“With that man!”
“Let me tell you I became quite fond of him. I began to learn something about him.”
“And that made you fond of him?”
“It made me see why he was the man he was.”
“And you could really be fond of such a man?”
“Kate, what he did to you was unforgivable. Don’t think I
don’t realize that. If it had happened to me . and I had been like you . I should have felt the same. “
“It was monstrous,” I said fiercely.
“It is treating people about him as though they are of no importance beyond the use they can be to him.
It is picking them up . exploiting them . and then throwing them aside. “
“I know. It was his upbringing. His father and his grandfather were like that. He was brought up to believe that that was the way men such as they were behaved.”
“It is time someone taught them differently.”
“No one will ever do that. You see how it is now. A word from the Baron and-everyone acclaims you. He has power … even in these days he has it.”
“You mean money! Position!”
“Yes, but more than that. It is something in his personality. If you could understand you would realize why he is the way he is.”
“I don’t care why. It is because he is that way that he maddens me. He should be punished, taken to law.”
“Would you be prepared to go to law, to accuse him of rape? Would you stand up in a court? Think of the questions they would ask. Why did you not complain at the time? That is what they would ask. You would hurt yourself more than you could hurt him. Be practical. Don’t go on brooding on what has happened. Think of what you are going to do now.”
I said: “I shall soon have finished Francoise’s portrait. There is to be a ball. The miniatures will be shown there.”
“What the Baron does today the world does tomorrow. Madame Dupont is slavishly copying the style he sets. Never mind. It’s all to the good.
It may well bring in fresh business. From that ball I’ll swear you get two more definite commissions at least and perhaps many more. “
“After that I leave for the house of Monsieur Villefranche for his wife’s picture.”
“And then?”
“I should go home and see my father.”
“And tell him?”
“I don’t know whether I could do that. Perhaps when I come face to face with him I shall know whether or not I can tell him.”
“And if you could not?”
I turned to her.
“You have been so kind to me... so helpful.”
“I hope I shall be your friend.”
“I can tell you that since our meeting I have felt so much better. You have made me realize that I have to stop looking back. I have to plan.
I am afraid I shall hate this child. “
She shook her head.
“Women like you never hate their children. As soon as this baby arrives you will love it and forget the way it came.”
“If it should look like him …”
“I will make a wager. You will love this child more because of the problems of its birth.”
“You are a very worldly woman, Nicole,” I said.
She smiled at me and said softly: “It is the best way to survive.”
Madame Dupont gave her ball, which was to launch Emilie into society.
There were many guests and I was treated with great respect. My work was admired and Nicole was right. Two people gave me definite invitations to visit their houses and paint portraits.
I was effusively complimented on the miniatures. Madame Dupont had had them set in frames embellished with diamonds and rubies. She could hardly copy the Baron so blatantly as to choose sapphires, but I felt sure she would have liked to.
However, it was very satisfactory and I could see that I was really being projected into a successful career.
How gratifying it would have been but for the part the
Baron had played in my life. if only I had never met him! But then all this would not have happened if I had not.
I was meeting Nicole regularly and getting to like her more and more.
She was frank about herself. She told me she was lonely and wanted friendship. Perhaps she felt a little resentful about being cast off by the Baron (although she always insisted that he was not to blame and that the position had been understood from the first), perhaps she felt that we who had both known him would understand each other; however, the friendship between us nourished, and the more I thought of her proposition the more it seemed that it was the only road open to me.
I left the Duponts and went to the Villefranche house. Madame Villefranche was a pretty little woman with a happy temperament and very contented with her lot. She gave me little difficulty and I was able to produce a very beautiful picture other.
I was feeling more calm now and no longer awoke in a cloud of horror.
Nicole had convinced me that with a little careful planning, I could come through the ordeal which lay before me. Moreover, I was beginning to feel something for the child, and I realized that if I were to discover it were all a mistake after all, my feelings would be very mixed.
Nicole was right. I should love the child when it came, and the thought of its coming gave me a strange sense of fulfilment.
By the time I had finished the Villefranche portrait I had made up my mind that I would go to see my father immediately. I would stay at home for a week and then come back to carry out my next commission.
During that time I would definitely decide what I was going to do.
Nicole said that was a wise procedure.
It was the beginning of October when I went back. I felt emotional as the train carried me across the Kentish country. I noticed that the hops had been gathered in. They would be storing them in the oast houses scattered across this part of the country; and now was the time for the fruit to be gathered in.
Ladders were propped against the trees and rosy apples and russety pears were being packed into baskets.
Home! I thought. I shall miss it. But it is not so very far away. I can come back sometimes. Nicole will think of something.
So much would depend on what happened within the next week. If I could bring myself to tell my father, he might have some plan. Perhaps he and I could go away together. No, that would not do. Besides, how could we live? I knew he had saved enough to live on in a modest way, but that would not include travelling and how could he live away from Collison House, and how could I live there with my child? It would be in the minds of everyone in the village even if they were kind as I knew my friends would be that my child was a bastard.
A warm welcome was awaiting me. How comfortable it was! More homely than in Evie’s day. A little untidy perhaps, but I could only repeat myself homely. That was Clare’s influence.
She came out with my father when I arrived and they both hugged me tightly.
“It is wonderful to see you,” said my father, and Clare echoed:
“Wonderful, wonderful. Your room is all ready. I have made sure the bed has had a good airing.”
“Clare is always fussing about airing.” said my father fondly.
“She coddles us, in fact.”
Clare tried to look severe, which was impossible.
“It is something I insist on,” she said.
I felt more grateful to her than ever. Having someone like Clare to look after everything at Collison House made my decision so much easier.
My father wanted to know all that had happened. I told him about the portraits I had done and the new commissions I had. , He was completely delighted.
“Splendid! Splendid!” he cried.
“It’s like a miracle. Who would have thought on the day we received that letter from France all this would grow out of it.”
Who indeed? I thought. And if only he knew what had grown out of it!