‘It was three years ago,’ Kennedy pointed out.
‘Doesn’t matter. The shockwaves might take a whole generation to die down. Longer even. Anything that big, Heather, it happens too slowly to measure. Believe me. A lot of my assignments for Xe were what they call après-war, so I got to see a lot of people — a lot of cultures — working through a lot of bad stuff. Everything gets thrown up in the air and comes down again in the wrong order. This wasn’t a war, obviously; it was an exodus. But I bet it was comparable in some ways.’
Kennedy found herself rebelling against this argument. Maybe sympathising with the bastards who’d done so much to ruin Tillman’s life and tried to end hers was just too big a feat of moral gymnastics for her to pull off. ‘Comparable to a war? The only way it would be comparable would be if they’d gotten so hidebound — so rigid in the way they think and the way they live — that any kind of change would break them.’
‘Well,’ Tillman said, looking away again, ‘it’s only a hypothesis. The facts on the ground suggest that they’re fighting against each other. We can agree on that much. The reasons … well, we’re never going to know, one way or the other, are we? If you asked them, and they told you, they’d have to kill you right after.’
He said it lightly, but Kennedy didn’t laugh — and Tillman wasn’t really joking. He stood up and stared down at her in silence.
‘What?’ Kennedy said.
‘What is it you want from me, Heather?’
‘Right now? Nothing. I’m just warning you, because it seems to me that if they’re really dusting off unfinished business — if this is more than just coincidence — then they’ll be coming after you next. And now it looks like they already did. I bet it’s them who are watching you.’
‘No,’ Tillman said.
‘What do you mean, no? The one person they hate more than me would have to be you, so it’s kind of inevit—’
‘I mean, you didn’t come here to warn me.’
‘I didn’t?’
‘Well, not just for that. Tell me the rest. You want me to ride shotgun for you?’
Kennedy was appalled. ‘No,’ she said. ‘Leo, no. Jesus, after what you’ve been through? I’m not trying to pull you back in. Not …’ Not to fight them, she wanted to say. Not to kill any more of them. But if she followed that chain of ideas, with Tillman right there in front of her, there was no way of knowing what her face might give away. He still had no idea that the two Messengers he’d killed at Dovecote Farm had been his own sons. She was determined that he’d never find out.
In fact there was only one conceivable counterbalance to that determination, and this was the real reason why she’d come: outweighing the two dead sons, the one living daughter. Tabe. Because it was impossible, looking at the girl’s face and hearing her speak, not to see the resemblances, hear the echoes. But she’d been with Diema so briefly, at a time when her thoughts had been in turmoil. She could easily be mistaken. The age was about right, but what the hell did that mean? All of the Messengers were young. The drugs they took to increase their strength and speed killed them before they got old.
‘There’s something else,’ she admitted. ‘Something I’m going to need to tell you about, only I can’t do it yet. I don’t know if I’m right, and if I’m wrong it would be …’ She tailed off. This had strayed onto really dangerous ground, really fast. ‘I swear, Leo,’ she said, aware of the hollow reverb on her weasel words, ‘as soon as I’m sure, I’ll tell you. And then — well, yeah, then I’d want you to get involved. Then you’d have to get involved.’
‘And until then, I just have to trust your instincts?’
‘Yes.’
‘Fine,’ Tillman said. ‘Because I do.’ He let out his breath in a long sigh. ‘It’s funny. For a long time, I thought I was at peace. I knew that Rebecca was dead. I knew how she died, and why. I knew my kids were doing okay, that they were happy, even if they were with those maniacs. I thought that was enough. But lately it’s been troubling me. Like, how could I know they were out there and not try to find them? Even if I only saw them from a distance, it would mean so much. You coming to see me … it’s strange, but it’s strange in a good way. It’s as though everything I thought we laid to rest is waking up again.’
Not quite everything, Kennedy thought. Not Ezei, or Cephas. This was why she was terrified of letting him get too close. It magnified the risk that he’d find out what he’d done, and she was sure beyond any shadow of a doubt that the knowledge would break him. ‘Leo,’ she said, trying to head him off, ‘we found their home once and they uprooted it and moved it. There’s no way they’d let you find it again. I think you should put that out of your mind. And believe me, please, I really didn’t come here to drag you into my mess. I came to warn you to watch your back, and … No, that’s all. Just watch your back. If you’ve got the option of going to ground somewhere, do it. When it’s over, I’ll leave a message at that café, or wherever. I’ll come over and tell you what happened. Maybe — maybe I’ll have some news to tell you.’
‘Heather,’ Tillman said mildly, ‘with respect — and I hope you know how much I respect you — I don’t think that’s how this will work. Even if I was happy to sit it out, I’m the only one you can ask for help who knows how these bastards work.’
‘I’m not,’ Kennedy said, a little desperate now. ‘I’m not asking you for help. Actually, I’m asking you not to help. I’ve got … I’m setting something up. Something complicated. If you come barging in, you might wreck it. Please, Leo. Keep your distance until I’m done.’
‘Something complicated.’
‘Yes.’
‘A sting of some kind?’
‘I’d tell you if I could.’
Tillman laughed. ‘Damn, Heather. How could you be a murder cop all those years and not get good at lying? You can’t even look me in the eye. Look, you need me, and I’m offering. Of my own free will. You don’t have to say yes or no right now. Just keep in touch, and when I’m done with this other stuff I’m doing, I’ll be available for any kind of back-up or heavy lifting you need done. Where are you staying? Not at home, I’m assuming?’
‘No,’ Kennedy said. ‘Nowhere anyone could find me.’
‘Well, don’t get too comfortable, all the same,’ he warned her. ‘But we should stay in touch, even if you don’t want me elbowing in on your play. Especially if you don’t want me in on it. You’ve got pen and paper? Write your address down for me.’
So nobody with long-range listeners pointed in this direction could hear her say it out loud, Kennedy realised. She hesitated, but really there was no good reason not to give Tillman the address of the Bastion. If something did happen — if the Elohim popped up in his life, too — it would be better if he could let her know about it quickly. She wrote the name and address of the hotel on the back of a till receipt that she found in her purse. She handed it to Tillman and he thrust it into his pocket without looking at it. ‘We’ll do this again soon,’ he promised her.
‘I’ll yell out if I need you,’ Kennedy counter-offered. ‘I’ll leave a message at the café. Stay away from me and away from all of this, until you hear from me.’
‘No promises,’ he said. ‘But let’s stay in touch anyway. It’s best if each of us knows roughly where the other is, at least — in case anything happens. So I’ll assume I can reach you at this address unless you tell me you’re going to be somewhere else. Okay?’