‘I understand. It’s hard. And if you ever feel you’d rather go home, then I won’t think any the less of you. There are many different ways to show your love and commitment to Pippa.’
He looked at her for a second.
‘I’d rather stay.’
Helen nodded and for a moment neither of them spoke. Daniel looked out over Southampton, while Helen surveyed the other guests in the restaurant. Immediately she caught the eye of a middle-aged woman who was staring at her. The woman was obviously intrigued by them – was she trying to work out if they were on a date? Married? Friends? The realization made Helen feel foolish.
When she turned back, she was surprised to find Daniel smiling at her.
‘If it’s awkward for you to be here, then just say so. I don’t want to make your life difficult, Helen.’
‘I want to help,’ Helen replied. And it was true. Daniel had given her her cue to leave, but she didn’t want to abandon him here, a grieving man in a lonely city.
‘I know what you’re going through,’ she continued. ‘When you’ve lost someone close… it kind of surrounds you, doesn’t it? It’s hard to see a way through it.’
Daniel nodded.
‘She’s all I think about. She’s as alive to me now as she ever was.’
Helen smiled. Reaching out, she took his hand.
‘And that’s fine. It’s not weird or morbid. It’s natural. You loved her. You love her. Nothing that’s happened can change that.’
Thank you, Helen. I thought I was going a bit crazy, but -’
‘It’s not crazy and you must think of her. You must always think of her.’
Daniel nodded his thanks, just about keeping his emotion in check.
‘Pippa was always so boisterous when she was little. They say boys are the troublesome ones, but that wasn’t true in our case. She had this great mate – Edith – and together they would create havoc. They would dress up as pirates, soldiers, whatever, and create elaborate games in the living room. The sofas would be turned into hideouts, skipping ropes would become lassos, cardboard tubes would become rocket launchers – they could play like that for hours.’
As Daniel lost himself in tales of Pippa’s childish exploits, Helen thought back to her own childhood. Among all the horror, abuse and degradation, there had been odd moments of contentment. Holidays on the Isle of Sheppey, shoplifting trips with her mum and sister, cider-fuelled hysterics with Marianne and their mate Sam. Brief slivers of happiness.
The one character who was always absent from these memories was her father. She tried to think if he’d ever done anything loving or kind, but nothing came to mind. The only thing he had ever given his children was bruises and broken bones. To him, children were first an irritant and expense and later a commodity to be passed around fellow paedophiles. Perhaps he had suffered when he was young, perhaps there were experiences and demons that had driven him to behave the way he did, but Helen had never wanted to go there. She refused to entertain the idea that his brutality could ever be excused or justified.
He was a far cry from the decent, wounded man sitting opposite her now. Helen knew that’s why she was still here, drinking coffee late into the night with a man she barely knew. The fact that he did care – that he loved his daughter – really hit home with her. And though she chided herself for not passing Daniel on to a trained Family Liaison Officer, she didn’t blame herself for it. She was enjoying the rush of his memories – there was an innocence and warmth to them that Helen found irresistible. Neither seemed keen to break up the evening or to acknowledge that – minutes later – they were still holding hands.
60
He reached out and took her hand, running his finger over her knuckles.
‘Isn’t this nice?’
Ruby smiled in response, forking another mouthful of pasta in her mouth. She didn’t know what she had been expecting, but the food was good – pasta carbonara, rich, creamy and comforting. She cleared her plate, then picked up her wine, draining the plastic beaker it had been served in. Despite the absurdity of the situation, the wine felt good – a brief spike of exhilaration surging through her before drifting away again.
‘Pudding?’
Ruby nodded and within a minute had wolfed down a bowl of trifle. Stuck down here all she could think of was how hungry she was.
‘I wanted to ask you something,’ she said suddenly. ‘I… I get bored down here waiting for you, so I was wondering if I could have some books.’
He regarded her for a second, then said:
‘What sort of books?’
‘Anything.’
‘You’re not fussy.’
‘I just want to read.’
Another pause.
‘Tell me some titles and I’ll see if I can get them for you.’
Ruby racked her brains, reeling off a list of favourites that would make her feel a little less alone. Books her dad loved, that Cassie was obsessed with. They would be her family down here. Finally, she ran out of ideas. Her captor swallowed a yawn, fatigue finally overcoming him.
‘Thank you, Summer. I enjoyed myself tonight.’
‘Me too,’ Ruby replied. There was a small part of that which was true at least.
‘And if you’re good to me, we’ll see about those books.’
He took a step forward. Ruby’s natural instinct was to step back, but she forced herself to stand her ground. He took another step towards her, wrapping his arms round her and pulling her into a hug. She allowed it, though she was screaming inside. She felt his lips find their way to her ear.
‘All good things come to those who wait,’ he whispered.
Suddenly Ruby had tears in her eyes. She could feel his erection pressing against her. She just wanted to be away, away, away from him. As he disengaged, she wiped her eyes quickly – refusing to throw it all away by losing her cool.
‘Goodnight,’ he said, as he headed towards the door. ‘And thank you.’
Ruby stood stock still as he departed. She remained there for a full five minutes until she could be sure he was gone – smiling her rictus grin, wanting to be a good girl for him, despite the fact that she was shaking like a leaf.
61
Hurrying straight into his bedroom, he locked the door and lay down on the bed. Unzipping his flies, he slipped his hand inside his trousers. The feeling of flesh on flesh made him shiver.
He knew he should resist but there was no fighting it tonight. He had returned home in such a low mood, riven with doubts and fears, so this evening had totally ambushed him. Where he had been expecting defiance, hurt and acrimony, he had in fact found compliance and kindness.
Was he foolish to think that Summer was starting to love him again? Things had been so difficult and distressing, but suddenly she seemed to have turned a corner. She wanted to be with him and took pleasure in his company. And tonight he had responded, in a manner that surprised and energized him. He had felt so aroused in her company that the greater part of him had wanted to take her to bed there and then.
Normally he managed to contain his urges. But not tonight. He climaxed quickly and fiercely. Lying on the bed later, he felt happy but oddly dissatisfied. It had been so long since he’d allowed himself even the release of fantasy – so fearful was he of ultimate disappointment – but even that failed to satisfy his needs now. With the realization that Summer might finally be coming home to him, his desire to be with her was growing stronger. He would not rush her – he had made that mistake before – but his feelings spurred him on. The dark days were coming to an end, his salvation was at hand and everything was prompting him to act.
Soon the waiting would be over. Soon their love would be real.
62
Alison Sprackling stood in her daughter’s bedroom and stared out of the window. She often came here once everyone else in the house was asleep. Had she slept at all since Ruby had gone missing? She supposed she must have, otherwise she wouldn’t still be able to function, but it certainly didn’t feel like it. Jonathan was no different, tossing and turning from dusk till dawn, but this was little comfort. They seemed to be talking to each other less and less.