“I am not hurt,” he cried.
“See to her.” He said afterwards that she was mad and that she was therefore not responsible for her actions. “
“I have heard it said,” my mother commented, ‘that His Majesty would naturally have pity on one so afflicted. “
“Oh, you have been hearing rumours about the state of his own health, I’ll swear,” said Joel.
“You would know,” replied my mother, ‘whether there is any truth in them. “
“I know of the rumours but the truth of them is another matter.”
Do you think the woman was acting by herself or was she the member of some gang intending to harm the King? ” I asked.
“It is almost certain to be the former.”
Joel sipped his wine, and complimenting my mother on it and her wine cakes, began to tell us anecdotes about the Court which enthralled us who were so far removed from it.
It was a pleasant visit and when he had gone my mother glowed with pride and I heard her singing “Heart of Oak’ in her endearing out-of-tune voice, and as she always did this when she was particularly pleased with life, I knew what was in her mind.
My birthday was in September. I was nineteen and when I went out to our little lean-to which served as a stable in order to saddle Jenny, I saw a lovely chestnut mare waiting there for me.
I stared in astonishment. Then I heard a movement behind me and, turning, saw my mother. I had never seen her look quite so happy since my father’s death.
“Well,” she said, ‘now when you go riding with Joel Derringham, you’ll look just right. “
I threw myself into her arms and we hugged each other. There were tears in her eyes when she released me.
“How could you possibly afford it?” I asked.
“Ah!” She nodded sagely.
“That’s not the thing to say when you get a present.”
Then the truth dawned on me.
“The dower!” I cried, appalled. My mother had saved, as she said, ‘for a rainy day,” and the money was kept in the old Tudor dower chest which had been in the family for years. We always referred to the savings as the dower.
“Well, I thought, a horse in the stable was better than a few guineas tied up in a bag. You haven’t finished yet. Come upstairs.”
Proudly she took me to her bedroom and there, laid out on the bed, was a complete riding outfit dark blue skirt and jacket and a tall hat of the same shade.
I couldn’t wait to try on everything and of course it fitted perfectly.
“It’s becoming,” she murmured.
“Your mother would have been so proud.
Now you look as though you really do belong . “
“Belong! To whom?”
“You look every bit as grand as the guests up at the Manor.”
I felt a twinge of apprehension. I understood absolutely how her thoughts were moving. My friendship with Joel Derringham had robbed her of some of her good sense. She had really made up her mind that he was going to marry me, and it was for this reason that she was ready to take money from the dower chest which had been almost sacred to her for as long as I could remember. I could imagine her convincing herself that the horse and the outfit were no extravagance. They were proclaiming to the world how suited her daughter was to step up into the world of the nobility.
I said nothing, but the joy in my new horse and clothes was considerably subdued.
When I rode out she was watching me from the top window and I felt a great surge of tenderness for her and with it was the almost certainty that she was going to be disappointed.
For a few weeks life went on as before. October came. The school was less full than that time last year. My mother was always anxious when pupils disappeared. Sybil and Maria were still coming, of course, with Margot, but it was a foregone conclusion that Margot would one day return to her parents, and Sybil and Maria would probably go with her for they would attend a finishing school near Paris.
I could not help enjoying my new mare. Poor Jenny was relieved to be rid of me and the mare, whom I had called Dower, demanded a great deal of exercise, so I rode often. And Joel was always there to meet me. We had long rides on Saturdays and Sundays when there was no school.
We talked of politics, the stars, the countryside and any subject, all of which he seemed to know a good deal about. There was a quiet enthusiasm about him which I found enclearing, but the fact was that while I liked him very much I found no great exhilaration in his company. I should never have noticed this if it had not been for my encounter with the Comte. Even after all this time the memory of his kisses made me shudder. I had started to dream about him and these dreams could be rather frightening, though when I awoke from them it was always with regret and I wished myself back in them. I would be in embarrassing situations and always the Comte was there, watching me enigmatically so that I could never be sure what he was going to do.
It was all very foolish and ridiculous that a serious-minded young woman of my age should be so naive. I made excuses for myself. Mine had been a sheltered life. I had never been , out in the world.
Sometimes I felt my mother shared my naivete. It must have been so if she thought Joel Derringham was going to marry me.
I was so absorbed in my own affairs that I only vaguely noticed the change in Margot. She was less exuberant. She . was even on some occasions subdued. That she was a creature of moods I had always known, but it had never been so apparent as it was now. There were times when she would be almost hysterically gay and others when she was nearly morbid.
She was inattentive at lessons and I waited until we were alone to reprove her.
“English verbs!” she cried, throwing up her hands. I find them so boring. Who cares whether I speak English as you do or as I do . as long as I am understood.
” I care,” I reminded her.
“My mother cares and your family care. “
“They don’t. They won’t know the difference in any case.”
“Your father has allowed you to stay here because he is pleased with your progress.” ;
“He has allowed me to stay because they want me out of the way.”
“I do not believe such nonsense.”
“Minelle, you are … what is it called … a hypocrite? You pretend to be so good. You learned all your verbs, I don’t doubt … and twice as quickly as anyone else. And now you go riding on your new horse .. in your elegant clothes … and who is waiting in the woods?
Tell me that. “
I asked you here that we might talk seriously, Margot. “
“What is more serious than this, eh? Joel likes you, Minelle. He likes you very much. I am glad because … shall I tell you something?
They meant him for me. Oh, that startles you, yes? My father and Sir John have talked of it. I know because I listened . at keyholes. Oh, very naughty! My father would like me to be settled in England. He thinks France is not very safe for a time. So if I married Joel . who will give me riches . and title . that should be considered. Of course he is not of such an ancient family as ours . but we are prepared to forget that. Now you come along with your new horse, your elegant riding clothes, and Joel does not seem to see me.
He sees only you. “
“I never heard anyone talk such nonsense as you do when you are in the mood.”
“It all began, did it not, when you came to tea. You met him on the lawn by the sun-dial. You looked quite handsome standing there. The sun makes your hair look beautiful, I thought. So did he. Are you in love with him, Minelle?”
“Margot, I do want you to pay more attention to your lessons.”
“And I want you to pay attention to me. But you are doing so. You have grown quite pink thinking of Joel Derringham. You can confide in me because you know …”