The sound was sickening. Val’s lifeless body collapsed to the floor, at least, as much as it could with her wrists still cuffed to the bed. My stomach rebelled, and I vomited, over and over until I had nothing left in me. My whole body was wracked with tremors. I didn’t look up when I saw Adam’s feet approach.
I’d always known Adam was a hard-ass. And, truth be told, I’d always been just a little afraid of him. But nothing could have prepared me for the shock of witnessing his transition from legal, law-abiding citizen to rogue demon under an automatic death sentence.
He left for a moment, then returned with a handful of towels, which he threw on the floor. He handed me a damp washcloth. I didn’t want to take anything from him, but I wanted to get my face clean, so I grabbed it. The washcloth felt cool against my blazing cheeks and forehead.
“I’m sorry, Morgan,” he said. “But it had to be done. If I’d let her go, she would have tried to have us both executed by the state. And she might have succeeded. Lugh is an illegal demon, and after kidnapping and assaulting Valerie, I’m now officially rogue.”
He moved away from me. I looked up and saw him finally unlock the handcuffs. When Val’s body slumped all the way to the floor, I thought I might have another round of dry heaves.
“How could you do that?” I whispered. “You just murdered her in cold blood.” My God, Adam was a cop! How could he just murder someone like that?
He sighed. “I did what I had to do.”
I looked up at him. His face showed a hint of mild regret, but no more than that. I wondered how many people he’d killed before, because I couldn’t imagine him being this blasé about it if Val were his first.
“It doesn’t even bother you, does it?” I asked. Numbness crept through my limbs and mind. This couldn’t be real. I couldn’t have just stood by and watched while Adam killed someone.
No, not just someone. Val. The woman who’d been my best friend for a decade.
But also, the woman who’d planned to kill me.
Adam looked thoughtful. When he answered, it was clear that he chose his words carefully. “It bothers me that you had to see this on top of all the other shocks you’ve had lately. It doesn’t bother me that I killed her.”
I shook my head. “How could that not bother you?”
He left Val’s body lying on the floor and came to squat in front of me so he could meet my eyes.
“I’m not human, Morgan. Demons are very similar to humans, on so many levels that it’s sometimes hard for you to remember that we’re not. My host is unhappy with me for what I’ve done, but that’s a very human reaction. I did what I had to do. Demons don’t beat themselves up for doing what they think is right, even when they’ve had to do something distasteful.”
I shook my head, unable to absorb what he was saying.
“To put it into perspective — if for some unimaginable reason, I were put into a position where killing Dominic was the right thing to do, I’d do it.”
I gasped. I could actually feel the blood draining from my face. Adam hammered his point home.
“I’d do it, and I wouldn’t feel bad about it.” He frowned at my look of absolute horror. “I don’t mean I wouldn’t grieve. I mean I wouldn’t feel guilty. And that’s not because of who I am, but because of what I am. Our…psychology, I guess you’d call it…is different from yours.”
I tasted bile on the back of my throat. “Get away from me.”
“Morgan — ”
“Get the fuck away from me!” It came out almost a shriek. I wanted to have a fit of screaming hysterics, but I had to hold together just a little longer.
Adam’s face hardened. “You can be as pissed at me as you want, but just ask yourself what you would have done differently.”
“I wouldn’t have killed her, you bastard!”
He stood up and moved away from me. “So you would have just let her go? You would have let her call the police and turn us both in?”
I was hugging myself, and my hand pressed against something hard in my jacket pocket. My heart almost stopped.
It was the Taser Dominic had given me. I’d had it all along, had had the means to stop Adam from torturing Val, had had the means to stop him from killing her. And I’d forgotten all about it.
In hindsight, I can’t help wondering if my subconscious had agreed with Adam’s methods and made me forget I had the Taser. Maybe for all my righteous indignation, I’d wanted him to do those terrible things. If I hadn’t, wouldn’t I have realized that Adam couldn’t let Val go free? Wouldn’t I have known what that had meant?
Wouldn’t I have stopped him?
In a moment of perfect clarity in the midst of a raging storm of emotions, I realized one thing: I couldn’t stay in the same house with Adam for another moment. He might be my only ally, but if today’s events proved anything, it was that sometimes you’re better off without allies.
I knew Adam wouldn’t let me leave without a fight. If I gave him any clue what I was going to do, I’d find myself locked in the room next door. So while he was bending over Val’s body, I armed the Taser and shot him in the back.
CHAPTER 17
I left Adam’s house in something of a daze. I think it was shock.
I took the Taser with me, as well as the shopping bags I’d left in the bedroom. Adam was starting to regain control of his limbs when I was ready to leave, so I shot him again. He tried to say something — no doubt something really complimentary about me — but the electricity had damaged his control too badly and all he could do was glare at me as I walked out.
By the time I hit the sidewalk, my cheeks were drenched with tears. I swiped them angrily away, then made an anonymous 911 call on Val’s cell phone, which I still had.
I didn’t regret that call until about an hour later, when I checked in to a cheap airport motel under an assumed name. When the door closed behind me, and I was finally able to let go of the reins, I threw myself onto the bed and sobbed, not even sure what I was sobbing for.
Grief over Val’s death? Maybe. Guilt over my role in it? Certainly. Fear for my life? That was there, too.
When the tears had run their course, leaving me exhausted in body and soul, I finally let myself think about what I’d just done to Adam. Would my anonymous call be enough to get a search warrant? Would Adam have had time to hide the evidence before the cops arrived?
If the cops found Val’s body and Adam was executed as a rogue demon, would I ever be able to live with myself?
My head started to pound fiercely. I hauled myself into the shower, hoping the hot water would soothe me, but of course it didn’t.
This wasn’t the first time in my life I’d acted first and thought later. But never had the potential consequences been so terrible. I prayed that Adam had hidden the body and the evidence well, prayed that I wouldn’t have to face the consequences of my actions.
Yeah, technically it was Adam who would have to face them, if it came to that, but I’m really, really good at guilt, and I was practically choking on it. As far as I could tell, I hadn’t done a single thing right since the moment I’d realized I was possessed.
Feeling maudlin in the extreme, I called Brian. I didn’t know if he’d take my call after the way I’d left, but I desperately needed to reach out to someone. I’d alienated everyone who mattered, and I’d never felt so alone in all my life.
I got his answering machine. It tells you something about my state of mind that hearing his voice even on a recording made me feel just a little better. I waited a bit to see if he would pick up, but he didn’t. I told him I was sorry, that I loved him, and that I would try him again later.
The headache got worse, the pain stabbing through my eye socket all the way to the base of my skull. I begged some aspirin from the desk clerk, but it didn’t help. I wondered if I was having a stroke or something. I’d had stress headaches before, but never anything like this.
Moaning in misery, I lay down on the bed and clutched the pillow to my face, blocking out all the light, but the pain just wouldn’t let up.