Mrs. Manser thought I should be wise to” encourage the courtship of her son Jim and learn to become a farmer’s j wife.
A whole day and night passed in anxious speculation and’;
then Sir John and Joel returned bringing Margot with them. I did not see her. She was exhausted and distraught and put straight to bed. No one called from the Manor to give me the news, and once again it was from Mrs. Manser that I gleaned information. ‘ “They found them in time. Traced them, they did. They’d covered more than seventy miles. I heard it from Tom Harris, the groom that went with Sir John. He likes a jug of our home-brew taken in the parlour.
He says they were both scared out of their wits and Master James wasn’t so bold when he was faced with Sir John. He’s been sent off on the spot.
That’s the last we’ll hear of James Wedder, I shouldn’t wonder. Not like Sir John to send a man off when he’s got nowhere to go to, but this was different, I reckon. This ‘un teach him a lesson. “
“Did you hear about Mademoiselle?”
Tom Harris said she was crying as though her heart was broken, but they brought her back . and that’s the end of James Wedder for her. “
“How could she have been so foolish!” I cried.
“She might have known.”
“Oh, he’s a dashing young fellow and young girls when they fancy themselves in love don’t always give much thought to what’s coming of it.”
Again I felt she was warning me.
Life was changing rapidly my mother gone forever and new responsibilities crowding in on me. The school was not the same; it had lost the dignity my mother had given it. I was well educated and could teach, but I seemed so young and I knew there was not the confidence in me which my mother had inspired. I was only nineteen years old. People remembered this. I found taking class more difficult than it had been there was a certain amount of insubordination. Margot had not come back to school although Maria and Sybil had. Maria told me that at the beginning of the summer she and her sister were going to a finishing school in Switzerland.
My heart sank. Without the Derringham girls, the school would lose the pupils who came from the Manor the preserve on our bread, as my mother had called them. But it was not so much the preserve I had to worry about as the bread itself.
“There is talk of our brother’s going on the Grand Tour,” Maria told me maliciously.
“Papa thinks it will be a good education for him and all young men of his station do it. He will be going soon.”
It was as though Margot’s adventure with the groom had set something in motion, the subject of which was to change everything.
I felt a sudden longing for Joel’s company he was always so calm, so reassuring in a way. And if he were going on the Grand Tour that meant that he would be away possibly for two years. What a lot could happen in two years! The once flourishing little school could become bankrupt. Without th Derringhams . what should I do? I felt I was being blame for Margot’s indiscretion. It had often been said that Marge and I were good friends. Perhaps it was also being said that had allowed myself to become too friendly with Joel Derringham - a liaison which could not have an honourable ending and that had been a bad influence on Margot.
When two girls from one of the nearby big country house announced that they were leaving and going to a finishing school it was like a red light flickering at the end of a tunneI took Dower out for a long ride hoping to meet Joel an hear from his own lips that he was going away. But I did not see him and that in itself was significant.
On a Sunday morning he came to see me. My heart started to beat faster as I watched him tether his horse. As he cam into the sitting-room he looked very grave.
“I’m going away shortly,” he told me.
There was silence broken only by the ticking of the grandfather clock.
“Maria mentioned it,” I heard myself say.
“Well, of course it is considered to be part of one’s education.”
Where shall you go? “
“Europe … Italy, France, Spain … the Grand Tour.”
“It will be most interesting.”
“I would rather not go.”
Then why? “
“My father insists.” ;
“I see, and you must obey him.” “I always have.” “And you couldn’t stop doing so now, naturally. But why should you want to ?”
“Because … There is a reason why I don’t want to g< He looked at me steadily.
“I have prized our friendship.” j “It was good.”
“Is good. I’ll be back, Minella.”
“That will be in the future.”
“But I shall come back. Then I shall talk to you … ver seriously.”
“If you come back and I am here I shall be interested t hear what you have to say.”
He smiled and I said quietly: “When do you leave?”
“In two weeks’ time.”
I nodded.
“Can I get you a glass of wine? My mother’s speciality. She was proud of the wines she made. There is sloe gin too. It is very palatable.”
“I am sure it is, but I want nothing now. I just came to talk to you.”
“You will see some glorious works of art … and architecture. You will be able to study the night sky in Italy. You will learn the politics of the countries through which you pass. It will be an education.”
He was looking at me almost piteously. I thought that if I made a certain move he might suddenly come to me and put his arms about me and urge me to be as foolish and reckless as Margot and her groom. I thought: No. It is not for me to lead the way. If he wants to enough he must do that. I wondered what the Derringhams would do if Joel told them he wanted to marry me. A second disaster and so similar to the other. A mesalliance, they would call it.
Oh my dear mother, how wrong you were!
“I shall see you before I go,” he was saying.
“I want us to ride out together. There is so much I want to discuss.”
After he had gone I sat at the table thinking of him. I knew what he meant. His family, realizing his interest in me, were sending him away. Margot’s episode had alerted them to danger.
Over the mantelpiece hung the picture of my mother which my father had had painted during the first year of their marriage. It was wonderfully like her. I gazed at those steady eyes, that resolute mouth.
“You dreamed too much,” I said.
“It was never meant to come to anything.”
And I was not sure that I wanted it to. All I knew was that my world was collapsing about me. I could see the pupils drifting away and I felt lonely and a little afraid.
Joel left and the days seemed long. I was glad when school was over though I dreaded the long evenings when I lighted the lamps and tried to occupy myself with preparations for the next day’s lessons. I was grateful for the frequent company of the Mansers, but I was always aware of Jim and their expectations with regard to him and me. I fancied Mrs.
Manser was telling her husband that I had come to my senses and stopped thinking of Joel Derringham.
I was deeply regretting the loss of our savings. There were several lengths of expensive material in my mother’s bedroom and the cost of keeping Dower had to be considered. I could not get rid of dear Jenny who had served us so well, so there were two of them to keep.
Maria and Sybil talked constantly of their approaching departure for Switzerland and I was haunted by the fear that I was not going to be able to keep the school going.
When I was alone at night I would imagine my mother was there and I would talk to her. I used to fancy I could hear her voice coming to me over that great void which separates the dead from the living, and I was comforted.