"I know."
She looked up at him, smiling.
"Yes . . . of course. How like one person we are."
For a time after that, they reviewed the assessment of the aides chosen for Broey. Shared memories etched away at minutiae. Could any choice be improved? Not one person was changed - Human or Gowachin. All of those advisors and aides were Dosadi-born. They could be depended upon to be loyal to their origins, to their conditioning, to themselves individually. For the task assigned to them, they were the best available.
McKie brought it to a close.
"I can't leave the immediate area of the arena until the trial's over."
She knew that, but it needed saying.
There was a small cell adjoining his office, a bedog there, communications instruments, Human toilet facilities. They delayed going into the bedroom, turned to a low-key argument over the advisability of a body exchange. It was procrastination on both sides, outcome known in advance. Familiar flesh was familiar flesh, less distracting. It gave each of them an edge which they dared not sacrifice. McKie could play Jedrik and Jedrik could play McKie, but that would be dangerous play now.
When they retired, it was to make love, the most tender experience either had known. There was no submission, only a giving, sharing, an open exchange which tightened McKie's throat with joy and fear, sent Jedrik into a fit of un-Dosadi sobbing.
When she'd recovered, she turned to him on the bed, touched his right cheek with a finger.
"McKie."
"Yes?"
"I've never had to say this to another person, but . . ." She silenced his attempted interruption by punching his shoulder, leaning up on an elbow to look down at him. It reminded McKie of their first night together, and he saw that she had gone back into her Dosadi shell . . . but there was something else, a difference in the eyes.
"What is it?"
"Just that I love you. It's a very interesting feeling, especially when you can admit it openly. How odd."
"Stay here with me."
"We both know I can't. There's no safe place here for either of us, but the one who . . ."
"Then let's . . ."
"We've already decided against an exchange."
"Where will you go?"
"Best you don't know."
"If . . ."
"No! I wouldn't be safe as a witness; I'm not even safe at your side. We both . . ."
"Don't go back to Dosadi."
"Where is Dosadi? It's the only place where I could ever feel at home, but Dosadi no longer exists."
"I meant . . ."
"I know."
She sat up, hugged her knees, revealing the sinewy muscles of her shoulders and back. McKie studied her, trying to fathom what it was she hid in that Dosadi shell. Despite the intimacy of their shared memories, something about her eluded him. It was as though he didn't want to learn this thing. She would flee and hide, of course, but . . . He listened carefully as she began to speak in a faraway voice.
"It'd be interesting to go back to Dosadi someday. The differences . . ."
She looked over her shoulder at him.
"There are those who fear we'll make over the ConSentiency in Dosadi's image. We'll try, but the result won't be Dosadi. We'll take what we judge to be valuable, but that'll change Dosadi more than it changes you. Your masses are less alert, slower, less resourceful, but you're so numerous. In the end, the ConSentiency will win, but it'll no longer be the ConSentiency. I wonder what it'll be when . . ."
She laughed at her own musings, shook her head.
"And there's Broey. They'll have to deal with Broey and the team we've given him. Broey Plus! Your ConSentiency hasn't the faintest grasp of what we've loosed among them."
"The predator in the flock."
"To Broey, your people are like the Rim - a natural resource."
"But he has no Pcharkys."
"Not yet."
"I doubt if the Calebans ever again will participate in . . ."
"There may be other ways. Look how easy it is for us."
"But we were printed upon each other by . . ."
"Exactly! And they continue to suspect that you're in my body and I'm in yours. Their entire experience precludes the free shift back and forth, one body to another . . ."
"Or this other thing . . ."
He caressed her mind.
"Yes! Broey won't suspect until too late what's in store for him. They'll be a long time learning there's no way to sort you from . . . me!"
This last was an exultant shout as she turned and fell upon him. It was a wild replay of their first night together. McKie abandoned himself together. McKie abandoned himself to it. There was no other choice, no time for the mind to dwell on depressing thoughts.
In the morning, he had to tap his implanted amplifiers to bring his awareness to the required pitch for the arena. The process took a few minutes while he dressed.
Jedrik moved softly with her own preparations, straightened the bedog and caressed its resilient surface. She summoned a jumpdoor then, held him with a lingering kiss. The jumpdoor opened behind her as she pushed away from him.
McKie smelled familiar flowers, glimpsed the bowers of his Tutalsee island before the door blinked out of existence, hiding Jedrik and the island from him. Tutalsee? The moment of shocked understanding delayed him. She'd counted on that! He recovered, sent his mind leaping after her.
I'll force an exchange! By the Gods . . .
His mind met pain, consuming, blinding pain. It was agony such as he'd not even imagined could exist.
Jedrik!
His mind held an unconscious Jedrik whose awareness had fled from pain. The contact was so delicate, like holding a newborn infant. The slightest relaxation and he knew he would lose her to . . . He felt that terrifying monster of the first exchange hovering in the background, but love and concern armed him against fear.
Frantic, McKie held that tenuous contact while he called a jumpdoor. There was a small delay and when the door opened, he saw through the portal the black, twisted wreckage which had been his bower island. A hot sun beat down on steaming cinders. And in the background, a warped metal object which might have been one of Tutalsee's little four-place flitters rolled over, gurgled, and sank. The visible wreckage said the destructive force had been something like a pentrate, swift and all-consuming. The water around the island still bubbled with it. Even while he watched, the island began breaking up, its cinders drifting apart on the long, low waves. A breeze flattened the steaming smoke. Soon, there'd be nothing to show that beauty had floated here. With a pentrate, there would be nothing to recover . . . not even bodies to . . .
He hesitated, still holding his fragile grasp on Jedrik's unconscious presence. The pain was only a memory now. Was it really Jedrik in his awareness, or only his remembered imprint of her? He tried to awaken the sleeping presence, failed. But small threads of memory emerged, and he saw that the destruction had been Jedrik's doing, response to attack. The attackers had wanted a live hostage. They hadn't anticipated that violent, unmistakable message.
"You won't hold me over McKie's head!"
But if there were no bodies . . .
Again, he tried to awaken that unconscious presence. Her memories were there, but she remained dormant. The effort strengthened his grip upon her presence, though. And he told himself it had to be Jedrik, or he wouldn't know what had happened on the bower island.
Once more, he searched the empty water. Nothing. A pentrate would've torn and battered everything around it. Shards of metal, flesh reduced to scattered cinders . . .
She's dead. She has to be dead. A pentrate . . .
But that familiar presence lay slumbering in his mind.