The Mage actually frowned as he thought about what she had said. Then his expression cleared. “Love.”
She stared at him, amazed and appalled. “What?”
“We were warned about love by the elders,” Alain explained without any feeling in his voice. “It is a very serious error.”
“Yes,” Mari quickly agreed. “They were right. You don’t even want to think about…about that.”
“But what is it?” Mage Alain asked. “Is thinking about someone love?”
“No! Whatever you’re thinking, it isn’t that.”
“Why are you concerned? You are much more alarmed. Do you sense that enemies are near?”
“Yes,” Mari said. “That must be it. But I don’t hear anything now, so I can relax. Let’s both relax. Hey, I know. Let’s talk about something else.”
Alain sat, his eyes hooded in thought. “You are difficult.”
“Yes. We already established that.”
“Do you experience love with other Mechanics?” Alain asked the question in the same way someone else would have asked whether it was going to rain today.
Mari took a deep breath. “No. Not that it’s any of your business. But, no.”
“Because you are difficult,” he deduced.
“That probably has something to do with it, yes. Is there a point to this?”
“You are a challenge,” Alain concluded triumphantly. “Something I must overcome.”
“Uh…that’s not exactly the greatest compliment that I’ve ever received, but if it helps you figure out that you’re not in…love…then great.” How could she get him off this entire line of thought? While also hopefully making it clear that she wasn’t interested in that kind of thing with a Mage, even if that Mage was Alain? That they had no possible future together? “Um, I don’t know what your marching orders are, but I was told not to have any more contact with you.”
Alain nodded dispassionately. “I was told not to have any more contact with you, as well.”
“That’s a…a real shame. I mean, that we won’t see each other again after we get out of here,” Mari said, trying to sound regretful rather than grateful. To her own surprise, she didn’t have to try very hard. In fact, she sort of did feel regretful and not at all grateful. What was that about?
“I have already acted against my instructions,” Mage Alain said. “By being here.”
“I can’t say that I’m sorry you came here,” Mari admitted. She felt bad now. Bad about maybe somehow leading on Alain, bad about rebuffing him after he had just gotten her out of a cell, and bad thinking about what his upbringing in a Mage Guild Hall must have been like for so many things to be unfamiliar to him. “And I doubt that I’ll admit to my Guild Hall Supervisor that I was in contact with you again. I guess neither one of us is very good at following orders.”
He nodded in solemn agreement. “No, Master Mechanic Mari, we are not good at following orders.”
Mari couldn’t help grinning at him. If only Alain wasn’t a Mage. The more she learned about him, the more she liked him. But she really still knew very little. “You haven’t lied to me, have you?”
“Not to my knowledge.”
“Why not? Everybody knows how Mages are. You’ve been honest with me about…well, about what you’re thinking.” That was what had made his statements to her so disconcerting, she realized. This wasn’t some smooth-talking Mechanic looking to score another notch in his belt and willing to say anything that would further that. No. Alain just said things, speaking his mind rather than hiding behind politeness or social games. He doesn’t seem to understand, or has never been taught, all of the ways people use to avoid saying what they really think. Not that I want to pursue whatever he’s thinking or feeling… Feeling. He never talks about feeling anything. That’s what he hides. He doesn’t hide thoughts. He hides feelings the way the rest of us hide our thoughts. “Um…anyway, I haven’t caught you in a lie yet. You do things I can’t explain with the science I know. I have an irrational inclination to believe you. Why?”
She could have sworn that the Mage almost smiled. “Perhaps you are a good judge of character.”
For somebody who never showed emotion, he could be really charming. “Oh, yeah, that’s it.”
“But,” Alain continued, “truth and falsehood do not mean the same thing to one trained in the Mage arts. If all we see is false, where is truth to be found? If the people we think we see are but shadows of the world illusion, what matter what we tell them? It becomes not a matter of truth and lies, but a question of whether either matters. The choice of what to do is mine.”
Mari watched the Mage, but he seemed to be perfectly serious again. “That sounds like a good excuse for doing whatever you want to do.”
“It can easily become exactly that,” the Mage agreed. “But…” He seemed to be struggling for words. “I do not follow that road.”
That was a relief to hear. No wonder other Mages were infamous for just grabbing any woman who took their momentary fancy.
With all that she had been taught about Mages, all of the stories she had heard, why hadn’t she felt revulsion at the idea that Alain was attracted to her? Because he was Alain, Mari realized. He had stopped being just a Mage. He was a person to her. A wounded person. And she really did like that person.
Maybe to such a person, taught to hide feelings, the mildest forms of companionship, of liking, would seem overwhelming. Maybe all he needed, all he wanted, was a friend.
She could do that.
“Good for you, Mage Alain,” Mari finally said. “Truth matters to me. So does being willing to stick your neck out for someone else, and you’ve certainly done that for me. But if you’re going to be my friend you’ll have to make sure you don’t tell me any lies. We have to be honest with each other.”
Alain frowned very slightly. “I do not know how to do that. I can only be what I am.”
“That’s good. That’s fine. If that’s who you’ve been up until now, just keep being you. How’s the resting coming?”
“I am recovering.” Alain shrugged, wondering why this conversation with the Mechanic had become complicated at times. “If I were older I would be stronger, but I would also take longer to recover. Under these circumstances, I guess it is lucky I am who I am.”
His words made her smile slightly. “I’d say we’re both lucky you’re who you are.” She settled back again, holding her strange hand weapon pointed upward, closing her eyes and letting her face settle into lines of pain and fatigue. Alain was not surprised by the pain she showed. He had seen the back of her head and the blood matted into the hair there. Unfortunately, he had no training in the healers’ arts. But if he ever encountered the person who had struck Mechanic Mari like that, Alain knew he would use the skills he did have to even the score. He did not know why he resolved to do that, but he did.
At least he was fairly sure that his reason was not love. Whatever love was, other than something to be avoided. Master Mechanic Mari had shown clear signs of being concerned when Alain spoke of it, and had denied experiencing love with other Mechanics, so perhaps Mechanics also were warned to avoid love. It must be a very dangerous thing.
She had mentioned something else, though. He watched her as he sat, trying to rebuild his strength, thinking about her words. “Master Mechanic Mari, could you…”
“What? Are you all right?” She opened her eyes, concern there again. It was so easy to see her feelings, yet something always remained unseen. Alain could not understand that, either.