“You rang?” I asked when the silence seemed to stretch.
“You’re angry with me.”
I shrugged. Of course I was angry with him. He’d forced me into this lame-ass “compromise” of his. I don’t take well to being forced into anything. But he knew all that, so I didn’t bother to say it.
“And you’re angry with me,” I said instead. “I suppose that makes us even.” I frowned. “Well, as even as we’ll ever be.”
He shook his head. No doubt he was wishing Raphael had chosen anyone else on the planet to host him.
“I won’t explain myself to you again,” he said, and there was a distinctly sharp edge to his voice.
“Ditto.”
He reached up, I think meaning to run his hand through his hair in frustration. At the last moment, he remembered the crown and stopped himself.
“As I’m sure you know,” I continued, “I’m really, really tired. Is there some vital reason we absolutely have to talk tonight? Because if not, I’d rather get some sleep.”
He seemed to think about that one for a while before he answered. “Actually, it’s not you I need to talk to. It’s Raphael.”
I let out a sound that I’m afraid was something like a squeak of alarm as I realized what he meant. I then put as much concentration as I could into trying to close my mental doors.
“Relax, Morgan,” Lugh said in what was probably supposed to be a soothing croon, but I think both our tempers were too brittle for soothing or being soothed. “I’d like us to work together to make this happen. You see, I’ve had an idea as to how we can ease your way into letting me take control when necessary.”
I probably shouldn’t have let him disarm me so easily. Maybe my exhaustion was affecting my mental processes in my sleep as well as during my waking hours. But whatever the reason, I stopped trying to struggle free of him. I didn’t, however, drop my guard.
“All right. I’m listening. Let’s hear this idea of yours.”
He rose slowly from his throne, towering over me. He always towered over me, but those red velvet shoes of his had a considerable heel on them, and I felt like I was straining my neck to meet his gaze. Instinct urged me to take a step back from this dangerous creature, but I fought it. Sure, he already knew he was intimidating me, but that didn’t mean I had to show it.
“I’d like to try staying in control while you wake up,” he said. “Through sleep, you’ve already dropped your guard enough to let me take over. Getting you to drop that guard is the key, so perhaps if you try not to fight me, we’ll be able to make that transition to wakefulness together.”
I realized with a bit of a shock that when Lugh had first started communicating with me, my subconscious had consistently managed to kick him out without any effort on my part. Now, unless I made a concerted effort to fight my way free, he could remain in control of my sleep for however long he wanted. I couldn’t help thinking that wasn’t a good thing, that I was slowly giving him more and more power over me. And I decided I didn’t want to wake up and find myself the passenger in my own body.
I started trying once more to close my mental doors.
“Don’t!” Lugh ordered sharply, and the look on his face now was pure steel. “We need to do this, and what you want doesn’t really matter. If you keep fighting me, you’ll find yourself in the oubliette.”
I gasped in shock, the sick sense of horror and betrayal in my gut momentarily derailing my efforts to wrest control from him.
“You promised you would never do that again!” I said, though the sound came out more like a wail.
Lugh’s face remained grim. “And you promised you’d learn to let me take control when the situation warrants it. Keep your promise, and I’ll keep mine. It’s as simple as that.”
At that moment, I think I actually hated him. Not so long ago, I’d liked him, started thinking of him almost as a friend. A very sexy friend, whom I had the reluctant hots for. What had happened to that Lugh, who’d been kind and gentle, and who’d seemed to care about me?
I didn’t say any of that out loud, but Lugh answered me anyway.
“Nothing has changed, Morgan,” he said in a much softer voice. “And I do care about you. More than you know. It’s just. .” He blew out a sigh, and the throne room dissolved around us.
I felt a moment of intense disorientation. When it passed, we were no longer in the intimidating throne room. Instead, we were back in the cozy living room where we’d often talked before. And Lugh was back to what I thought of as his usual self. Gone were the crown and the red and gold velvet, and back were the tight black leather pants tucked into knee-high black boots and the plain black T-shirt that clung so appealingly to the muscles of his chest.
“Whether I’m here, or whether I’m in the throne room,” he said, “I’m still a king. As a king, I have to do things that, as a man, I’d prefer not to do.” He sat beside me on the butter-soft leather sofa. He took one of my hands in both of his, and it didn’t immediately occur to me to object.
“Please, Morgan,” he asked, and his eyes echoed that plea. “Please honor your agreement with me. We will disagree at times, and we will argue. That is inevitable given who we are. But we should choose our battles carefully. And this isn’t something we should battle over.”
I had the distinct impression I was being shamelessly manipulated, but there was no doubt he was wearing me down. Perhaps I was just too tired to care anymore.
“All right,” I said grudgingly. “I’ll do my best to let you stay in control as I wake up.” I frowned. “Though to tell you the truth, I’m not sure how to wake myself up without fighting you. The two have always gone hand in hand before.”
“No, not always,” he said cryptically.
“Morgan?” said a voice, one that didn’t belong to Lugh, one that seemed strangely distant.
My eyes locked with Lugh’s. That sounded suspiciously like. .
“Time to wake up,” the voice said again, a little less distant.
And this time, there was no doubting whose voice that was. It took every ounce of my willpower not to immediately start struggling against Lugh’s control as I realized what he must have done.
“Please don’t,” he said simply. “I had to talk to him, and I needed someone to wake you.”
I had a few colorful suggestions for him, but I didn’t fight his control. The living room dissolved, just as the throne room had. Only this time, when I opened my eyes, it was to look up into Andrew’s face as he gently shook my shoulder.
No, not Andrew. Raphael. And unfortunately, this time it wasn’t an illusion or a dream.
CHAPTER 18
I wanted to reach up and rub the sleep from my eyes, but Lugh didn’t seem to feel the same need. He pushed himself into a sitting position, then swung his legs out from under the covers. Raphael backed up to give him room.
“Am I speaking to Morgan, or Lugh?” Raphael asked.
“Lugh. At least for the moment.”
There was a chair in the far corner of my bedroom. It was too heavy to move easily, but that didn’t stop Raphael from dragging it over to face the bed and then sitting in it. Sometimes, it must be nice to have demon strength. Of course, I currently had it myself, and I’d just as soon have done without. I wasn’t used to letting Lugh control me like this, and all my primal survival instincts shouted at me to fight, to run, to do something to win my way free.
I felt Lugh’s muscles tense, then relax when I resisted the urge to struggle.
Was this what it was like for Andy? Could he feel everything Raphael did with his body, feel the coarse fabric on the chair’s upholstery under his hands while being powerless to move those hands? If so, how could he stand it? Could I really believe my brother was alive and well inside his body?