“What do you think it means?” I asked, hoping my voice sounded absolutely normal.
He gave a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know. But my instincts say it’s important. I’m going to go to the club again tonight and keep an eye on him, see if I can figure out what he’s up to.”
“Have you told Dom yet?” I blurted, and the guilty silence on the other end of the line was answer enough. “You know that the more time you spend at the club, the more likely it is Dom will find out.”
Adam didn’t answer, but I knew he heard the truth in my words.
“I know you’re about as eager to take advice from me as I am to take it from you,” I continued, “but I’ll say this anyway. Don’t go to the club tonight. You probably wouldn’t learn anything anyway.” I then told him about Tommy’s visit to my office this afternoon. “Obviously,” I concluded, “he’s on high alert right now. If you start staking out the club, he’s going to figure out something is up.”
“Do you have a better idea?”
I frowned. “I’m working on it. I know you think I should let the professionals handle this, but I’m just not convinced there’s anything you can do right now.”
“You’re probably right. But if anyone’s going to risk their neck going after Tommy, it had better not be you. Much though I hate to admit it, you’re too important to risk.”
That made me wince, though I was immediately pissed at myself. There was no reason in hell for me to care if Adam liked me or not. Especially considering how little I liked him. But every time he hinted at what he thought of me, it brought a little stab of pain. Pathetic! You’d think I’d have gotten over the fruitless quest for approval by now.
“I’ve got other concerns anyway,” I said, hoping my voice didn’t betray the hurt. Then, because I knew if I said anything more I wouldn’t be able to hide how I felt, I hung up.
I’d downed half my pot of coffee by the time Brian arrived, and my nerves were stretched taut by caffeine while my eyelids still tried to droop. There’s nothing like that special feeling of being sleepy and jittery at the same time to put a girl in a warm fuzzy mood.
Brian arrived right on time, bringing a large pizza that quickly filled my small apartment with the scent of garlic. He took one look at me and tossed the pizza onto my minuscule dining room table.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, putting both hands on my shoulders and peering into my eyes with his trademark gentle concern.
I tried to muster my usual snappish response, but sleep deprivation had eroded my carefully constructed defenses, and for a moment I feared I would burst into girly tears for no particular reason. When Brian pulled me into his arms for a hug, I had to bite down hard on my lip to keep myself under control.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I murmured unconvincingly into his chest. “I’m just tired.”
His lips whispered over the top of my head. “I know you far too well to believe that,” he said. “But I also know if I push, you’ll just get pissed at me, so I’ll try my hardest to be on my best behavior.”
He set me away from him, and I looked into his eyes. Once upon a time, he wouldn’t have been able to resist pushing. My inability to share my feelings with him had caused more arguments between us than I can count. If he was finally learning to back off. .
But no. Those whisky-brown eyes of his held sympathy, but also a hint of calculation. This was a tactical retreat, not a change of heart. I stifled a sigh, then turned to the table and opened the pizza box.
Extra cheese, and plenty of pepperoni, swimming in greasy goodness. My stomach grumbled, and I tried to remember if I’d eaten any lunch today. Brian retrieved plates and paper towels from the kitchen; then we dug into our pizza without speaking. Brian used the paper towels to dab some of the grease off the top of his pizza, but I figured with the amount of caffeine in my system, I must be burning up calories at an impressive rate, so screw the grease.
For a while, we ate in companionable silence. I reveled in Brian’s presence, in his calm strength and kindness, and, yes, in his love. It sounds pathetic, but before Brian, no one had ever really loved me for who I was. My parents had always wanted to change me, as had my brother—at least once the Spirit Society had gotten its claws into him. My boyfriends before Brian had all been under the illusion that they could somehow tame me. They had never lasted very long.
What kind of fool was I to work so hard to hold Brian at arm’s length when he really, truly loved me?And when I loved him in return? Once upon a time, I’d told him—and myself—that it was for his own protection, but that was bullshit.
“You look like you’re thinking very hard,” Brian said, and I’d been so spaced out I practically jumped out of my chair.
I shoved away my plate, which was littered with pizza crusts, and tried to drag my mind back into the real world. Introspection was not my thing, but the lack of sleep was making me loopy.
“Sorry,” I said. “I’m just really, really tired.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
It was a very gentle invitation for me to tell all, and usually I would have declined that invitation without a second thought. But today I overrode my own instincts.
“Lugh and I are having a bit of a disagreement,” I admitted. “If I go to sleep, he’s going to take matters into his own hands. I know I can’t stay awake forever, but. .” I shrugged.
True, it wasn’t much of an explanation. But it was more than I would usually give him, and I could see by the look on Brian’s face that he knew it. He leaned over the table and wrapped his hand around mine, giving me a comforting squeeze despite my greasy fingers.
“I can stay with you tonight,” he said softly. “And if Lugh tries to take control, I can wake you up.”
My throat tightened. “You would do that? Even when you don’t know what the disagreement’s about?”
His hand squeezed mine more tightly. “I’m on your side, Morgan. No matter what. So yeah, I’d do that.”
The intensity of his gaze unnerved me, and I tried to pull my hand away. He didn’t let me.
Fine, let him have my hand! But I escaped his gaze by staring at the table. “You and Lugh teamed up against me once before,” I said. “Why should I believe you won’t do it again?”
Brian reached across the table and tried to lift my chin to force me to look at him. A little of my usual fire returned, and I jerked away.
“Don’t treat me like a child!” I snapped, then cursed myself because I couldn’t help looking him in the eye when I was pissed off. The faint smile he tried to suppress told me he’d done it on purpose.
“What if I promise you that no matter what, I’ll wake you if Lugh tries to take control?” he asked. “Will you accept that promise?”
He finally released my hand, and I drew it back gratefully.
Could I trust Brian’s promise? “What if Lugh tried to convince you it’s the right thing to do? You have sided with him before.”
“I sided with him because I wanted to protect you. I won’t do it again.” He held up his hand in the Boy Scout salute. “Scout’s honor.”
It was a chancy proposition at best. I wasn’t entirely certain Brian would be able to wake me up if Lugh took control. Come to think of it, I wasn’t sure he’d be able to tell whether Lugh was in control or not. Demons are damn good at mimicking their hosts when they want to. But I couldn’t stay awake forever, and this sure seemed like my best chance to get some sleep while still avoiding being Lugh’s instrument.
“You know that Lugh can overpower you,” I said, wondering just how determined Lugh would be to make this phone call. Might he hurt Brian?
Not unless he wanted me as a permanent enemy. He had to know that.
Brian shrugged. “Yeah, I know. But if he has to overpower me, then the struggle should give you time to wake up.”
“True,” I agreed, stifling yet another yawn. I made one last attempt to look the gift horse in the mouth. “You have to go to work in the morning, don’t you?”