“No,” Patricio said, but he wasn’t convinced it had been right to escape from prison.
“If you get caught then never tell them how we did it, that you came with me in this car, and where I let you off.”
“I’ll keep quiet,” Patricio said.
José gave a chuckle. Patricio looked at him and smiled. It felt good to hear a laugh in freedom, to have found a friend.
“We live a while longer,” José said.
Dark clouds were pulling in from the south as Patricio stepped off the Upp-train at the central station in Uppsala. The rain came down with an almost tropical force and for several moments he stood absolutely still and let himself be struck by the strong, hammering drops before he ran over the platform, crossed the tracks, and hurried into the station.
There was a convivial atmosphere in there, with laughter and a cacophony of voices. A damp heat rose from the travelers’ clothes and a metallic voice issued from the loudspeakers. People poured effortlessly through the station like lava streams down a mountainside, curving around groups of stationary people, continuing on out the doors that reluctantly slid open and let in the smell of rain and car exhaust.
Patricio stopped for a moment, shivered from the dampness that had soaked through the T-shirt, listened and was amazed at this throng of colors, voices, and movements. Then he followed one of the streams and ended up on some stairs by a small square. A patrol car was parked on the street.
“Manuel, where are you?” he muttered and looked around. To the left there was a parking lot and beyond that, a bus terminal. To the right there was a disorganized army of a thousand bikes. It was in this direction that most people walked and Patricio followed the river of people in toward the city center. The rain had stopped as quickly as it had started. The clouds in the sky were torn apart, a pale sun peeked out and spread a warm, indolent light over Uppsala.
Patricio was gradually overcoming his shock at having escaped the prison and no longer being imprisoned by closed doors and walls topped with barbed wire. Nothing prevented him from walking in any direction he chose. He could sit on a park bench, rest for fifteen minutes, an hour, or half a day, and then saunter on to wherever he wished.
Nonetheless it still seemed as if others determined his steps. During his walk he became a helpless victim of other peoples’ desires and directions and found himself standing outside a hamburger joint. He walked in, and once he had satisfied his thirst and hunger, he tried to come to his own decision.
His brother was somewhere in this city, but at his visit to the prison he had not mentioned where he was planning to stay. Patricio could not imagine him checking into a hotel, but he must have spent his nights somewhere. He could not simply sleep outside as they did in Mexico, resting on a petate and rolled up in a blanket.
And where should he himself spend the night? He sank down onto a bench, suddenly exhausted. The scent of coffee from an outdoor cafe brought back memories of the village. Should he call Gerardo back in the village so he could get word to his mother? No, she would be beside herself with worry. He could see Maria, the shriveled body that had become more stooped over the years, the abundant hair gathered into two braids running down her back, and her busy hands. What was she doing now? His longing for Mexico and the village caused him to let out a sob. A youngish woman walking by glanced at him. The child walking at her side-with apparent reluctance, a boy of perhaps five or six-stopped short and stared wide-eyed at Patricio, but the woman pulled him along.
Patricio stood up. The wet T-shirt was still cold. The pants he had put on in the van were too short and the large shoes from prison looked clumsy. He looked around and spotted a clothing store nearby. He could spend some of the money José had given him on some new duds.
He came back out onto the street sixteen hundred kronor poorer. He had not realized how expensive it was going to be, but he had not wanted to protest or haggle at the register. Now he was wearing yet another pair of blue jeans, a red T-shirt, and a short jacket. In the bag he had an extra T-shirt, a pair of underpants, and three pairs of socks.
He put on the sunglasses and cap that he had bought and immediately felt better. He looked down at his shoes, but decided that they would have to do for now.
The sales clerk had been friendly and had not seemed surprised that Patricio only knew a few words of Swedish. On the street he saw many dark-hued people and realized that Swedes were used to foreigners.
He walked toward the central square that he had seen earlier. It was an old habit. In the village and even in Oaxaca, the zócalon, the square, was the meeting place where you strolled around, sat on a bench, bumped into people you knew and exchanged a few words. He was hoping that Manuel would think along similar lines and find his way to the square. What else was he to do in a strange city?
He heard music coming from a pedestrian zone, and he paused. A group of musicians were giving a concert. He immediately saw that they were South Americans. He had encountered similar groups of usually Peruvians and Bolivians in California. He gave them some of the change he had received from the clothing store and lingered there. During a pause in the music he mustered some courage and walked up to one of the men.
“Hi, companero, do you know where the restaurant Dakar is?” he asked in Spanish.
The flute player gave him an interested look. Patricio almost regretted asking. What did he know about Dakar, perhaps it was an infamous hangout for bad people.
“It’s not far from here,” the musician said and pointed with his flute. “Take the first street to the right and then you will see Dakar about fifty meters away.”
“You play well,” Patricio said.
The man nodded curtly as if he did not care for compliments.
“Where do come from?”
“California,” Patricio said.
There was nothing unfriendly about the man, but his expression what somewhat sullen and forbidding. Patricio had the feeling he was on his guard.
He walked in the direction the man had pointed at. The tension in his body made him want to run, but he controlled himself and tried to match the rhythm of those around him on the street, without looking back.
He turned to the right and saw the restaurant sign at once. It had the name of the place and three blinking stars in red and green. I’ve finally arrived, he thought, and had the unpleasant feeling of having been on this sidewalk, looking at this sign before.
The next thought that struck him was just as unpleasant. If I had not gone along with the fat one’s talk of innocent letters that needed transporting to Europe, or rather, if I had admitted to myself what I deep down believed about the package, where would I have been then? Who would I have been? Who am I today?
His life was wasted. He had, against his better judgment, allowed himself to be tricked, had been seduced by the power of money and dreams of a better life. What he and his family had gained was not a fortune but dishonor. Why not complete this thread by walking into Dakar and killing the fat one and the tall one? For his own part, nothing could get worse. They would not judge him back in the village, perhaps they would even hail him as a hero. They would see this as the appropriate punishment for a bhni guí’a. Angel would be doubly revenged and no more Zapotecs would be tricked, at least not by these two.
If we kill everyone who sucks our blood and throws us on the dirt pile when we are used up, then will it be a better world? The Zapotecs would benefit from it. No one would be forced to go to el norte, the villages could live and no corn would be dumped on the market in Talea.
Patricio’s thoughts were not new, they had emerged in prison, but now for the first time they appeared possible to realize. For the first time he would be able to make a contribution to his country and his village. To demonstrate in Oaxaca that to be subdued by police dogs, batons, and water canons did not lead anywhere.