She rewarded him with a tentative smile. “Deal.”
Their conversation ranged wide afield from the topic of BDSM for the rest of their dinner. He suspected she hovered dangerously close to an overloaded mindset, one where she could easily tip to either side of all-in or fuck-it-all if pushed too hard in one direction or the other. He desperately didn’t want it to be the fuck-it-all side she landed on.
He found himself far too attracted to her to allow that to happen if he had any say in the matter.
Chapter Nine
Shayla wasn’t sure her talk with Tony had helped her comprehension any, but it hadn’t hurt. At least now she felt more relaxed about how to approach the initial article. It would be a jumping-off point to the rest of the series, one inviting the reader to come along for the ride without making any conclusions one way or the other.
A little before lunch on Monday, Kimberly stopped by Shayla’s cubicle. “We’re heading out to eat. Want to come with?”
Shayla stared at her computer screen where another article stared at her. She hadn’t even tried to start her first BDSM article yet. “No. I really need to work.”
“Tell me about the club,” Kimberly said. “What was it like?” Kimberly had been the only one she’d told about going to the class and club. Mostly as a backup in case she didn’t show up at work on Monday, although she rationally hadn’t expected any problems.
Shayla shrugged. “Everyone was really nice. It wasn’t anything like I thought it’d be.”
“Did you try anything at the class?”
“I didn’t get naked, if that was your question.”
Kimberly grinned. “That wasn’t my question, but it was going to be my next question. So what did you try?”
The memory of Tony working over her shoulders with the wire whisks flashed into mind. She hoped she didn’t blush. “I didn’t really try anything like what you’re thinking. I tested a couple of the implements on myself. There’s a lot more pleasure than pain in what I saw people doing. Does that make sense?”
Kimberly shrugged. She grinned and dropped her voice. “Makes sense to me, but then I’m kind of a spanko.” The other woman left as someone called her name, leaving Shayla to wonder about her statement.
Tuesday morning, Shayla managed to turn in an article about a local art exhibit going on at New College without thinking once about riding crops, or whips, or Tony Daniels’ delicious green eyes.
Bill Melling stopped by her cubicle. “Good article. Thanks.”
She nodded. “No problem.” When he eyed her for a moment she knew what he wanted to ask. “And the other assignment is coming along fine,” she said before he could. “But it’s probably going to be several articles more than I originally thought.”
“Okay. Good. We’ll take them all.”
She finished her day by clearing out her inbox and handling edits on another article. Her drive home was spent thinking about what to add to her grocery list. She hated shopping, but was nearly out of milk. I’d rather go home and make a list and make one trip than stop for stuff and have to go back later.
She parked in front of her unit and left her stuff in the car, locking it. She had a short walk down to her mailbox and enjoyed the exercise. Not to mention the grounds were lovely, and spending a few minutes outside in nature helped relax her. She felt pretty good when she reached the sheltered alcove holding the mailboxes and opened hers with the key.
That feeling exploded as she shuffled through her mail, her gaze falling upon the return address of one envelope buried amongst advertisements from businesses welcoming her to the area and her regular catalogs and bills.
James Tavery.
She didn’t realize her hands shook until she tried to slip her thumb under the flap and rip it open. She finally managed it. Inside, she found a check wrapped in a sheet of paper, upon which he’d handwritten a note in black ink with his tight, economical script.
Rather than read it there with her breath coming in gasps, her legs shaking, and on the verge of tears, she hurried back to her apartment and slammed the door shut behind her before she unfolded the paper.
Dear Shay,
I don’t know if you’ll read this or not, and I won’t blame you if you don’t. I know I screwed up. I’m sorry. I have a problem. I admit it. You were too good for me and instead of going and getting help the first time I fucked up even more because I thought I could control it.
I’m not stupid enough to think you’ll believe me when I say I’m really changing this time. I found a group meeting I’ve started going to twice a week for porn addiction. I’m looking around for a psychologist who maybe can help me get my head on straight.
I don’t know what I’m asking for other than forgiveness. I’ve taken a second job, on nights and weekends, to repay every dime I owe you. I know you could have pressed charges against me and didn’t, and I won’t make you sorry for deciding that.
I’m sorry for what I did and wish I could take it all back. I lost the best thing to ever come into my life and I’m going to regret it for the rest of my days with every breath I take.
Love,
James.
She held the check in trembling fingers and looked at it. Another five hundred dollars.
Her knees unhinged. Unable to hold herself up, she slid down the door and cried.
She pulled herself together and went to retrieve her stuff from the car. She’d already downed her first beer when she remembered she’d wanted to go to the store.
Too late now. She never drove after drinking, even if it was only a little bit.
Now, all she felt like doing as she stared at the envelope, letter, and check on her counter was drink and cry.
Fuck it.
She pulled another beer out of the fridge, and a turkey pot pie from the freezer. She’d go to the store tomorrow after work.
By the time she was settled on her couch with her notebook and laptop on the coffee table in front of her and beer number three ready to consume, and a steaming pot pie on a paper plate, she’d nearly managed to forget about James.
Although the third beer more than anything was the catalyst for that.
She put the TV on Cartoon Network and stared at her notes as she worked on the pot pie. She needed a good opening hook for her lede. That was what she was focused on when her cell phone rang.
Dammit.
She’d left it on the counter. She reached it before it kicked over to voice mail, but her eye caught sight of the envelope from James on her counter as she answered. “Hello?” She spun around and returned to the couch.
“Shayla? It’s Loren.”
“Hi.” She drew her legs up under her on the couch. “How are you?”
“I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing after the other night.”
“Good. I’m good. I actually had a sit-down with Tony Sunday night.”
“Oh? How’d it go?”
“He seems like a really nice guy. Very patient with my questions. Thank you for introducing me to him.”
“Awesome. Listen, I know you work, but Leah, Tilly, and I usually get together on Thursday mornings for a girls’ day. We’re going up to visit Clarisse this week to take her out to brunch to celebrate the baby. We wanted to know if maybe you could get the time off to come with us?”
It was on the tip of Shayla’s tongue to say no. That she had too much to do, too many things on her plate. But it would be a lie because she knew Bill Melling encouraged his staff to take exactly these kinds of opportunities if it meant their assignments would benefit.