There was pitifully little to see in the shops. Quite a lot of the produce sold in Paris came from the surrounding villages. We had often heard them trundling in in the early hours of the morning on the way to Les Halles. They had come from all directions. Now no one came into Paris and no one went out.
The days had settled into a routine which seemed particularly quiet.
It was an ominous monotony because nothing stays still for long in a siege.
The Baron was regaining his strength. His leg was still in a sorry state but his constitution was just about as strong as a man’s could be and he was fast recovering from the shock and loss of blood.
Now he could sit up. I propped his leg up with pillows and I found a stick which he could use when he hobbled about. But even the shortest walk was such an effort at first that he would collapse exhausted after a few minutes.
It was strange to see him stripped of that strength which had been so much a part of him.
“You’re like Samson,” I told him, ‘shorn of his locks. “
“Remember,” he said, ‘his hair grew again. “
“Yes. And you will regain your strength.”
“And be a cripple?”
“You’re fortunate. It could have been worse.”
“It might have been better too,” he added ironically.
“You are thinking that if I had not stubbornly refused to leave Paris when you first asked, this would not have happened to you. Nicole would be here …” My voice broke and he said: “We all make mistakes sometimes.”
“Even you,” I said, with a flash of the old enmity.
“Yes,” he said, ‘alas, even I. “
Our relationship had changed. That was inevitable. He was the patient; I was the nurse; and we were living in a situation charged with danger. We did not know from one moment to the next when death would come to claim us.
My great hope was that I should not be left and that if death came it would take me and not Kendal or the Baron. I used to lie awake and think: If I were taken he would look after Kendal. He cares for him.
He saved his life. I should hate to think of my son’s being brought up to be such another as he is, but he would save him and he loves him.
So please God, don’t take them and leave me.
There were no servants now. They had left before Nicole died. Some of them had had the wisdom to get out of the city. They were country girls who had homes to go to. So there were just myself, Kendal, the Baron and Jeanne. The concierge and his wife were in their apartments, but they kept very much to themselves.
I spent a great deal of time with the Baron. When I came into the room where he lay I noticed the pleasure which showed in his eyes.
Sometimes he said: “You’ve been a long time.”
Then I would reply: “You don’t need constant care now. You’re getting better. I have other things to do, you know.”
I spoke to him like that, with a touch of asperity just as I used to.
I don’t think he wanted it to change and nor did I. “Sit down there,” he would say.
“Talk to me. Tell me what the madmen are doing now.”
Then I would tell him what I had learned of the war, that the Prussians were surrounding Paris and even penetrating the north of the country.
“They’ll take the towns,” he said.
“They won’t bother about places like Centeville.”
Then I told him goods had almost disappeared from the shops and it was going to be difficult to feed ourselves if it went on like this.
“And you have saddled yourself with another mouth to feed.”
“I owe you that,” I said, ‘and I like to pay my debts. “
“So the balance has changed. You are on the debit side now.”
“No,” I replied.
“But you saved my son’s life and for that I will look after you until you are well enough to stand on your own feet.”
He tried to take my hand but I withdrew it.
“And that other little misdemeanour?” he asked.
“That act of savagery? No, that is still outstanding.”
“I will try to earn a remission of my sins,” he said humbly. That was how our conversation was-much as it had always been, although now and then a light and bantering note would break in.
He was getting better. The leg was healing and he could spend longer walking about the house without exhausting himself. But in the afternoons I used to insist on his resting while I took Kendal out for a walk, leaving Jeanne in charge. He was always watching the door for my return.
“I wish you wouldn’t take those afternoon rambles,” he said.
“We have to go out sometimes. I never go far from the house.”
“I am in a state of anxiety until you return and that is not good for me. Every nurse worthy of the name knows that patients should not be subjected to anxiety. It impedes recovery.”
“I’m sorry you don’t think I’m worthy to be a nurse.”
“Kate,” he said, ‘come and sit down. I think you are worthy to be anything you want to be. I’m going to tell you something extraordinary. Do you know . here I am incapacitated, probably about to be crippled for life, in a besieged city, lying in a room with death looking in at the window, now knowing from one moment to the next what dire tragedy will descend on me . and I’m happy. I think I am happier than I have ever been in my life. “
“Then yours must have been a very wretched existence.”
“Not wretched … worthless. That’s it.”
“And you think this is worthwhile … lying here … recuperating . doing nothing but eating when we can get something to eat… and talking to me.”
“That’s just the point. It’s talking to you … having you near .. watching over me like a guardian angel … not allowing me to stay up too long … bringing my gruel … this is the strangest thing that has ever happened to me.”
“Such situations have not been frequent in my life either.”
“Kate, it means something.”
“Oh?”
“That I’m happy… happier than I’ve ever been… being here with you.”
“If you were well enough,” I reminded him, ‘you would get yourself a horse and be out of the city in an hour. “
“It would take a little longer than that. And there won’t be any horses left soon. They’ll be eating them.”
I shivered.
“They have to eat something,” he went on.
“But what were we saying?
I’d be out of this city with you and the boy. and we should take Jeanne, of course. But these days . there has been something very precious about them for me. “
“Well, you have realized that you’ll be able to walk again one day.”
“Dragging one foot behind me, perhaps.”
“Better that than not walking at all.”
“I know all this and yet it’s the happiest time of my life. How can you explain that?”
“I don’t think it needs an explanation because it’s not true. The happiest times of your life were when you were triumphing over your enemies.”
“My enemy now is the pain in this accursed leg.”
“And you are triumphing over that,” I said.
“Then why am I so contented with life?”
“Because you believe you are the great man and that no harm can possibly come to you. The gods of your Norse ancestors are seeing to that. If anyone attempted to harm you, old Thor would flash his thunder at them or throw his hammer and if that couldn’t save you Odin, the All-Father, would say, ” Here comes one of our chosen heroes.
Let’s warm up Valhalla for him. “
“Do you know, Kate, you are so often right that I cease to marvel every time you display your understanding.”