“Nothing can be done. It needed attention at the time. I’ve lost some of the bone. I shall limp for the rest of my days.”
“And the pain?”
He shrugged his shoulders.
“Sometimes it’s there. Not as it was. Now it’s merely an irritating nagging. It is worse when I’m angry and when the weather is cold.”
“You can’t change one,” I said, ‘but you can the other. So . don’t get angry. “
“Take care of me then… as you did in that house… only differently. Let’s be lovers as we were before … only differently again. Let us be the tender passionate lovers which we could be, you know.”
“Let us go and look at the Loge,” I said.
He rose obediently and we walked round the moat.
The Loge was there nestling under the shadow of the castle . growing out from its walls, as it were.
“It was added on several hundred years after the castle was built,” he said.
“Some time in the eighteenth century, I believe. One of my ancestors built it for his mistress. Afterwards it was used by some of the servants. I don’t think it has been inhabited for some years now.”
He led me in. There was a big room with a great fireplace and a flagged stone floor. There were some pieces of furniture in the hall an oak settle, a long table and some chairs.
“You could make it cosy,” he said.
“There is a fairly large kitchen and several bedrooms. Remember it is just a port in a storm.
I turned to him.
“It’s really good of you,” I said.
“I’m afraid you think I’m rather churlish at times. I know I owe you a great deal .. “
“But nothing will ever settle the score, will it? Perhaps in twenty years’ time, when you and I are no longer young and I have shown you a lifetime of devotion and that with you and the boy, and the other children we shall have, I can be quite different from that savage you once knew when you recognize in me the only husband you could possibly love, then we shall call it quits. Do you think so?”
I turned away from him, but he was beside me.
“Do you, Kate?” he insisted.
“You speak of the impossible.”
“It might not always be impossible,” he replied.
I was to remember that. later.
I was growing more apprehensive. The more I returned to what I called normal, the more I realized the difficulties of the situation into which I had fallen. There was one great recompense and that was Kendal. In less than a week he had started to put on flesh; he had regained his normal vitality; he was a healthy, happy boy. That he loved the castle and this new life was undeniable. He was growing more and more fond of the Baron I was beginning to call him Rollo to myself now. Kendal was not in the least in awe of him and I don’t think Rollo had ever had that sort of regard before. He spent a lot of time with the boy.
It was only the third day after our return when he told Kendal that he wanted to show him something rather special in the stables; and when they had gone down there together a white pony, such as he had described on Christmas Day, was waiting.
Kendal came in to tell me about it, cheeks scarlet and eyes glowing.
“There it was, Maman … There it was … just like the Baron said . and it’s mine.”
After that he had to learn to ride. Sometimes Rollo took him out and they would ride round the greensward by the moat. Sometimes one of the grooms took him.
The next day Jeanne came to me, her eyes glowing with wonder.
“Look what the Baron has given me,” she said.
“Do you remember the Christmas presents we talked of? Well, here is the brooch .. just as he described it. He said I had been so good, looking after you all …”
She turned away, her eyes filling with tears. She was delighted with the brooch. She had never had anything approaching its value before.
Being a practical Frenchwoman she would see it as a nest-egg, but it would have a sentimental value for her as well.
Kendal was overjoyed when he saw it. He kept talking about it and when I went down to the moat I saw him on his leading rein with Rollo beside him.
He shouted to me: “Watch, Maman. Watch me. Baron, please … don’t hold the reins.”
He was allowed to trot on his own.
“He’s going to be a fine horseman,” said Rollo.
I stood there looking at my son, his eyes sparkling, his cheeks flushed with health, laughing proudly, watching us to make sure we were admiring him.
He came back to us.
“Jeanne has a brooch,” he said.
“It’s her Christmas present come true.”
Then he laughed suddenly and took my hand. He was looking for the sapphire ring which Rollo had described.
He was disappointed. I said: “Well, aren’t you going to trot again?”
But Rollo would not let it pass.
“You are looking for the ring,” he said.
“Maman is the only one who has not got her present.”
“Hers is not ready yet,” said Rollo.
“When will it be ready?” demanded Kendal.
“She ought to have it, oughtn’t she?”
“Yes,” said Rollo, ‘she ought to have it. “
“But when … ?”
Rollo looked steadily at me.
“When?” he repeated.
“We can’t all have presents,” I said.
“You are lucky to have this lovely pony, and Jeanne is lucky too.”
"You ought to be lucky, Maman. “
“I’ll tell you something,” said Rollo to Kendal.
“She will have that ring one day.”
He was looking at me steadily with that burning gaze which reminded me of that long-ago bedroom . I felt excitement rising within me.
My feelings for this man were beginning to be beyond my comprehension.
Marie-Claude was showing a great interest in me. She wondered, naturally, how I should have come to be with her husband in Paris. She could not quite accept the account of the chance meeting during the bombardment when he had saved Kendal’s life.
She had changed in some ways from that young girl who had blithely gone off with her lover at the fete champetre and conducted an intrigue with him. Then she had been reckless and impuslive. Now she had become a nervous and apprehensive woman.
She was far from displeased that I had come to the chateau and had no wish for me to leave and go to the Loge. I think, strangely enough, I offered some comfort to her.
Then there was William. Poor little William! My heart went out to him from the moment I met him. Poor child, he must have been unwanted before he actually made his appearance. I wondered what Marie-Claude’s feelings must have been when she knew that she was pregnant and she would not be able to hide the fact that the child was not his from the husband who terrified her.
I believed that she had resented being forced into marriage and that in a spirit of rebellion she had taken a lover. She was a sad shadow of the defiant girl she had been. The birth of William had nearly killed her, I discovered.
As for William, he was a small frightened child. I felt indignant both with Rollo and Marie-Claude when I considered the child. Whatever his disillusion and her defiance, they had no right to let the child suffer for it.
Ignored by his parents, he was constantly trying to assert himself. I understood why he did this, but those about him seemed to have made up their minds that he was simply an unpleasant little boy. He was, of course, greatly interested in Kendal. My son had been wrapped about with love ever since his birth. I must have conveyed to him that he was the most important part of my life; Nicole had loved him; Jeanne, though firm and never failing to correct his faults, was devoted to him. And now Rollo showed him a very special attention. He was built up in security. It had been just the opposite with William.
His parents had not wanted to be bothered with him; whenever he saw his mother she seemed preoccupied with something else and he was told that he must not stay with her too long because of the effect he had on her nerves. He told me this when I had gained his confidence. As for his father, he did not seem to be aware of him.