So I rode out on Fidele and I was amazed how he took charge of our direction. I realized he was taking me to the spot where he must have taken the Princesse many times.
Yes. I was right. There we were. The weather was mild and it was beautiful up here. Summer would soon be with us. It did not surprise me that Marie-Claude came up here very often. There was a peace about the place. One felt remote from everything.
I decided to find the spot where we had once sat together.
I tethered the horse where we had left ours when I came up here with her, and then I found the sheltered spot by the bushes where we had sat.
I leaned against them and let my thoughts wander back to my talk with Kendal, and I asked myself why I had not been firmer with him.
He was going to hate leaving so much. He was no longer a small boy who could be picked up and taken anywhere without protest. He loved the castle . passionately. He loved the Baron too. I was well aware of that. He was going through that phase of babyhood into boyhood and he saw himself as a man. Since I had been there I had detected in him certain similarities to his father, and I was beginning to think that Rollo must have been very like Kendal when he was his age.
But I had to tell him we must leave. Whatever his reluctance, we had to get away.
I heard the sound of a horse’s hoofs in the distance. I supposed in a spot like this one could hear from a long way off. No. They were coming nearer. Now they had stopped suddenly.
My thoughts went back to how I was going to comfort Kendal. In comforting him perhaps I could comfort myself. It was foolish not to admit that to leave the castle would be as great an unhappiness for me as for my son-and perhaps it would take longer for me to recover.
I was aware that someone was close to me. Footsteps came slowly up the incline from behind the bushes which not only sheltered but hid me. It must have been the rider whom I had heard.
I sat still. waiting and then a sudden fear took possession of me.
I realized how lonely it was up here and I remembered that occasion when I had been here with Marie-Claude and we had stood on the brink of the ravine looking down, and I had had a strange uncanny feeling that I was in danger.
Whoever it was was very close now. I heard the snap of bracken . and then footsteps . slow and deliberate.
I stood up suddenly. I was trembling.
Rollo was coming towards me.
“Kate!” he cried in astonishment.
I stammered: “Oh … it is you, then.”
“I didn’t expect to findjcoy here. Why are you riding that horse?”
“Oh … of course … I’ve got Fidele.”
“I passed him … and I thought …”
“You thought the Princesse was here.”
“It’s the horse she usually rides.”
“My bay mare is at the blacksmith’s. They suggested I take Fidele.”
He was laughing now, recovered from his surprise.
“What good luck to find you here!”
“I was very startled when I heard your stealthy approach.”
“What did you think I was? A robber?”
“I didn’t know what to think.” I looked round me.
“It’s very lonely up here.”
“I like it,” he said, looking at me intently.
“Were you sitting there?”
“Yes, sitting there … thinking.”
“Sadly?”
I paused.
“Of leaving,” I said.
“I have to go. I’ve made up my mind.”
“Please, not yet, Kate. You promised … not yet.”
“Soon. It must be soon.”
“Why? You’re happy here. There’s work for you. I could find more manuscripts.”
“I think we should leave in about a week’s time. I’ve talked to Clare.”
“I wish that woman had never come here.”
“Don’t say that. She is a wonderful woman. The Princesse is devoted to her already.” I went on slowly: “You have spoken to her … The Princesse … haven’t you?”
“I’ve tried to cajole; I’ve demanded; I’ve threatened. She is having her revenge on me at last, but I shall find a way. Never fear.
I am going to marry you, Kate. I’m going to legitimize the boy, and we are going to live here happily for the rest of our days. Tell me what you would say if I could do that? “
I did not answer and he gathered me into his arms and held me fast.
I thought: Soon this will be over and I shall never see him again. I felt that was unbearable.
“You love me, Kate. Say it.”
“I don’t know.”
“You can’t endure the thought of going away … right out of my life. Answer truthfully.”
“No,” I said,”I can’t.”
“That’s the answer to the first question. We are two strong people, Kate. We are not going to let anything stand in our way, are we?”
“Some things must.”
“But you love me and I love you. It is no ordinary love, is it? It’s strong. We know so much about each other. We’ve lived each other’s lives. Those weeks in Paris … they bound us together. I wanted you from the moment I saw you. I liked everything about you, Kate … the way you looked, the way you worked … the way you tried to deceive me about your father’s blindness. I wanted you then. I was determined to have you. That business of Mortemer was an excuse.”
“You could have suggested marriage then when you were free to do so.”
“Would you have had me?”
“Not then.”
“But now you would. Oh yes, you would now. Don’t you see, we had to be ready. We had to know. We had to go through all we went through to learn that this thing we have for each other is not passing … not ephemeral … as so many loves are. This is different. This is for a lifetime … and it is worth everything we have.”
“You’re so vehement.”
“I have said that about you. It is what we like about each other. I know what I want and I know how to get it.”
“Not always.”
“Yes,” he said firmly.
“Always. Kate, you must not go yet. If you do, I shall come after you.”
I said nothing. We sat there side by side and I lay against him while he held me tightly.
I felt comforted by his presence. For the first time I was facing the truth. Of course I loved him. When I had hated him, my feeling for him had overwhelmed everything else. From hatred I had slipped into love and as my hatred had been strong and fierce, so was my love.
But I was going to England. I knew I had to go. Clare had made me see that.
I roused myself.
“I must get back. Clare will be coming from the castle. They will be expecting me and wondering where I am.”
“Promise me one thing.”
“What is that?”
“That you will not attempt to leave without first telling me.”
“I promise that,” I said. ” ” Then we stood for a while and he kissed me in a different way from that in which he had previously, gently, tenderly.
I was so filled with emotion that I could not speak.
Then he helped me to mount Fidele and we rode back to the castle.
“Kendal,” I said, ‘we are going to England. “
He stared at me and I saw his mouth harden. He looked remarkably like his father in that moment.
I went on: “I know you hate leaving the castle, but we have to go. You see, this is not our home.”
“It is our home,” he said angrily.
“No.. no… We are here because there was nowhere else for us to go after we left Paris. But you can’t stay in other people’s houses for ever.”
“It’s my father’s house. He wants us here.”
“Kendal,” I said, ‘you are not grown up yet. You must listen to what I say and know that it is for the best. for you and for all of us. “