OCTOBER 31. Received a letter from my principal, Mr Perkupp, saying that he thinks he knows of a place at last for our dear boy
Lupin. This, in a measure, consoles me for the loss of a portion of my diary; for I am bound to confess the last few weeks have been devoted to the record of disappointing answers received from people to whom I have applied for appointments for Lupin. Mrs Birrell called, and, in reply to me, said: ‘She never seen no book, much less take such a liberty as touch it.’
Mr Perkupp
I said I was determined to find out who did it, whereupon she said she would do her best to help me; but she remembered the sweep lighting the fire with a bit of the Echo. I requested the sweep to be sent to me tomorrow. I wish Carrie had not given Lupin a latchkey; we never seem to see anything of him. I sat up till past one for him, and then retired tired.
NOVEMBER 1. My entry yesterday about ‘retired tired’, which I did not notice at the time, is rather funny. If I were not so worried just
now, I might have had a little joke about it. The sweep called, but had the audacity to come up to the hall-door and lean his dirty bag of soot on the door-step. He, however, was so polite, I could not rebuke him. He said Sarah lighted the fire. Unfortunately, Sarah heard this, for she was dusting the banisters, and she ran down, and flew into a temper with the sweep, causing a row on the front door-steps, which I would not have had happen for anything. I ordered her about her business, and told the sweep I was sorry to have troubled him; and so I was, for the door-steps were covered with soot in consequence of his visit. I would willingly give ten shillings to find out who tore my diary.
NOVEMBER 2. I spent the evening quietly with Carrie, of whose company I never tire. We had a most pleasant chat about the letters on ‘Is Marriage a Failure?’ It has been no failure in our case. In talking over our own happy experiences, we never noticed that it was past midnight. We were startled by hearing the door slam violently. Lupin had come in. He made no attempt to turn down the gas in the passage, or even to look into the room where we were, but went straight up to bed, making a terrible noise. I asked him to come down for a moment, and he begged to be excused, as he was ‘dead beat’, an observation that was scarcely consistent with the fact that, for a quarter of an hour afterwards, he was positively dancing in his room, and shouting out, ‘See me dance the polka!’50 or some such nonsense.
NOVEMBER 3. Good news at last. Mr Perkupp has got an appointment for Lupin, and he is to go and see about it on Monday. Oh, how my mind is relieved! I went to Lupin’s room to take the good news to him, but he was in bed, very seedy, so I resolved to keep it over till the evening.
He said he had last night been elected a member of an Amateur Dramatic Club, called the ‘Holloway Comedians’; and, though it was a pleasant evening, he had sat in a draught, and got neuralgia in the head. He declined to have any breakfast, so I left him.
In the evening I had up a special bottle of port, and, Lupin being in for a wonder, we filled our glasses, and I said: ‘Lupin my boy, I have some good and unexpected news for you. Mr Perkupp has procured you an appointment!’ Lupin said: ‘Good biz!’ and we drained our glasses.
Lupin then said: ‘Fill up the glasses again, for I have some good and unexpected news for you.’ I had some slight misgivings, and so evidently had Carrie, for she said: ‘I hope we shall think it good news.’
Lupin said: ‘Oh, it’s all right! I’m engaged to be married!’
Lupin said: ‘I’m engaged to be married’
Daisy Mutlar sole topic of conversation. Lupin’s new berth. Fireworks at the Cummings’. The ‘Holloway Comedians’. Sarah quarrels with the charwoman. Lupin’s uncalled-for interference. Am introduced to Daisy Mutlar. We decide to give a party in her honour.
Chapter VIII
NOVEMBER 5, SUNDAY. Carrie and I troubled about that mere boy Lupin, getting engaged to be married without consulting us or anything. After dinner he told us all about it. He said the lady’s name was Daisy Mutlar, and she was the nicest, prettiest, and most accomplished girl he ever met. He loved her the moment he saw her, and if he had to wait fifty years he would wait, and he knew she would wait for him.
Lupin further said, with much warmth, that the world was a different world to him now – it was a world worth living in. He lived with an object now, and that was to make Daisy Mutlar – Daisy Pooter, and he would guarantee she would not disgrace the family of the Pooters. Carrie here burst out crying, and threw her arms round his neck, and in doing so upset the glass of port he held in his hand all over his new light trousers.
I said I had no doubt we should like Miss Mutlar when we saw her, but Carrie said she loved her already. I thought this rather premature, but held my tongue. Daisy Mutlar was the sole topic of conversation for the remainder of the day. I asked Lupin who her people were, and he replied: ‘Oh, you know Mutlar, Williams and Watts.’ I did not know, but refrained from asking any further questions at present, for fear of irritating Lupin.
NOVEMBER 6. Lupin went with me to the office, and had a long conversation with Mr Perkupp, our principal, the result of which was that he accepted a clerkship in the firm of Job Cleanands and Co.,51 Stock and Share Brokers. Lupin told me, privately, it was an advertising firm, and he did not think much of it. I replied: ‘Beggars should not be choosers’; and I will do Lupin the justice to say he looked rather ashamed of himself.
In the evening we went round to the Cummings’, to have a few fireworks. It began to rain, and I thought it rather dull. One of my squibs would not go off, and Gowing said: ‘Hit it on your boot, boy; it will go off then.’ I gave it a few knocks on the end of my boot, and it went off with one loud explosion, and burnt my fingers rather badly. I gave the rest of the squibs to the little Cummings boy to let off.
Another unfortunate thing happened, which brought a heap of abuse on my head. Cummings fastened a large wheel set-piece on a stake in the ground by way of a grand finale. He made a great fuss about it; said it cost seven shillings. There was a little difficulty in getting it alight. At last it went off; but after a couple of slow revolutions it stopped. I had my stick with me, so I gave it a tap to send it round, and, unfortunately, it fell off the stake on to the grass. Anybody would have thought I had set the house on fire from the way in which they stormed at me. I will never join in any more firework parties. It is a ridiculous waste of time and money.
NOVEMBER 7. Lupin asked Carrie to call on Mrs Mutlar, but Carrie said she thought Mrs Mutlar ought to call on her first. I agreed with Carrie, and this led to an argument. However, the matter was settled by Carrie saying she could not find any visiting cards, and we must get some more printed, and when they were finished would be quite time enough to discuss the etiquette of calling.
NOVEMBER 8. I ordered some of our cards at Black’s, the stationers. I ordered twenty-five of each, which will last us for a good long time. In the evening, Lupin brought in Frank Mutlar, Miss Mutlar’s brother. He was rather a gawky youth, and Lupin said he was the most popular and best amateur in the club, referring to the ‘Holloway Comedians’. Lupin whispered to us that if we could only ‘draw out’ Frank a bit, he would make us roar with laughter.
At supper, young Mutlar did several amusing things. He took up a knife, and with the flat part of it played a tune on his cheek in a wonderful manner. He also gave an imitation of an old man with no teeth, smoking a big cigar. The way he kept dropping the cigar sent Carrie into fits.
50
(November 2)
51
(November 6)