He drank more of Crispin’s wine and studied him. “The lists are not as merry since you left them, Crispin,” said Giles, mirroring Crispin’s own thoughts. “I enjoyed riding against you.”
“I, too, miss them, Giles.”
“Alas,” he said. “A pity the king did not see fit to restore your knighthood.”
“Ah, but he did.”
Giles sat back with surprise. “When was this?”
“When I saved the king’s life from an assassin. Surely you must have heard-”
“It seems I did hear something of the kind,” he said, cheered. “But then, something must have gone wrong.” He looked him up and down again.
“Indeed. The king’s offer balanced on a task I could not perform.”
“Oh? And what was this chivalrous deed he implored of you?”
Crispin straightened his shoulders. “I was to beg for it.”
Giles burst into peals of laughter. “And that-” he said between gasps, “you certainly would not do!” He slapped his thighs. “Crispin! You have always made me smile. Such youthful vigor! But I am certain that your refusal of the king was warranted. You must be doing well, then. A comfortable existence here in London? Am I right?”
Crispin endured the man’s laughter silently.
Giles prodded with his elbow. “Tell me, Crispin, for truly I wish to know. Tell me where it is you live.”
“I do live in London.”
“Yes, yes. But where?”
“I live. . on the Shambles. I thought everyone knew that.”
Giles’s laughter stopped abruptly. “Oh. You aren’t jesting? Oh, Crispin.” He lowered his face and shook his head. “I thought-Ah, I see. Tell me. Is there something I can do, something I can say?”
“No. Thank you. I have learned to earn my keep here. And I am”-he tested the word in his head before he said-“content.”
Giles offered a weakened smile. “You were always so stoic, Crispin. When I married Margaret, well. .” He drank from the bowl. “I thought you would hate me after that.”
“No, Giles. I did not hate you. I suppose it was for the best. After. . everything.”
“Yes.” He leaned over his thighs and turned the now empty bowl in his hands. “After Margaret died all those years ago-”
“I was sorry to hear of it.”
“Ah, so you did hear? Well. The child died as well. That was a sorrowful time. And do you know, the one man I wanted to talk to, to gain some comfort from, was you? But, of course, that was impossible then. Now you seem to move about more freely.” He grinned. “I am glad of it. We were often rivals but it was never personal. I’d like to think we were friends.”
“We were.” Crispin looked away into the fire.
“Yes. Well. After Margaret died, I decided to move on.”
“Have you remarried, then?” Crispin did not realize how starved he was for court news. It never seemed to matter before.
Giles looked embarrassed. “No, not remarried. But. .” He turned the bowl in his hands. “In fact, I suppose you should know that I have recently acquired. . that I have purchased-Dammit, Crispin. I do not know if these are good tidings or not.”
“Tell me, then.”
“A manor house along the river in Sheen, not far from his Majesty’s lodgings. I have only moved into them a few months ago-”
Crispin froze, a cold feeling slipping around his heart.
“I am taking good care of them. After Margaret, the house seemed too empty. A change of scenery. And when his Majesty offered it, I-” He looked at Crispin’s face and abruptly rose, his own expression stricken. “Maybe this isn’t the time. I’d best take my leave. God keep you, Crispin. I’m certain we will meet again.”
He set down the empty bowl, but in his haste to depart, his foot caught it and kicked it toward the hearth where it clinked against the clay jug and cracked it, spilling its wine like blood.
3
“That man,” murmured Jack when they had escaped to the street. He trotted after Crispin’s hurried steps. “Who was he, Master?”
“Giles de Risley,” Crispin grunted. “A peer of the court. An old friend.”
“Aye, I reckoned that much. But what did he mean about all that talk of a manor in Sheen?”
Crispin whipped around and bore down on Jack. “He was talking about my house, Jack! My ancestral home! The king sold it to him for some godforsaken favor.”
Jack blinked. “M-maybe he was lying-”
“No.” Would that he were. But Crispin knew it in his bones to be true. He couldn’t begrudge Giles, and if it had to be so, a friend within those walls was better than an enemy. Still, with the house lying empty it had almost seemed as if it were waiting for Crispin’s return. The last hope of his old life, the last gleam of redemption. But with his manor gone to Giles, his past was now forfeit.
Despair closed over Crispin like a dense fog, and all he knew was to get back to the Shambles as quickly as possible.
Jack followed but Crispin turned on him. “Go back to our lodgings, Jack. Await the messenger from the sheriff.”
“But Master Crispin, what of that Jew-”
“Go, Jack! I am in no mood.”
The boy knew when to flee and flee he did. Crispin watched him go with only half an eye. He wanted drink and plenty of it. Only this, he knew, could numb the approach of life’s many failures steeling upon him.
After a long walk, he returned to London, back to Gutter Lane and the Boar’s Tusk. He pushed open the door and sat hard in his usual seat. Ned brought him a drinking jug of wine without a word and Crispin set to drinking himself blind.
He was nudged awake by the proprietress, Eleanor, some hours later. The jug lay empty on its side mere inches from his lax fingers. Still feeling the indentations of the wooden table impressed into his cheek, he wiped a bit of spittle from the side of his mouth. She looked a little blurry to his wine-soaked eyes but he could tell her displeasure right enough.
“Go home, Crispin. This is no inn.”
He didn’t argue. He drew himself up-feeling as if he were a sack of rocks-and staggered toward the door. Drunk he was, but not as numb as he would have liked to be.
The cold slapped his cheeks hard. He shook out his shaggy head, trying to stay awake. Clumped flakes of snow fell about him, wet blossoms landing and sticking to his dark cloak. He let them. Above him, a cluster of dark clouds and a washed-out sky added to his sense of despair. There was little relief in the landscape of London. White smoke curled from every chimney, and shutters were tightly closed, allowing only splinters of light to streak across the opaque streets. What did it matter? Go home, Eleanor had told him. To the Shambles? That wasn’t his home. It was just the place he lived. Giles de Risley lived in his home. His home, goddammit! He was raised there. His sister and brothers were born there. Born and died in that same manor house. As a young man, Crispin had kept safe the Guest household with the help of his mentor, John of Gaunt, the duke of Lancaster. But kept safe to what end?
Did Lancaster know? What did it matter if he did? He could no more save Crispin’s home than he had saved his miserable life. Oh, yes. He had been saved from the gibbet, right enough, but was this life?
Crispin leaned heavily against a wall, the roughened daub, pilling the threads of his cloak. His lover gone to Giles, his home. It seemed like too much. True, it hadn’t belonged to him in some seven years, but still the thought of it, lying fallow all this time. The friendly halls of his youth, the warm solar, his rooms with the embroidered bed curtains. How many nights had he spent staring at those horsemen galloping across those curtains and dreaming that this would be him someday, on a steel-gray charger, sword drawn, hacking the heads from infidels? And it had been. He had been a noble and valorous knight. He had proven himself time and again in battle and on the lists. Crispin had been a force to be reckoned with. He had become everything he had wanted to be. Lancaster had been proud. Crispin was pleased to make him so.