I know my father will help but it will be a great shock for him. He has had one shock. His eyes . you know. “
“Yes, I do know.” She leaned towards me and touched my hand briefly.
“Will you … let me be your friend?”
I looked at her in astonishment.
“It is difficult for me to say all I feel,” she went on.
“You probably regard me as little more than a stranger. I don’t feel we are. You know a good deal about me. I know of you. And we both know the Baron . intimately.”
“Please, I don’t want to talk about that wretched experience.”
“I understand. Listen. I am alone here. You are in this situation.
Please let me help you? “
“How could you?”
“To begin with I could talk to you. It is always a good idea to discuss these matters, to consider what is the best way of tackling them. I know Paris very well. I would know where you could go to have your baby. I have this house. It is large. I don’t use it all. I have thought of letting part of it. At night it seems so quiet here.
Sometimes I give parties. I Lave many acquaintances . people I knew in the past. but very few real friends. I am putting a proposition to you. I know I can help you. Take some rooms in this house. Make one your studio. You need quarters in Paris. You want people to come to you to be painted. You don’t want to go to their houses just when they call you. You have to set yourself up as a great artist . act like a great artist . live like one. Now this would be a good address for you. We are on the Left Bank. that is where the intellectual people are gathering . clerics, professors, students, artists are here . I am talking too much. “
“Of course you are not. Please go on. It is so kind of you. I could see no way out of my problem … I don’t know why you take so much trouble about me.”
She was silent for a moment, then she said.
“In a way we are both .. victims. No, I mustn’t say that. It’s not true.”
“You mean of the Baron de Centeville.”
“It is not fair to say that I am a victim. I’ll explain all that to you some time, but now let us think of you. I realize this is all very sudden and you want time to think about it. But really, Kate … May I call you Kate? … I think we are going to be good friends. You have a great deal of planning to do and the sooner you begin the better.”
“You talk as though everything is so simple.”
“I wouldn’t say that, but most things are not as difficult as one first thought if they are approached in a sensible and realistic way.”
“But I am going to have a child!"
“I always longed for children,” she said.
“I could envy you.”
“This child will be the result of something I want more than anything to forget. If only I could go back in time. If only I had gone straight home instead of making that journey …”
Again she touched my hand.
“Don’t think back. Think forward.”
I contemplated her earnest face. I was a little unsure as I must be of anything connected with the Baron, and I reminded myself that she had been his mistress and probably his confidante. How could I be sure that this was not some fresh plot?
She understood the trend of my thoughts.
“You’ll want to consider this very carefully,” she said.
“Go back now. The concierge will get a cab for you. You have my address. Think about everything. There is an attic right on the rooftops with plenty of glass. It was built for an artist. I will help you … having the child. I can put you in touch with the people you will need. You can make this your home, and let me tell you that in this part of Paris you are not expected to live the conventional life that you would be in the Faubourg Saint-Honore. You could work here. Your patrons could come to be painted. It is a proposition. But I do understand that you will need time to decide.”
“It is very grand,” I said.
“Should I be able to afford it?”
“My dear Kate, you need to be grand to show how successful you are, and if you are successful you will be able to afford it. Come. You need to contemplate all this. Such decisions should not be made lightly.”
“I have a great deal of thinking to do, I know.”
She nodded in agreement.
“Go now,” she said.
“You have my address. You know where to find me.”
“But how can I thank you.”
She saw me into the cab.
“Remember,” she said.
“You are not alone … unless you want to be. I will be your friend if you want me. It is for you to decide.”
That encounter changed everything. I could see before me an avenue of escape, however bizarre it seemed. I occupied myself during the next few days thinking about it. It was a mercy that while I worked I was able to shut out everything else but the portrait.
The more I thought of Nicole’s suggestion, the more possible it appeared. It seemed the only possibility. I went to see Nicole again.
She was delighted that I had come and I fancied that my predicament had given her a new interest in life which she badly needed at this time. True, I was a little suspicious. Surely anyone who had been treated as I had would be. This was chiefly because of her past connection with the Baron. Everyone who had been near to him could be polluted.
On my second visit, she said: “I want you to come, Kate. I want to help you. I’m feeling very lonely .. lately.”
“Because of… him?”
“I was with him for eight years. It’s a long time. You don’t speak. I can see that you do not understand.”
“I understand perfectly. We were both used by him. You happened to agree and I did not.”
“Yes, I suppose you could say that. But don’t waste your sympathy on me. I knew this would happen eventually. He would marry and that would be the time for me to disappear. It was understood from the first.”
“Do you mean it was a sort of contract?”
“Not in the usual understanding of such a term. My mother was … well, not exactly a courtesan. Shall we say a demimondaine She was the mistress of a great nobleman. He provided for her and looked after her when her services were no longer required. It was a life she was bred to. So was I. I was married when I was seventeen to Jacques St. Giles.
He was a respectable young man who worked in one of our banks. We lived together for a year, but it was never meant to last. My mother wanted me to marry. I would then have a right to call myself Madame which, she always said, gentlemen preferred to Mademoiselle. A young girl could make demands which a married woman could not so marriage made the situation so much more comfortable. “
“It all seems rather cynical.”
“Call it realistic. Then I was introduced to the Baron by my mother, who hoped that I would please him. I did. I had been well educated, brought up to appreciate art and to be what is called a cultivated woman. I was taught how to carry myself, how to dress, how to converse with grace. That was the theme of my education … to please. Well, it is what I did. And here I am. Thirty years of age, with my own house and a comfortable settlement. I need never work again as long as I live. You might say I was brought up in a rewarding profession, one which brings good returns and security. Better, I was always taught, than becoming a drudge and mother of many children. Do you understand?”
“I still think it very mercenary and, I must confess, immoral.”
“Oh, you will never understand. I don’t suppose this sort of thing would happen in England. It’s part of French life the life of the demimondaine I was born into it. I found a generous lover … and here I am. I see you are more than a little shocked. Please don’t be and don’t be sorry for me. It was a very pleasant life.”