‘What did you and Gerald eat for dinner? Did you order in or did you cook or did — ’
‘We made dinner together. A simple pasta, a penne arrabiata, nothing fancy, a lot of garlic and a lot of chili peppers.’
‘Did you drink?’
‘Yes. We split a bottle of red wine, a Chianti. It was good. I drank more than Gerald, which wasn’t uncommon.’
‘So you ate dinner and then he went out immediately thereafter.’
‘Not immediately, no. He went to his den and was on the phone for a while. I brought him an espresso. He likes espresso after dinner. I mean, he liked espresso after dinner. I don’t. It keeps me up. I finished the wine.’
‘Did he tell you where he was going?’
‘No. But I didn’t ask. He just said he’d be back in an hour and I said okay and then he was gone. I finished my wine and then got into bed and read for about half an hour and then I heard the front door open and shut and Gerald called out to me and I called back and I fell asleep and I woke up and then found his body and so on and then I got drunk with you and so on and then a police officer, who probably wasn’t even a police officer, basically harassed me this morning, while I was suffering a terrible hangover, and then a crank caller kept calling me and then you came here and then that asshole O’Meara came and asked the same goddamn questions over and over again and I feel like I’m going crazy,’ she said.
‘I know. I’m sorry. I don’t want to cause you any additional anxiety, you know. I want to help you but it means knowing everything you know about what Gerald was up to. Do you know who he was talking to on the phone?’
‘No. I have no idea.’
‘Did he seem upset when he left?’
‘Not at all.’
‘Did he go out in the evenings often?’
‘Sometimes, though never for long. I didn’t keep a leash on Gerald, and for that matter, he didn’t keep one on me. Or at least I wouldn’t let him.’
I wondered what that meant. Did it mean she had a lover? I wanted to ask and I think she knew that I wanted to ask. I was silent. I was thinking about the possibility of Elaine having a lover (or lovers, plural). For some reason, despite her beauty and the age difference between her and Mr. Andrews, I hadn’t considered the possibility that she in fact had a lover (or lovers). I believe I paled. I should ask her, I thought, for it pertains to the case. If she has a lover, of course, he’d be a suspect, and so would she for that matter. I looked at her. Her wide-open brown eyes were looking straight at me. She knows what I’m thinking, I thought. She knows that I’m speculating about her sex life, I thought. It was pertinent to the case. I needed to know. I needed to know if she had a lover or several or none.
‘Do you have a lover?’
‘Is that really pertinent to the case?’
‘Undoubtedly,’ I said.
The doorbell rang. It was the delivery guy from Mou Gui Fang, with our food.
5
The food was incredible, like Elaine said it would be. The shrimp, the rolls, the soup, the Kung Pao Ming Har, the vegetables, especially the vegetables, which had been pan-fried, pan-fried in a sort of spicy soya sauce, I thought, but wasn’t sure, being no chef myself, though I have a few dishes. I love water chestnuts, too, though eat them only when I eat good Chinese food. I ate ravenously but Elaine didn’t eat much. We drank more beer while we ate and Elaine had wine, too. ‘Eat more,’ I said to Elaine, and she ate a little more, though mainly vegetables. The vegetables were incredible, and I wanted more, too, but she finished them off, which was of course fine. Since I’d asked her if she had a lover, we hadn’t said much to each other. That was fine, though, because I wanted her to eat something, but, of course, I kept wondering, wondering about a lover, but the food was so good that it briefly calmed my cursed imagination. When I was finished eating, however, I immediately imagined her with some young guy, someone athletic and vacuous but fun to fuck, as far as she was concerned, someone to fool around with when the old man was away, or perhaps even around, I thought. I felt jealous and angry, then looked at her, at her beautiful face, while she ate vegetables, and I hated myself for feeling jealous and angry, especially because I didn’t even know her till yesterday, I thought, yesterday evening, when I took a cab to her home after she called me re the case. She was beautiful and I was lonely and something inside of me ached, gently at first, but persistently, and I realized I was making an expression of frightened and sad concern. My forehead furrowed, my eyebrows on strange diagonals, I confronted my feelings for Elaine and realized they’d bring me more hurt and heartache, for they already were, that is to say, already bringing me hurt and heartache. I feel like a jealous lover, I thought, but I’m only her private detective.
‘I had a relationship,’ she said. ‘But not anymore. We stopped seeing each other a while ago. He was the one Gerald cut off, so to speak, the one who traded on his name.’
‘When did you stop seeing each other? Why?’
‘After Gerald cut him off,’ she said. ‘He became desperate and Gerald knew about us, though he didn’t say anything, that was his style, but instead worked at ruining Adam’s life, little by little, he picked away at it. He never trusted Adam in the first place but my affair with him just confirmed his suspicions. It was a mistake.’
‘What?’ I said. ‘Getting involved with one of his associates?’
‘Yes, that, but Adam specifically; if I hadn’t’ve gotten involved with him, Gerald wouldn’t’ve destroyed him financially, and Adam wouldn’t’ve killed himself.’
‘When did it happen?’
‘When I realized that Gerald was making things difficult for him, I stopped seeing him, hoping that’d calm Gerald down. It didn’t, though. Gerald just sped up his plan to destroy Adam. He made sure no one would do business with him and he found ways of reclaiming what belonged to Adam. Adam kept trying to contact me but I wouldn’t answer his calls or his emails or letters. It was too much for me. I didn’t realize how desperate he actually was. I was sad and thought he was just suffering like me and that we couldn’t help each other while we suffered and so on. I just thought that it’d be healthier for him not to hear from me, but that wasn’t the case. About a month after we last spoke, he walked down to the harbour late at night and drank a bottle of whisky, then walked out onto the frozen river and jumped in where there was a large crack in the ice. He left me a letter, though I didn’t get to read it. Gerald intercepted it and burned it in our fireplace. He burned it in front of me and told me it was an irrelevant letter from an irrelevant ex-colleague of his. I knew it was from Adam, of course, but didn’t argue with him. I didn’t question him. From that day forth, however, things between us were never the same.’
‘But weren’t they bad already? Wasn’t that the reason you had an affair in the first place?’
‘No, not at all.’
‘Then why did you cheat on him?’
‘Because there was something about Adam that was different from Gerald, it was different and exciting, and I loved him for that, for being different and exciting, for treating me differently, for not always keeping me at arm’s length.’
‘Did you want revenge for Adam’s death?’
‘Yes,’ said Elaine, ‘but I didn’t want Gerald to die. I don’t think he knew how desperate Adam really was. I don’t think he thought Adam would kill himself. It wasn’t his fault.’ She paused, drained her wineglass, then said, ‘If it’s anybody’s fault, it’s mine.’
I didn’t argue with her or say anything, hoping that she’d say more, though instead she stopped talking and poured another glass of wine. I helped her clear the table and put the leftovers in the fridge.