I said: “Let me get out of here.”
“My dearest Kate, you will go at my pleasure.”
“At your pleasure! You are a monster.”
“I know,” he agreed.
“But in your heart you rather like this monster, Kate. I will have you recognized as a great artist. Just think what I have done for you already.”
“I can think of nothing but what you have just done to me.”
“Proud Kate, taken in a drunken stupor.”
“That wine was drugged. That woman …”
“Don’t blame her. She was obeying orders.”
“A sort of pander…”
“Hardly an apt description. What is done is done, Kate. You are a woman now. You and I have explored the realms of delight together... ”
“Of degradation!” I said.
“You are cynical. You are laughing at me.
That is what I would expect of you. “
“Do you hate me still?”
“A thousand times more than I ever did.”
“Perhaps while you are here I can make you change your mind.”
“The more time I spent with you, the more I should hate you. What do you mean … while I am here?”
“You are detained … on my baronial pleasure.”
“You can’t mean you would keep me here.”
He nodded.
“I could,” he said.
“For what purpose?”
“I thought I had demonstrated that.”
“You’ve gone mad.”
“Mad with desire for you.”
I tried to rise but he was still holding me down, and when I lifted my head I felt dizzy.
“What is your purpose?” I demanded.
“First to turn a rather haughty self-possessed young lady into a warm and passionate woman.”
“I will never feel anything but hatred and contempt for you. And you say … first…”
“There is something else.”
“Well?”
“I think we will discuss it later when you are feeling a little refreshed.”
“I want to know now.”
“My dear Kate, it is I who make the rules here. Haven’t you learned that yet?”
“What am I supposed to be … a sort of slave?”
“A very favoured slave.”
I was silent, still trying to convince myself that I was not dreaming.
His voice was gentle in my ear.
“Try to be calm, Kate. Accept this.
You and I have been lovers all through this night. “
“Lovers! You are not a lover of mine and never will be.”
“Well, just say that last night you became my mistress. That’s rather important.”
I felt weak suddenly and very frightened. It seemed that my life had taken an abrupt turn into an entirely different world.
“Sleep, dear Kate,” he said soothingly and he gathered me up in his arms as though I were a baby.
I must have slept, for when I awoke it was morning. My head had cleared and I sat up in bed and looked about me. I was alone. I realized that I was naked and when I saw the bars across the windows, the monstrous happenings of the previous night came flooding back to me.
I looked about the room. It was like a part of the castle-large, with a high vaulted roof supported by strong stone pillars. There was a great fireplace and the embers there showed that there had been a fire last night. The bed was large and had velvet curtains about it and there were carpets on the floor. In spite of this it was like a medieval stronghold.
I had undergone a change. I felt bruised and unclean. I had to face the truth. He had brought me up here; he had taken off my clothes, put me into this bed and committed rape.
I put my hands over my face as the hot flush spread there. Nothing would ever be the same again. Since I had come to France everything had changed. The cosy world ofFarring-don was slipping away from me and I had been plunged into intrigue . and rape . the sort of thing that had happened centuries ago.
And there was one man who was responsible for this. I could not get his face out of my mind. I realized I had been seeing it ever since I had left the castle. I had seen it in the gargoyles of Notre Dame. I had seen it in my dreams. I wondered briefly if he had some supernatural power-a gift passed on from those pirate forebears.
I had to be calm. I had to consider the position in which I found myself. I think I had always known that he had desired me. There was something in the way he had looked at me right from the beginning. I should have been warned, for when he desired a woman he thought he had the right to take her, whether she was willing or not. That was what the marauding Normans had done, and he lived up to the old traditions.
I should never feel the same again. I should never feel clean. He had defiled me and gloried in it. He thought that because he had humiliated me, he had made me his slave.
I had to get out of here quickly. Then I would think about revenge.
Nowadays no man should be allowed to act as he had done. It was all very well to make love to a woman if she consented. But to snare a virtuous woman and drug her and then take advantage of the situation, that was the way cowards and demons worked.
My hatred was so intense that I was shaking. I must get out of here.
That was the first thing. I would go down to the woman who had given me the wine. I would tell her that I was going to the police.
Could I? How? I imagined he controlled most things round here. He would say: “She spent the night with me willingly …” For he was capable of anything. Lies would be second nature to him.
I would dress immediately.
I stepped out of bed. I looked at the pillow still indented where his head had been. I punched it in sudden fury and was then ashamed of my childish gesture. It was an act of petulant folly and in spite of what happened I prided myself on being a sensible woman.
I had been betrayed. I had been raped. My attacker had been the one man in the world whom I hated most. But it was done. I had been violated. My body . my mind . my freedom to act had been taken into his control. I had been forced.
But now . the first thing was to get out of this place.
I looked for my clothes. I could not find them. They were all gone . my shoes . everything.
There was a counterpane on the bed and I wrapped this round me. Then I set out to explore. To my momentary delight the door was not locked. I was on a kind of landing and before me was a small flight of stone stairs the usual spiral kind cut out of the wall, wide at one end and narrowing by the post. I saw that there was one room in which there were toilet facilities. I caught sight of a mirror on a table and a wash basin and ewer. There were cupboards. I thought my clothes might be in one of them, so I opened them all. There were towels and such things, but no clothes.
I saw that there was another room. In this were a table and chairs. It might have been a dining-room. But there were no clothes.
Cautiously I descended the stairs. A big door was facing me. It had iron studs in it and looked very strong. I tried to open it. It was locked.
I looked about me. Barred windows everywhere, a heavy locked door, and no clothes. I was indeed the prisoner of the Baron’s pleasure.
I was suddenly frantic. My resolutions to be calm slipped away from me.
How long would he keep me here? Would he come again? I would refuse to drink more wine. Perhaps he would not care. He could easily overpower me. I had been aware of his immense strength last night.
Locked up here . within these stone walls with barred windows I should not have a chance.
I started to hammer on the door. Then I sat down on the stone step and gave way to my despair.