It seemed that I was in a hopeless situation, and I saw it more clearly since I had come to the castle.
The Baron wanted his son. I believed that if he were free he would attempt to make me marry him. I should, of course, refuse; but he would attempt to bring it about. He always got what he wanted and now he wanted Kendal.
Two doctors came to the castle to look at the Baron’s leg.
While they were there he insisted that all of us-Kendal, Jeanne and myself-should be examined to make sure that the months of famine had not impaired our health. We were assured that we had come through without harm but that we needed good nourishing food to make us really healthy again.
That was true, I knew; and it was a great joy to see the change in Kendal every day.
I walked often during those days a little at first and gradually increasing the distance. I used to wander down to the edge of the moat and sit there remembering the day when he had come behind me and seen what I was sketching.
Now he found me there, and we sat in silence, looking at the water.
Then he said: “We came through, Kate. There were times when I thought we should never get out of that house.”
“I thought you always believed we would.”
“It was just the occasional doubt. The boy is recovering fast… faster than any of us.”
“He’s young.”
“He’s a de Centeville.”
“Also a Collison.”
“Divine combination.”
“We can’t stay here,” I said.
“You’re going to the Loge. Have you seen it yet? I’ll take you over it.”
“Now?”
“In a little while. Let’s sit here and talk first. Kate, what are we going to do, you and I?”
“I am going to the Loge and I shall return to Paris as soon as everything is normal.”
He laughed.
“How long is Paris going to take to recover, do you think?
There is rioting in the streets now. They are setting fire to some of the buildings there, I hear. How long do you think it is going to take France to recover? “
“Perhaps I should go back to England. I might set up a studio in London.”
“I want you to stay here.”
“Here! In the castle!”
“No … somewhere not too far away. I’ll find a place. I shall be with you … most of the time.”
“You mean I should become your mistress?”
“You could call it that.”
“Isn’t that what it would be called? The answer is no.”
“Why not? I want to keep the boy. I thought of legitimizing him... making him my heir. “
“But you have an heir. You have William.”
“You know that he is not mine.”
“He is in the eyes of the law.”
“I don’t accept that sort of law.”
“Unfortunately for you, the rest of the world does.”
“You know how it is with this marriage of mine.”
“You should try to understand the Princesse. You could grow fond other if you made an effort to do so. I know her. I worked on her portrait.
It is surprising how one gets to know people whose portraits one paints. “
“I know this: I don’t want to be with her… to see her … She has foisted that bastard on me. It is the worst thing she could have done to me.”
“See it her way. You understand these sudden impulses. Why should it be accepted that a man may indulge his and it is so dreadful when a woman does?”
“Because of the results when a woman does.”
“There may well be results, which should concern the men.”
“I did concern myself.”
“I know. You sent Nicole to discover what was happening to me and when you knew I was to have a child you set up that elaborate establishment.”
“You see, I cared. I made sure that you had the clients you would need. I satisfied myself that you were in good hands. I did everything I could.”
“Except that which you should never have done in the first place.”
“Are you going to hold that against me all our lives?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Well, you will have to be with me to show me your resentment.”
“I have no help for it at the moment. I know it sounds ungrateful, but in view of everything, you must understand. I would not be here if it were not for the boy.”
“I know. Every time it is the boy.”
“And would you want me here if you did not have to have me to get Kendal?”
“That’s where you are wrong. If there were no child, I should want you just as much. Kate, be sensible. You know I want you … you only.
More than I want the boy, I want you. We could get more boys like Kendal. You did something to me. “
“I am glad there was some retaliation.”
“I feel vital when I am with you.”
“I thought you felt magnificent all the time … as the greatest man the world has ever known.”
“Well, that’s just a natural feeling. There is something special in it when I am with you. I want you and the boy. I would to God my wife would go to sleep one afternoon and never wake up. Then we would be married, Kate. I would convince you then.”
“Don’t dare say such things … in my hearing,” I cried.
“Other people have their lives, you know. We are not all on Earth to serve your needs. You used me for revenge … the pettiest revenge. You married the Princesse that your children might have that French royal blood which seemed so important to you … once. Now, you no longer feel that it is necessary. France is a republic now. A bos la noblesse. Therefore let us remove the Princesse.”
“I did not say I would remove her. I said I do not love her. I have never loved her. She irritates me and I loathe being near her. I wish she would die in her sleep. She is always complaining about her ill health. She does not seem to take much pleasure in life so perhaps she would not care greatly if she left it and ceased to be an inconvenience. At least I am truthful. I doubt whether I am the first husband with an unwanted wife who has felt the wish-even if he has not expressed it that she will pass gently out of his life. And as I married her, and she is a Catholic and royal, she would need a dispensation to annul her marriage, and I am sure she would never agree to that. It is only human nature that I should wish her gently to pass away. There. I am honest.”
I turned to him.
“You alarm me when you talk like that He took my hand and kissed it.
I went on: “You seem to get what you want… always.”
“Yes, Kate, so I do. And one of these days I’ll have you and the boy . and all the others we shall have. We were meant for each other. Your spirit. your independence . your lovely dark-red hair . I think of them all the time. I shall have no peace until we are together as once we were for three nights . remember. One day we shall be together again. Don’t tempt me too far, Kate. “
I said: “I see I must leave the castle.”
“You will be in the Loge close by.”
“You make it very difficult for me. I don’t see where I can turn. I know I ought to go away though … right away.”
“And take the boy? Submit him to … what? He needs care. He needs peace of mind. The sort of life he had to lead in Paris has its effect on a child’s mind. I won’t have him taken away from here.”
“You couldn’t stop me if I wanted to take him. You have no claim.”
“As his father …”
“Your part in his conception was minimal. The sort of chance encounter. There are many such. I can never understand why it is thought that a father should have a claim to compare with that of a mother. That child has grown in me … he has been my life from the moment I was aware of his existence. Don’t talk to me about claims.”
“Fiery Kate. Beloved Kate. Every moment you convince me that I cannot live without you.”
“What has the doctor said about your leg?” I asked.