I must not be foolish. So far I could congratulate myself on having kept him at arms length in spite of those occasions when my senses had cried out to me to release them. My stem upbringing, the memory of my beloved mother had always stood between me and folly.
“So,” he was saying tenderly, ‘you do care for me? “
I drew myself from him. I did not look at him for fear of losing my grip on my good sense.
“I have grown fond of your family,” I said.
“I have been with you for some time and Margot was always my friend. I do see, though, that we have lived different lives and have responded to different ethics. I have a great deal to consider.”
He looked at me through half-closed eyes.
“Yes, it is true that you have been brought up in a different society, but you are an adventurer, Minelle. You do not wish to shut yourself in your little world and never explore others. Your nature was clear when you came peeping into the rooms at Derringham Manor. Now that was not what a well-brought-up little girl should do.”
“I have grown up a good deal since then.”
“Ah yes. You have changed. You see the world through different eyes.
You have learned that men and women are not neatly divided into the good and the bad. Is that true, Minelle? “
“Of course it’s true. No one is all good, no one all bad.”
“Even I?”
“Even you.” I was thinking of how he had looked after Yvette and made sure that Chariot was well cared for.
“Well then?”
“I am unsure,” I said.
“Still unsure?”
“I need time.”
“Time is just what we lack. Anything in the world I will give you but that.”
“That is all I want. There is so much I have to understand.”
“You are thinking of Ursule.”
“If one considers marrying a man who has already had a wife it is difficult not to think of her.” “You need have no jealousy regarding her.” ;
“It was not jealousy I was thinking of.”
“Her unfortunate end? Good God, I believe you think I killed her. Do you think me capable of that?”
I looked at him steadily and answered: “Yes.”
He stared at me for a moment or two and then burst into laughter.
“And even so … you would consider marrying me?”
I hesitated and he went on: “But of course you are considering. Why else would you ask for time? Oh Minelle, so clever and so obtuse. But you have to persuade the prim side of your nature that it would somehow be comme il faut to marry a murderer! Oh Minelle, my love, my darling, what fun we are going to have with that prim side of yours.”
Then he held me against him and I was laughing with him I could not help it. I returned his kisses in an inexperienced way which I knew delighted him.
The clock on the bureau pinged impatiently as though to warn us of the all-important passage of time.
He was aware of it. He took my hands.
“At least,” he said, “I know. It gives me hope. I have to be in Paris for a while. You understand this.
There are dangerous men rising against the King, urging the people to destroy the Monarchy and all it stands for. The most dangerous of them all is the Due d’Orleans who preaches sedition night after night in the Palais Royale. I must stay here and knowing what I know I can have no peace until you are safe in the country . or comparatively safe.
Go with Margot. Look after her. She is a wayward child . yes, little more than a child. She does not seem to grow up. She has her secret . ” He shrugged his shoulders.
“That may bring drama into her life. Who knows? She will need you to care for her, Minelle. She will need your good sound analytical sense. Take care of her and yourself. Protect her from her own folly … and one day I will protect you from yours. I will see that you learn the wisdom of accepting life … taking what it offers … living and never turning away from the best.”
Then he kissed me Imgeringly, tenderly; and I left him.
AT THE CHATEAU GRAS SEVILLE
I
Grasseville was a beautiful chateau north of Paris, dominating a quiet market town. It was true that a peaceful atmosphere did emanate from the place and one was immediately aware of it. It was as though the envy, malice and hatred which prevailed elsewhere, had passed over it.
Here the men touched their caps and the women curtsied as we rode by.
I noticed that Henri and Robert de Grasseville called greetings to many of them and asked after members of their families. I could understand why the impending storm seemed far away.
It was true that Henri de Grasseville had agreed that the marriage should take place although convention demanded a longer period of mourning for the bride, but I supposed it had been the Comte who had insisted and Henri was the kind of man who would be ready to give way to the wi of others.
Margot was delighted with her marriage. She told me she was deeply in love with Robert and as they see me though they hated to be parted, it was clear that they v lovers. She did, however, find time to come to my’re sometimes. Our talks had become so much a part of our that I really believed she would have missed them if they ever ceased. She came in one day and stretched herself in the armchair near the mirror where she could keep glancing at herself will satisfaction. She certainly looked very pretty.
“It’s perfect,” she announced.
“Robert never dreamed there was anyone like me. I think I was meant for mar ri Minelle.”
“I am sure you were.”
“While you were meant to teach. That’s your metier in life.”
“Oh thank you. How very exciting for me!”
She laughed.
“Robert is amazed by me. He expected me to shrink and protest and be overcome by modesty.”
“Which of course you were not.”
“I certainly was not.”
“Margot, he didn’t guess …”
She shook her head.
“He is the sweetest innocent ever born. It wouldn’t occur to him, would it? No one would believe we had that fantastic adventure.” Her face crumpled suddenly: “Of course, I still think of Chariot.”
The best thing is for you to console yourself that he is in Yvette’s hands and he could not be in better. “
“I know. But he is mine.”
She sighed and her exultation was a little dimmed. But she was so delighted with her marriage that I was sure her longing for Chariot had abated a little.
There were no restrictions on riding alone here. No one ever thought of danger. Margot and I went into the little market town to make purchases and we were greeted with the utmost respect in every shop.
They all knew, of course, that we came from the chateau and that Margot was the future Comtesse.
It was like an oasis in the midst of the desert. When we were tired we would sit down outside a patisserie under gaily-coloured umbrellas and drink coffee with little creamy gateaux, the most delicious I had ever tasted. Le the had not yet come to Grasseville and there was no English spoken which I supposed was another sign of a lack of change.
The myth of my being the cousin was upheld and I was soon known in the town as Mademoiselle La Cousine Anglaise. My command of the language was marvelled at and I would sit and chat even more readily than Margot did, for she was too immersed in her own affairs to feel much interest for those of others.
How I loved the smell of baking bread and hot coffee which filled the streets in early morning! I liked to watch the baker draw the loaves out of the oven with his long long-like instrument. I loved the market days when the produce was brought in on hand carts or those drawn by aged donkeys l fruit, vegetables, eggs and squawking chickens. I loved to buy from the stalls-a piece of ribbon, some sweetmeat conection tastefully wrapped and tied with ribbon. I could never gbsist buying and how they loved to sell. I was sure that fargot and I and the servants we had brought with us were Sod business and welcomed for that.