Finally a girl approached the door, looking in her purse for a key. When she found it and inserted it into the lock, Paulina stepped behind her and put the phone away. The girl opened the door, and Paulina caught it before it could close, following her into the atrium. The girl turned around, looked at Paulina.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her young blond hair looking so tender, so naive. “We’re not supposed to let strangers inside the dorms.”
“Oh, I’m no stranger,” Paulina said, laughing. “Do you know Abigail Cole?”
The girl’s eyebrows lifted. “Why do you ask?”
“My daughter,” Paulina said, shrugging. “Surprise visit.”
Suddenly the girl smiled, enthusiasm radiating from her. It took Paulina by surprise. “No way!” the girl nearly shrieked. “I’m Pam. I’ve asked Abby so many times about her family and, well, I guess you know what she’s like.