“One door shuts and another opens.” She had a stock of such well-worn truisms at her disposal to bring out when they fitted the occasion, and I had often teased her about them. Now I remembered them and rejoiced in them.
There was one thing which alarmed me and that was the new coolness of Sir John and Lady Derringham towards me. They considered I had behaved in a most unbecoming manner by allowing their son to be attracted by me. I should have known better, and they laid the blame on me, seeing me, I was sure, as a scheming adventuress. Even though Joel had been sent away on his Grand Tour, I believe they had decided that I should be given no more chances to practise my wiles, which meant of course a withdrawal of their patronage. This was the most frightening aspect of the situation. My mother had constantly mentioned what great good had come to us through them, and I was wondering how long I could run the school at a loss.
One blustering March day Margot came to say goodbye to me. She looked subdued, but I detected a sparkle of mischief i in her eyes. It was a Sunday-a day when there was no school and I-‘ expected she had chosen it for that reason. “Hello, Minelle,” she said. “I am going home next week. I’ve come to say goodbye. ” I felt suddenly wretched. I had been fond of Margot and it i meant that everything and everyone I cared about was slip) ping away from me.
“This little episode-‘ she spread her hands as though to embrace the schoolhouse, myself and the whole of England ‘it is over.”
“Well, it has been an experience for you.”
“Sad, yes, and happy … and amusing. Nothing is all one of those, is it. There is always some of each. Poor James. I often wonder where he is. Sent away in disgrace. But he will find a new place … more girls to love.”
“And you?”
“I also.”
“It was a foolish thing to do, Margot.”
“Yes, was it not? Like most adventures, they are so much more fun to plan than to carry out. We used to lie under the hedge in the shrubbery and make plans. That was the best part. It was so dangerous.
I used to run and find him at every possible moment. “
“When you played hide and seek, even,” I said.
She nodded, laughing at me.
“Anyone might have seen us at any time. We both said we did not care.”
“But you were afraid of what might happen.”
“Oh yes. But I like to be afraid. Don’t you? Oh no, you are too righteous. Though what about you and Joel, eh? In a way we are in the same position … two of a kind, as they say, do they not? We both lost our lovers.”
“Joel was not my lover.”
“Well, he hoped to be. And you hoped. It made me laugh. You … the schoolmistress. Me … and the groom. It was a dance … the dance of the classes. Funny, do you, see?”
“No, I don’t.”
“You have become a true schoolmistress, Minelle. But we had fun together-and now I am to go back to France. Sir John and Lady Derringham have been longing to be rid of me and now I am going.”
“I am sorry. I shall miss you very much.”
She stood up and in her impulsive way flung her arms about me.
“And I shall miss you, Minelle. I always liked you the best. I cannot talk to Marie and Sybil. They look down their silly noses at me as though I have the plague … and all because I have known something which they have not … and never will, most likely. Perhaps you will come and see me in France.”
“I cannot see how this would be possible.”
“I might ask you.”
“It is kind of you, Margot.”
“Minelle, I am a little worried.”
“Worried? What about?”
“I don’t know what I should do.”
“Perhaps you should explain.”
“When James and I lay under the hedge in the shrubbery we did not simply make plans.”
“What do you mean?”
“I am going to have a child, Minelle.”
“Margot!”
“The ultimate shame,” she cried.
“If is not so much what one does as being caught in it. You see, James could have been my lover and that would have been a regrettable incident … to be hushed up and forgotten. But when there is living evidence of our liaison, what then? Shame. Disaster. Well, that is the story, Minelle. What am I to do?”
“Do Sir John and Lady Derringham know this?”
“No one knows but you … and me.”
“Margot, what can you do?”
“That is what I want you to advise me on.”
“What advice is there? You are going to have a child and there can be no hiding it.”
“It will be hidden. People have had illegitimate children in the past and hidden it.”
“How will you hide it?”
“That is what I must discover.”
“Margot, how can help you in this?”p>
“That is what I came to talk about.” I saw the fear in her eyes then.
“I’m afraid to go home … like this. Soon all will see it, will they not? And my father …”
In my mind’s eye I saw him as clearly as I had that first time in Derringham Manor. I could feel his lips hard against mine.
“Perhaps he will understand,” I suggested.
Margot laughed rather bitterly.
“He will have had his bastards, doubt it not. That is nothing . a bagatelle. But what is acceptable for a man like my father is the ultimate disgrace for his daughter. ”
” It is so unfair. ”
“Of course it’s unfair, Minelle, but what am I going to do? When I think of facing my father I feel like going to the top of the tower and throwing myself over.”
“Don’t talk like that.”
“I never would, of course. I am always so interested to know what is coming next. Minelle, let’s run away … you and I. The school is not going well, is it? I’ve heard them talk. Joel has gone. The lover who had to obey his parents rather than follow his love! Pouff!” She snapped her fingers.
“James … he was bold.
“We will become gipsies,” he said.
“I will make a fortune and we will live in a castle as grand as your father’s …” And then Sir John comes and he withers and is then only a frightened boy. I am not weak like that. Nor are you. We are not people to do something because it has always been done. We can make up our minds. We can fight. “
“You are talking nonsense, Margot.”
“What am I going to do, then?”
There is only one thing you can do. You must go to Sir John and tell him you are expecting a child. He is kind. He will help you and he will know what to do. “
“I’d rather tell him than tell my father.”
“Perhaps your mother will help.”
Margot laughed.
“My mother would not dare do anything. She would only tell him and I might as well do that.”
“What do you think he will do?”
“He will be mad with rage. I am the only child of the marriage. That infuriates him in itself. No son to carry on the great line-and my mother too weak and ailing and the doctors insisting that she must have no more children. So I am the hope of the house, I have to make a grand marriage. Although there was talk of Joel for me, I don’t think my father thought it was ideal. He was only considering it because of the troubles in France and he thought English estates might be useful in the near future. Well, now the hope of the house is about to bear a bastard and a groom is its father!”
She burst into loud laughter which alarmed me for it told me that for all her flippant talk she was on the verge of hysteria.
Poor Margot! She was indeed in an unhappy situation and as I saw it there was only one way out. She must tell Sir John and ask for his help.
She was against doing that and continued with wild plans for our running away together, but at length I impressed on her that this would be as futile as her elopement and when she left me she seemed a little calmer and I believe had made up her mind that the only possible action was to confess her plight.