“Well, she wanted to talk about them. I understand that. She wanted to pour out her troubles. Of course, that’s not the real trouble, is it?
There’s something deeper than that. I don’t think she is very happy . with her Baron. “
“You are a student of human nature, Clare.”
“Perhaps. You see, I like people. I care about them. I like to know why they act as they do. If I can, I like to do something for them.”
“Well, you did something for her this afternoon. I have rarely seen her so animated. She really took to you.”
“I shall visit her if she wants me to, and if she will talk to me and there is anything I can do to help her … I’ll be glad.”
Yes, I thought, Clare loves people. She makes their troubles her own.
That must be why we all like her so much.
I was glad she had come and her coming had brought me the solution which I had been looking for. It was true that at times I wanted to reject it. Clare’s coming had made me realize how very much I wanted to stay here and the reason for that was that I was exhilarated, stimulated and roused often to anger but always excitingly by the Baron. Her coming and the possibility of returning to England with her, of saying goodbye to him forever, had made me face the truth. I should find life desolate without him.
A few days later Rollo came into the room where I was working on the manuscript.
He shut the door and stood leaning against it, smiling at me. I could not stop my heart beating a little faster as it was apt to do when he appeared suddenly.
“I have come to see how the manuscripts are progressing,” he said.
“Quite well in the circumstances. I am leaving this one. I shall never get that shade of red which was used at the time. I do need it.”
He came and leaned over me, kissing the back of my neck. I turned sharply and, standing, faced him. He took me by the shoulders and held me against him.
“Oh, Kate,” he said, ‘this is the most absurd situation.
You’re here. I’m here . and we have to keep up this ridiculous pretence. “
“Pretence of what?”
“That we don’t want to be with each other … that we don’t realize we were meant for each other and no one else is of the slightest interest to us.”
“What a lot of nonsense. I find other people of interest to me.”
“I mean in this particular way.”
“Well, I am coming to a decision. I have been making plans. Ever since Clare came I have been thinking of going away.”
“No!”
“Yes, I shall go soon.”
“I shall not allow it.”
“How will you try to stop it? Put me in a turret and keep me there as your prisoner?”
“Don’t tempt me,” he said.
“You did that once, but you could not do it again.”
“I shall not let you go,” he said firmly.
“You can be sure of that.”
“Let us be sensible. Your life is here. Mine is not.”
“You have been happy … comfortable since we came from Paris.”
“You and the Princesse have been kind and most hospitable.”
“You belong here, Kate. You belong to me.”
“I have no intention of belonging to anyone but myself.”
“I believe that you have given yourself to me. That’s what I meant.”
“Given myself! It was you who took me … against my will.”
“Will you always hold that lapse against me? It is different now.”
“You humiliated me doubly. First by forcing me to submit to your lust and secondly because it was not desire for me that prompted you, but revenge.”
“Ah, I understand so much. It was the second part that angers you. It wouldn’t be like that next time. It would be you … and you only that I was thinking of.”
“Oh, please stop this talk. You make me realize that I should go without delay, as I have been planning.”
“What is that?”
“Go back to England.”
“How would you live? Where would you live?”
“There is an answer to that now. I should go back with Clare to the house where I was born. It is hers now but she has said that it shall be my home for as long as I want it.”
“And what clients would you have there?”
“I could restore manuscripts like this. I could paint miniatures. I am my father’s daughter and many people would want me for that reason.”
“Is Clare rich enough to support you and the boy?”
“No.”
“Then would you not be taking a risk?”
“No. My father had a collection of miniatures. They represent a small fortune and they are mine. They are worth enough to keep me going for years .. ill sold them.”
“And you would sell the family heirlooms?”
“Yes, ill needed the money to live. I could sell them one by one until I could earn enough money. Ill became rich, who knows? in time I might buy them back again.”
He was really shaken. He had always stressed the fact that I must stay here because I had to keep myself and Kendal. Now he saw that there was a way out and he did not like it at all.
“You have told me something about the village. What will they say if you, an unmarried woman, turn up there with a child?”
“Clare has told them that I married and kept my name Collison for professional reasons. Clare thinks of everything. “
“I am beginning to wish she had never come here. Kate, you wouldn’t go. You wouldn’t leave me. You couldn’t. I’d come to England after you. I assure you, I am not going to rest until you and I are lovers again.”
“Again!” I cried.
“We never were.”
“Why don’t we go away from here? Why don’t we have our own house?”
“Like you and Nicole?”
“No, different from that. Nicole and I did not set up house together.”
“You just blatantly announced that she was your maitres se en litre, is that so?”
He did not answer. Then he said: “I love you, Kate. If I were free... ”
“You are not free,” I said quickly.
“You went into this marriage willingly after you had forced yourself on me and given me the child.
Don’t think I regret having him. He makes everything I went through worthwhile. But you didn’t care. Now you are married to the Princesse and I want a good life for Kendal. I don’t think he would have that as son of the Baron’s mistress . the illegitimate son of the Baron.
Your place is here with the Princesse. She is your wife. Don’t forget you are married. As for myself, I shall go back to England. “
“If I could offer you marriage,” he said quietly, ‘what then? To be together. to claim the boy as my own . Oh, Kate, I never wanted anything in my life as much as that. “
“I think you have learned something,” I told him.
“You were always under the impression that you only had to take what you wanted. You forgot there were other people in the world … You forgot that they too might have feelings … desires … Their lives meant nothing to you. They were just there to be used as best suited you. Now you know that other people want to live their lives the way they choose.. not the way you choose for them. I want a settled life for my son. He is my son. you resigned all claim to him when you married the Princesse and didn’t mind what happened to him.”
“That’s not true. I cared very much what happened to him … and to you.”
“You sent your mistress to look after us.”
“Wasn’t that caring?”
“You didn’t come yourself. You delegated another. It was only when you saw the boy and took a fancy to him that you came back into our lives.
Do you think I don’t understand you? You are selfish and arrogant. You suffer acutely from a disease called megalomania. Now you will have to realize that there are other people in the world whose lives mean as much so them as yours does to you. “